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anonymous
writes: I'm a 26 year old male, who finds socialising extremely difficult. I crave
for people's attention, but do not seem to have the magnetic personality
that can keep a person enthralled. I wouldn't describe myself as
intellectually challenged. However, I do struggle to understand sarcasm,
irony, lack a sense of humour and feel uncomfortable with small talk. All of
the above are necessary components for developing rapport and complicity
with someone else, especially when trying to attract a significant other.
How often have I heard women comment that what attracts them most of all is
a wicked/good sense of humour. Furthermore, I believe that women aren't
interested in nice. If you are nice to a woman perhaps eventually she will
feel affection for you, but never attraction. To illicit attraction you have
to tease and use humour, two qualities that do not come naturally to me. I
generally try to avoid interacting with groups of people as I am unsettled
by this scenario. I prefer settings where the focus is on the activity being
carried out rather that your traditional socially based setting such as
clubs or pubs.
Thankfully I can maintain eye-contact with someone, but cannot flirt and my
conversation is somewhat forced and artificial. I tried to chat someone up
in the laboratory today by talking about biomolecular techniques - tragic, I
know. It's almost as if I am in a different frequency to everyone else and
cannot get to grips with normal interaction.
I'm at ease having conversations about current affairs or factual topics,
but would like to connect with someone on an emotional level. I am just not
sure if I have it in me to relate to other people in this way. I feel as if
I am loosing out on this aspect of my life and need someone else's
perspective.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bitch  +, writes (19 November 2009):
women like guys that laugh at their jokes and if you laugh at a persons joke even if you don't think it is really funny they will like being around you. People like to talk about themselves, you can make a person feel good about themselves by letting them talk about themselves... it is that simple really.
A
reader, PersonX +, writes (9 May 2005):
You obviously have a lot of emotion inside you to be able to write what you just did, which shows that it isn't what you're capable of that's the problem, but your nerves.It seems you haven't been brought up in a very social environment, so you're not used to interaction with others. This is leading you to avoid social situations, which is in turn keeping you away from getting used to this interaction; a catch 22. What you need to do, in my opinion, is go out as much as possible no matter how awkward it feels, and eventually you will connect socially and realise what you need to do; after all, how can you meet people by hiding away?
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