A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey aunts I'm really sad and just confused. I'm a 23 year old college student who works part time. I've never had a boyfriend before, I just always thought if I waited than the right guy will come alone and I than too will experience my first boyfriend ever. All my friends have so it's like I want to know that feeling of going on dates and just enjoying each others company. I don't want to be 40 plus and never experiencing having a boyfriend. I'm embarrassed enough by it. Now, I don't have low self-esteem or anything, I'm very beautiful with a great smile with dimples and I love to laugh and have fun. I'm not overweight or super shy or a slut I'm just me. But my real reason for making this post is because I THOUGHT I finally met a great guy. He's very sweet and caring and it took me 3 months to sleep wit him. During the 8 months we had sex 4 times with a condom. Recently I found out I was pregnant. He already knew the baby was his and he was very nice to me. But I decided to terminate my pregnancy. I feel like my decision is what's best for me, I have like 1 year and a half of college left and I still stay home with my mom, so I know it will be very hard on me. I also pay bills at home so I made up my mind and told him my decision. He was supportive and said he would help, but my abortion is less than a week and still nothing. I didn't ask him to help pay for it entirely, I only asked for half which was 200. But I don't have any cash from him. I did push school off to the side to work doubles to come up with the 400 and also pay my car insurance etc. But now I'm falling behind in school. Less than 5 people know I'm pregnant, my parents don't. I plan to keep it that way. I told the guy that since he won't help me I think it's best we stop communication with each other and act like we don't know each other if we see one another. I feel like it's pointless for him to contact me when he said he would help. Why lie about something so serious? Its a simple answer. Ask first he said he had 100 to give me and I said ok anything will help me, I wasn't mean nor disrespectful to him. I just want to put this behind me. I'm sitting in my room trying not to cry and wondering why do bad things always happen to me or better yet good people? I never wanted to have a kid out of wedlock, I don't want a lot of children in general no more than 2. But I just don't know why it had to be him? Why not my future husband or hell even a guy I loved deeply. I always use protection! I just feel like maybe I deserve this for wanting my first boyfriend. Or maybe I did something wrong? I never thought I would get pregnant now out of all times? I feel nausea and tired sometimes because I don't have any days off from work since I've found out. I keep trying to make it seem like I'm dreaming or something. I kind of regret telling the 4 people about my pregnancy but then I don't. I'm just confused, mad, sad, hurt all in one. I do know children are a great blessing but my goodness I'm lost for words. I don't even think I want to meet another guy or date. The next guy may be worse than this one. The father of the child is in college too, he doesn't have a car but he helps pay bills at home so he could help me if he wanted too, so that's another reason why I told him to never to contact me again. I wish I neverrrrrr everrrrrrrr met him, I don't hate him I just want nothing to do with him or see him or anything. Any advice will be greatly appreciated and thanks for the time to read it, I know it's a little long :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2014): Everything will be ok, don't worry!When I started reading your story, I thought it was me, my story, I too have dimples :), I had my first boyfriend 23 age and I too thought I met a great guy who is the one, before him I was a great student, but while dating him messed up some important grades. Life is not so easy... I didn't have sex with him though but I was actually considering to do it and am really happy I didn't do it.Don't be too harsh on yourself! Forgive yourself for your mistakes and move on! It took me more than a year to move on and forget him and also forgive myself for making him priority and forgetting my dreams and goals. It's been a few months I realized I have moved on and that I don't care about him anymore. I used to regret that I met him and let him play with my feelings, but now I look back and see that I have learned a lot. Now I know when I meet a new guy, I won't turn off my brain and think he is the one, I will be more careful and think twice before trusting, I won't make my school secondary and forget about my goals. It's ok you have told to some people, you need to have someone to talk to, to share what you feel. From my experience I would suggest to completely stop any type of contact with him, no calls, no meetings, no social media, absolutely nothing, that'll help you move on faster. Concentrate on your school and work, make your grades better, get new hobbies, find new friends, all of these will help you recover faster :)I wish you all the best and trust me everything will be ok!
A
female
reader, Princess_008  +, writes (15 November 2014):
In life, There's many downfalls. You are not the first one who has been hurt like that or probably i would you are enough lucky! Some people goes through worse than that.
Rather than feeling unlucky, you should be happy you found out that he's not the man of your life. Its better now that to have kids with him and then repent.
And yes you've made the right decision. Condom is not 100% reliable. Its better you currently concentrate on your career and remember be happy and live life to the fullest :)
Again you won't meet the right man so easily :) So expect the unexpected. Be careful next time you trust someone :) Try to know him well.
I wish you all the best with your struggle and in life :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2014): Next time there is another discussion here about equality and how women need to pay for themselves everywhere they go aNd split every bill in the restaurant otherwise they are gold diggers, this post should be mentioned.How is it suppose to be equal if it is a woman who gets pregnant and then a man who made this baby just doesnt not want even to pay HALF of medical procedure???? And then if a woman desided to keep a baby for religious or other reasons she will be the main provider and caretaker and man can just walk away.These stories happens all the time. Two were having sex and made that baby, but only a woman is somehow responcible because its in her body. Your guy is a total looser. If he can't take responsibility for his actions and pay the bill what else can you expect from him?? Good for you that you never want to see him again, that shows your character. Remember this, he will treat any woman like he treated you. It has nothing to do with you personally. You are very very young. You will find your man if you keep your principals that deserves you. Never settle for anyone. It's better be alone than be with someone who is like your ex boyfriend. It was a life experience for you. Life brings all kind of surprises. You sound like a strong person making right desisions, just next time be carefull and go on a pill.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 November 2014):
 The right guy will come along. Sadly this guy has turned out to be the wrong guy. And while character and courage and integrity are very important you have also mentioned that you're "very beautiful with a great smile with dimples," and further that you "love to laugh and have fun"
A positive frame of mind and a good sense of humour are great assets too.
This guy who meant so much to you, "doesn't have a car but he helps pay bills at home" is probably feeling overwhelmed. But you'd had enough and you told him you did not want contact again. I can understand that you were feeling very disillusioned when you said that to him.
Are you feeling like you should give him another chance? If you feel that your dismissal was too hasty you could contact him again and ask to see him talk things over, if you think it might help?
I am very sorry that you met a guy who hasn't had the courage, to date, to give you the support you clearly sought and wanted. He may feel out of his depth but a promise is a promise.
It's not much comfort now, but be pleased that he's revealed, so soon into your relationship, that he's unreliable.
To date, prior to you dismissing him, he appears to be a guy who's not a guy to stands by his word.
Perhaps a fair weather friend?
If that is the case then it suggests a guy who has a deficit in respect to strength of character, otherwise he would have tried to give you better support.
Condoms can be unreliable too. It's worth remembering for the future that the contraceptive pill, taken for at least one month prior to having sex, is the only reliable contraception. A condom properly applied and at the right time is the best protection against sexually transmitted diseases.
Have you been able to access reliable appropriate counselling?
It's a very tough situation where you feel sad and confused.
Some counselling might help, or at the very least allow a discussion with a non-judgemental considerate and kind person who will listen to what is important to you and respect your opinions, respect your privacy, respect your decisions that you feel are in your best interest.
My good wishes to you, and I hope that you do get the support you want.
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