A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey allMight seem a silly question but i wondered if a couple are together a long time does it mean their love is going to be deeper than a couple who have say been together a couple of years as opposed to ten years? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 March 2019):
 Not necessarily. In theory yes, because in 10 years you've got more time for attachments to get deeper and stronger, and feelings to consolidate and grow than in 2 years. But in practice , there are many couples that stay together out of convenience, social pressure, habit, fear of the unknown, or a number of other reasons none of which having much to do with love.
Every couple is a different case.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (4 March 2019):
 There is no blanket answer for this. Yes it is possible to grow together and love each other more and more as time goes on but it is also possible for love to turn into dislike, distrust and in some cases pure outright hatred. My parents were married for almost 53 years and at the end they couldn't stand one another. I have seen people married for 50 years still madly in love. It depends on the 2 people.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2019): Love evolves and changes over time. It's what you feed into your relationship that keeps it sustained and flexible.
We have so many notions and perceptions that influence how we define love; and what we should expect from other people we offer it to. Each relationship is unique; based on the personalities that are brought together to create it. What all relationships require and the most important element that adds endurance to a relationship regardless of its age, is trust.
You can't love somebody you don't trust. You will withhold a portion of your affection; and replace or taint it with suspicion, insecurity, and distrust. Which will ultimately kill it. No matter how long it lasted before distrust took root.
People can stay together for years and years; even to the grave. They don't even have to love each other. They've just developed a tolerance or co-dependency; even what could be defined as an addiction to the other person. Some have survived on obsession. So you might say, the substance of what your relationship is built upon; defines what it is, and why it lasts. What works for one couple might not work for everyone.
No relationship will last without a common bond founded on trust. We surrender our vulnerability, because you trust someone. If they work hard to keep it, and to reinforce it; it will strengthen and promote a powerful connection that can endure many challenges and stand the test of time.
Some relationships last only a season or temporarily. They were a trial of your ability to love, trust, and to reciprocate what you receive from someone who wants to love you back. They aren't meant to stay, just to be there for as long as you could benefit emotionally; or to teach you something that might improve you somehow, or grant you better skills of survival. Some are their for punishment. For being hardheaded and prone to making bad decisions.
Love-hate relationships last for years. Nobody knows why, but the couple experiencing it. Everyone wonders whey they don't separate, or they might kill each other. They've developed something between them that won't break, even if severely damaged. Only they depend on it as the glue that holds them together. Is it love? Maybe...maybe not. It works for them. It simply defies logic and explanation.
It's never the length of time it lasts necessarily. It's what it's built on. Quality over quantity. How you perceive love and what you want from the other person you attempt to share it with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2019): Yes, I think most couples do or should develop a deeper love the longer they are together. Unless one of them is faking it or playing the other person for SEX purposes only. Then only one ends up having a deeper love while the other only wanted sex. Or maybe both only wanted sex so the love never gets deeper. It is only lust. But sometimes the deeper love lessens with time if a couple are incompatible or if one of them cheats or cheats habitually. So, there are many variables. Yes, logically one would think the longer a couple is together the more time the love has to become deeper, more intimate and more evolved. But this does not always happen. Sometimes a couple together for 5 years can be more deeply in love than a couple who is together for 20 years. And sometimes the opposite. There is no sure fire formula. It does differ from couple to couple.
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (3 March 2019):
 They might have a deeper love if they have a lot of shared experiences that bond them but with time you can also grow to resent and lose respect for someone so in those cases people who choose to stay together could be doing it for different reasons......kids/money, etc!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 March 2019):
 There are no "rules set in stone" for HOW deep a couples love it.
I think love can grow and keep on growing, the longer you are with someone, but it's not always in that "honey moon phase" kind of love, that isn't always sustainable.
Others stay together not out of love but familiarity and fear of what else is out there.
Love isn't the same for all people. We all experience our OWN version of what we believe love is. Therefore, you can't really compare it.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 March 2019):
Either that or they can't stand each other.
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