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anonymous
writes: I am 28, single and have been emailing a guy in the USA who I "met" through an internet chat room a few months ago. We don't talk sexually at all, we talk intelligently about all kinds of things, but mainly about life, our thoughts and feelings etc. We are totally on the same wave length, almost like soul mates. He says the most interesting and perfect things and I very much enjoy writing to him and also reading his letters. There is no talk of meeting up, we are happy just emailing but do you think this is wrong? Is it silly and pointless to email somebody you've never met. I look forward to his daily emails, they make me smile so is it doing any harm? Also, what if we really are soul mates, do you think one day we should arrange to meet?
C
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, communicatrix +, writes (18 June 2005):
 In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with two adults doing whatever they like, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. So if you two really groove on the emails and it makes you happy to just be grooving on the emails and he feels the same way, by all means, write on. I've had some fantastic email exchanges with people I've never met; something about the freedom of not knowing one another can make the conversations richer and more fascinating, and you might learn some interesting things about yourself and life and who-knows-what else.
But I'm sensing you maybe want to meet this guy, only you're afraid to bring it up. So maybe you want to think about that for awhile. Because if you're thinking of him as a soul mate and you really are satisfied with never meeting him, well, that's a little odd, no? And if some part of you wants to meet him and you're not bringing it up with him in these email exchanges out of fear of rejection, well, then you're not being totally honest with this soul mate, are you?
I'm not saying you should meet; I'm not saying you shouldn't. I'm not saying you should move this from email only; I'm not saying you shouldn't.
I am saying I think this is a great opportunity for you to get really clear and honest about what it is you do want. The more in touch with your feelings you are, the better decisions you're going to make for yourself, both online and in the real world.
Good luck to you!
A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (6 May 2005):
 If you meet you you should prepare yourself to be disappointed. Trust me, I've been there. Don't become obsessed with this guy or think he's your soul mate, enjoy it for what it is: A bit of harmless fun.
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