A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had stopped communicating with my ex some 6 months ago after I had tried to see him and I was already dating another guy. The thing is, I was not able to say no to him and he forced me to have anal sex with him. This I regretted big time for 2 obvious reasons, I cheated on my bf and I felt like I was raped and taken advantage by an ex who cheated on me before.Anyway, we never saw or called each other again and i eventually healed coz of my current bf who has made me happy. But after about 4 months, he tried to call me but I refused to pick up.Just 3 nights ago, he texted me out of the blue to say that his mother and sister are in town. So, since I was happy with my current situation, I replied in a friendly way and wished him good luck. Then last night, as my bf has to visit his grandmother at another city, my ex called me for almost an hour on the phone at 10pm. I didn't know he was outside of my house. He asked me to meet him outside so we can talk personally. And I did.We talked more inside his car until 1:30am and he invited me to his house. I told him a flat NO! I said I have a bf and I am only meeting him just to catch up with things. But he told me, he has a good coffee at home brought by his mom and that he has to hang his clothes. I said I will agree as long as he promise not to touch me. And he said he promised.Then everything went well as we agreed at his house. Still at the last minute, he started to suggest things and asked if he could hold my hand. I know this pattern, I stood and I said to him, I went coz he promised he wont touch me. Our discussion went on until 3am until my bf called, that was the best excuse I had to stand and distance myself. Listening to my conversation with my bf, he went to his bed and lay still. Than I asked him to take me home. So he agreed and I was home by 4am. I felt a big sigh of relief. Although I noticed that he was unusually silent while driving me to my house. But really, I don't care.Do you think it was so brutal of me to do that and do I come out now as a bitch to him in his mind? But we agreed beforehand that I will go with him and there should be no touching. Believe it or not, he was not able to touch even my hand.What is your advice about this guy? I honestly think it would be cool for us to remain friends but do you think thats a good idea?
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anal sex, cheated on me, ex called, grandmother, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much guys.
Yes, I do admit whatever it was, whether friendship or not, I shouldn't have gone with him like that. I am so relieved I have not let him touch me one bit but I still got a scolding from my sister whom I have confided about this. And she told me to never ever see this guy again.
I don't know what was up with me really. Anyhow, he tried to call me again at work but I just ignored his call. I feel so weird with what I did.
I really am thankful I was able to resist him or I wont have the guts to face my current bf.
Thanks everyone!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): Wow, I feel sorry for your current boyfriend, because his girlfriend (you) lies to him, and runs around with her Ex boyfriend behind his back.You also are communicating more and more with your Ex.This needs to stop, you need to come clean with your current boyfriend and you need to block your Ex's number.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): I don't think you should have gone with your ex....he might make a habit of calling you and this may destroy your current relationship. Don't do it again....he does sound kinda creepy...so be careful.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): "I was not able to say no to him and he forced me to have anal sex with him."This is rape, not possibly rape, it is rape. The fact that you are still hanging with this guy is a big red flag about your personal psychology. You need counseling, in a big way.You don't feel like you can say "no", you don't feel like you can not see or talk to or text him at all, and you feel like you have to be his friend. These are all signs of sexual and emotional abuse in your life, these are also characteristics of someone who has abandonment issues.They don't make you a bad person, they mean you need serious help. You need serious help now.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): Don't try to act like you're miss goody two shoes. In the back of your mind you're questioning if you can resist giving in to sleeping with him. You know your answer already but you're here looking for help in holding you back. So, if you can't restrain yourself and your ex has your attention again, then do the right thing and free your boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, sam44 +, writes (21 January 2011):
I don't know you, but I am proud of you for standing your ground. This guy wants sex from you, I will suggest to back up from him before he forces himself into you(i don't like using the term rape). Now focus on your new boyfriend and leave your past in your past, yah its good to be friends but eventually it will affect your current relationship.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 Who cares if he thinks you were a bitch? He was trying to do something he agreed not to. He was a jerk, so to hell with him.
I think you should put him in your rear view and never look back. You cannot remain friends with your ex. He will want more, or you will at some point. Those relationships only work out 1% of the time if you're lucky. Think of how it will hurt your boyfriend who you love and who treats you well if you start spending time with a person who hurt you so badly. Not only will it make him feel inadequate, it will tell everyone that you don't value yourself either.
Let him stay in the past where he belongs.
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