A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need to know if you have been with your partner for a few years,and you find out that hes been texting one of your friends both doing this behind your back but no sexual contact is this classed as cheating?
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Technically no, but it depends what's being said such texts as "I love you and can't wait till you dump her." or "Can you get away tonight, so we can spend time together."..then you've got to people conspiring to cheat..There could be no sexual contact going on just yet.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 October 2010):
 I say it depends on the content of said texts. I may text my GF's friend in secret if I'm trying to plan a surprise for my GF, or maybe try to come up with gift ideas that I don't want my GF to know about. It could be completely innocent. Who knows, over the course of your relationship, they may have become friends too and therefore are texting like friends would.
I don't go directly to cheating. If he's texting inappropriate things, then it's just as Tisha says. Since we don't know what was in the texts, we can't answer your question.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): If there's nothing going on between them then he wouldn't need to hide it.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Whether it's cheating or not they both kept this a secret from you, which means something was likely going on between them. Why else would they both feel the need to hide the fact that they were talking to each other?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Is he arguing that he's done nothing wrong? Is that why you had to ask the question about this?
It's really semantics, isn't it? He and she have obviously been doing something they couldn't tell you about. It's not okay, you know it's not okay, so stop arguing about the definition and start pointing out the effects. He's trying to distract you from the real issue, which is that he has proven himself and she has proven herself to be untrustworthy and disloyal, at the very least.
You know what? I think life is too short to spend it worrying about the actions and motives of the people close to you. I think this guy and your friend have proven themselves to be untrustworthy and selfish and impulse drive, definitely not honorable or loyal. I think life is too short to go through it with people like this close to you. You will never feel the same about him, imagine how it'll be going through life worrying that he's going to be looking for something on the side. He may love you and all that, but what does that really matter if he can't control himself?
If it were me, I'd be cutting them out of my life as they've proven they are willing to treat me like that. Yuck. Not nice.
Stop arguing the semantics and focus on the outcome and the impact their actions have had on you. You reframe the argument, okay? You take back control.
Good luck.
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