A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am stuck in a marriage of 12 years with 2 children, my husband has always put me and my children 2nd to everybody else, only now I feel so stupid that I have put up with it so long.I have just changed my career and have met loads of lovely people who appreciate me for who I am - something I've never really experienced from my husband - he only seems content when I am down! He made so many promises before we were married, but didn't carry any of them through. I've approached him many times about this over the years and he apologises, starts being nice for a few days then it's back to normal again.I've recently met a guy who is 4 years younger than me, he makes me feel alive - I have such a laugh with him and he makes me feel special. When I am with him, it doesn't feel like cheating because I feel my marriage is non-existent - my husband and I haven't had a conversation in weeks, we just seem to be living in the same house where one is invisible to the other.It is tearing me apart, I really want to end it, but I can't because he is working hard towards a goal and I don't want to put the pressure on until he's finished, which is not until 4-5 months away.Do I be selfish and end it now or wait until he is on his feet and can make something of his life????? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (12 August 2007):
 You need to remove the guy at work out the equasion.
Ive been in a similar situation to you. There is never a good time to split. My husband was a lazy so n so & didnt work. I started a good job, within months i knew i wanted out, didnt have children or a property, so left.
So i undestand its harder for you. Although straight away i started dating a guy at work, was 10 yrs older than me & i ended up being with him 9 yrs and having 2 children with him. But we grew apart, or rather i grew away from him & after a few months of counselling i decided i had to get out of this, so we split. That was 6 yers ago now & everyone is happy. Hes living with someone now & my kids get on great with her & he has them every other weekend.
Im still single after a few failed relationships! haha But im happy this way.
I guess what im trying to say is if you feel you have fallen out of love with him , i think you need to call it a day & there really is never a good time to do that if someone will be devestated, but whats the alternative. You could wait, & i guess if it will make it easier for all of yo, you could. The children will prefer to have happy parents apart that unhappy ones together.
Good luck
C xxxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2007): Following on from my problem, I have no intention of getting into a full-on relationship with this other guy, I just am having fun when I am with him.
I want to leave my husband because I want to make a go of my life and be happy. I have every intention of keeping my children - they are my life! If I do meet somebody else in the future, they either accept me with my children or nothing at all.
I really want the break-up to be amicable, where he comes to see the children, they can go and stay with him, go on holidays etc.
Eve, I understand what you are saying, but he is not working hard for me and the children, he is doing it for his family who he has always put before us.
I have always felt like second best - not anymore! I'd rather be by myself than feel like this anymore!
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A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (12 August 2007):
 What is the goal he is working toward?
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (12 August 2007):
 I get the impression your husband is working long and hard to make a comfortable life for you all and you are bored, have started a new career and have met someone else. Whether you don't consider it cheating because you feel your marriage is "non existent" is neither here or there... YOU ARE CHEATING if you are seeing someone else behind your husband's back. (Sorry, I know the truth hurts). What you need to decide is whether or not you want to end this marriage and if you do then you need to take steps to do so. Just be SURE that is what you want. You have 2 kids to think about here too, do they go with you? Will this other man accept them if you ever move in together? Will the kids accept him?
You have a lot to think about here so think long and hard before making your decision. This will affect all your lives and your futures. There is never a good time to tell your husband but you DO need to tell him once you've made your decision. Good luck whatever you decide.
Eve
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