A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone.Im really not sure how to put this really but my gf and i are expecting a baby in early feb, but the thing is im becoming more worried about this as when we both found out i didn't want a child as really we havent been out that long, and i asked her to get an abortion but obvious she said no, anyway things are not adding up when we first met she told me she was on the pill, then found out she wasnt, then she went on the pill docs told her the right pill for her like hight and weight and stuff and then look what happened it didnt work and shes now pregnent and then she has also said to me stuff like if you want to split you dont have to pay any money towards the baby, im really having different minds about this now like did she really plan it, are both her and her mum on this together,also thinking about asking for a dna test when baby is bornAny advice on this? as at the moment it driving me mad as i think this is all turning to sus for me thanks for reading its just to get off my head
View related questions:
abortion, money, the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Renee okc  +, writes (22 August 2009):
Why are you trying to blame her for being pregnant it takes two and if you really didn't want a child you should have worn protection. You have every right to want a DNA test and you should let her know that a.s.a.p. She has probably said you didn't have to pay for the baby because you asked her to have a abortion which means you didn't want a child right now and she thinks she is letting you off the hook. She has come to terms with her decision and is taking responsibility what is wrong with that. What does her mom have to do with this. Maybe they did want a child and you are a lucky victim congrats. What ever her motive is the baby is coming accept for the DNA test you need to get over the conspiracy theory because if there was a plan you went for it willingly
didn't you. Enjoy your child and forget all these notions that you were trapped because you helped good luck......
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): If the baby is your's, then you really are just as much to blame as her. Did you not think there was a chance she wouldn't take the pill? since she lied to you about being on the pill before when actually she wasn't!! You should always take the extra precaution of wearing a condom, since neither the pill or condom are 100% effective on their own. I think ultimatly it is upto you to decide weather or not you can put your different views of the matter aside and be a father to the child anyway.
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (21 August 2009):
 Like it or not, you did the deed, and sex makes babies.
Every method has an "ideal" effectiveness rate, and an "actual use" rate - because sex is the human way of procreation and nature is very determined to get that egg fertilized:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_birth_control_methods
As far as wondering if you were tricked, you weren't tricked into having sex with her, were you? You did use your own barrier method, a condom, too? And why on earth would you sleep with a woman whose character you now suspect; and accuse her of doing this accidently, on purpose... If you suspected this all along, then why did you sleep with her? Or are you just questioning her character because you are scared of having a baby? Try having one growing on the INSIDE of you!
I'm still trying to figure out what you think is in it for the Mom... I'm a Mom, and if one of my kids got pregnant without planning it, they know that they would be be getting this lecture. But, then, they seem to be doing just fine with the lectures I gave them about respectful relationships and when it is appropriate to start having sex...
Shouldn't you have known a LOT more about her before having sex if what you suspect is true? How long did you know each other for? Sex is a responsibility! It's not a casual act. It's something that you are supposed to do when you are in love with someone else, not scratch an itch just because you can. If you have sex, you can get a girl pregnant. It doesn't matter if she is crazy, if she is only a girl that you'd like to fuck, or a one night stand. The simpler methodology here is the you need to KNOW the person well enough that you want them to be the mother of your future children and wife or not, and if not, then don't have sex.
It's a wee bit late to be worrying about this now at this late date. You are going to be a Dad, and the best thing to do is try to be the best Dad that you possibly can for the sake of the child. If it helps you to get over your paranoia, then by-all-means, get a DNA test.
And go back and reread the OTHER paragraph before you start having babymommas all over the place. You ARE in charge of all of the decisions that you make for yourself. You need to man up, like the other poster said, and yes, you deserved this lecture.
...............................
A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (21 August 2009):
 Hi, not quite sure i'm with you on this one mate. You say you found out she wasn't on the pill. Why didn't you put something on the end of it then? If you suspected this was what she was about you could've done something about it. You chose not to and this is the result. Use a condom in future
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (21 August 2009):
 I cannot tell you if your GF tricked you into fathering a child or not, and no-one on this website can do that. However, I can tell you that accidents do happen that lead to babies being made. Women do have contraceptive failure with the pill - they forget to take it, they have stomach upset that means it doesn't get absorbed into the body, they take antibiotics or other medicines that interfere with its effectiveness, they take it and it doesn't work (although this last one is a rare-event). I can also tell you that regardless of what your girlfriend says, you will have financial responsibilities towards this child. If she ever claims benefits then the income support people will chase you for baby-payments right up to the age of 18 years as they pass information to the child support agency. She could also go to court to get financial arrangements enforced. DNA testing will cost you a few hundred pounds, unless you go on the Jeremy Kyle show in which case he will give a test for free for the 'entertainment' of a public slanging match. It can take a while for fatherhood to sink in, but the reality is that you had unprotected sex with this girl and you have to take responsibility for that - you took her word for it that she was on the pill and didn't use a condom. You asked her to terminate, she declined and she has every right to do that. Regardless of whether you want to be a father or not, it seems that you will be and you have a financial responsibility towards the child regardless of whether you continue the relationship with the mother or not. Having said that I do not hold up much hope for you and your girlfriend in terms of the relationship. Basically if you are this paranoid and suspicious about her actions now, it will breed a terrible resentment and bitterness into your relationship with her. Having children is stressful at the best of times, so your relationship with your other half has to be rock-solid to withstand the sleepless nights, the lack of sex and lack of adult-free time.
...............................
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (21 August 2009):
 Unfortunately one of the responsibilities of having sex is the fact that the girl might get pregnant. The fact that you stuck your penis into her vagina is one of those silent obligations that you accept pregnancy might just happen. It really doesn't matter if she was lying to you or not before, the fact of the matter is, you're now stuck with this responsibility. A child. It's really up to her whether she has an abortion or not, and seeing as she doesn't want to, it's another cue that you are going to have to man up and accept the choices that you made before.
By having sex, you now are responsible. Maybe next time you'll wear a condom, or even better yet, be a little more mature when considering intercourse all together. There is really no one to blame but yourself, because only you could have biologically knocked the girl up. And I highly doubt she cheated and this baby isn't yours. I think you're just using that as an excuse to back away from your legal obligation. So do a little growing up and man up to your choices. Good luck. I hope you choose to support this kid, or else legal action might ensue.
...............................
|
