A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have recently found out that my partner had an affair for several months. My partner said that during this affair, they still loved me and always has and always will. The affair ended because the other person wanted a committment and my partner was not willing to do this as it was made clear from the start that leaving me was never going to happen.What I am concerned about is that did they stay with me because of our 4 children or was I really their first choice (so to speak). Can I believe what they have told me?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 February 2011):
If he actually told you about it, then I would say it's more likely he wanted to stay because he loved you and not just for the kids. I can't really add anything that Blonde68 hasn't said. This is something you need to talk about with him, and you both need to decide whether this marriage is worth fighting for or not. But, for what it's worth, I think it's more likely he does love you, even if he did screw up monumentally.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe answer to Blonde68 is yes I have asked him and CaringGuy is yes he told me
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (27 February 2011):
I guess this is a question you need to ask him. No doubt whatever he replies with, you will decide for yourself what you want to believe.... he could tell you a 1000 times a day he stayed because of you, but whether you choose to believe him is another matter.
Some men/women do stay with their partners because of the children, however, there are also others that will walk away and be with the other lover because the feelings are so strong and they will just face whatever problems are ahead of them with regards to ex and children etc.
There has obviously been some problems in your relationship for your partner to stray.... If he has chosen to stay with you, and you have chosen to forgive him, then wouldn't it be better to spend your time rebuilding your love for each other rather than trying to decide whether he stayed because of the children.
Its just my opinion on things, and I hope it helped a little.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionInitially he told me he had a one night stand, then a couple of months later he told me it was an affair once she started telling people she had slept with him once
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 February 2011):
It depends how you found out. Did he tell you he'd been having an affair? Or did you find out suddenly?
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