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anonymous
writes:
I have been living with my housemate for over two years, in the last year since I split with my ex boyfriend we have become very close and spend most of our days together. He would often touch me in a sexually playful ways and strip me half naked in wrestles, but after I asked him out he said that he was ‘only joking’ and that he didn’t fancy me. But last weekend after ‘playing’ he told me he wasn’t joking and that he found me very attractive. That night we slept together and had great sex. But said he wants nothing more, that he doesn’t want a girlfriend and he views me as friend.
We have sex at weekends, secretly. I’d like sex more often but he says that isn’t wise. We act like we are still friends even when we are alone together. When all I want to do is touch him, kiss him etc, as a couple would. We still spend a lot of time together. The only thing that has changed between us is that he doesn’t ‘play’ with me much anymore. I miss the attention. Since we have slept together I have become overwhelmingly emotionally attached to him, I love him. But I’m so afraid of being hurt. He said once that he didn’t want to lose me as friend and that’s why he hesitated before from sleeping with me. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to be my boyfriend. Though I view him as mine. Should I confront him and tell him how I feel and demand a relationship? What if he doesn’t want a relationship? Do I mean nothing more to him than sex? Do you think he feels anything for me at all?
Thankyou in advance
Any advice would be much appreciated,
S
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): I think I might be falling for my housemate too, although I'm trying to stop myself... We went out together the other night & after a few drinks we ended up in his bed givingeach other massages. I slept in his bed but we didn't have sex, in fact the furthest we've gone is a drunken kiss. How can I stop myself when all I want to do right now is knock on his bedroom door?...
My advice is to try & stay just friends, but for me this is becoming increasingly difficult!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): God, our situations sound quite similar. I used to playfight with my housemate, go for coffees with him everyday - he even waited an hour for me when I had things to do one day, drinks at the pub every time he had time off. THen. We slept together. I didn't even think of him like that until one night I was drunk and found out he was a talented boy!
He said he'd wanted to do it for ages. He was the one who acted all boyfriendy when we said we wouldn't but then all the friendship stuff stopped. No playfighting. HUGE rows. Coffee once in a blue moon, but he's not the one to suggest it anymore.
I realised, like you, that I've started to feel attached to him. He's not gonna budge but I act as if he will. But you and I have gotta ask ourselves - would it be worth it after so much persuasion?
I don't know what the answer is - I'm desperate to move out so if we do maintain contact, falling into bed with each other will be less likely and I can see if he ever did wanna be friends or if he was really just trying to gain my confidece until I slept with him. Can I ask - are you still sleeping with your guy? Do you get the same doubt that when he says he really wants to be friends he just wants you to be less moody so he can get some?
Maybe we can help each other feel a bit better about this.
Good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2005): Yes. Confront him. You're not happy now, and so you have to do something about it or you'll keep being unhappy for much longer. He obviously likes you and finds you attractive, and he'll suspect you like him more so it wont be a shock or change anything dramatically for the worse. He obviously likes you more than just sex (you're a good friend right?) and he's jus avoiding answering any of your questions maybe because he's not ready to confront them himself. The fact he's hiding your relationship suggests that he knows its more than just casual because otherwise it wouldnt be a big deal. And the fact that he doesnt just flirt openly with you anymore suggests that he knows something has changed in your relationship and hes not sure how to act.I think you need to let him know that youre not gonna stand for being messed around. But once he has told you how he feels dont probe anymore, you'll get no more answers. Be firm but not annoying. You could spoil a friendship or make it difficult for others in the house. Good Luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2005): Sounds like you enjoy the sex as much as he does. I wouldn't press the issue!
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