A
female
age
30-35,
*mandanash
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together a year. He's a very caring person, always there for me and if I ask, will go out of his way to help me out. We keep in contact the whole day by texting or calling each other. He normally initiates sending a good morning text to me.Though I have some concerns and don't know if I'm just reading into it too much.He hasn't told me loves me. We also don't talk about future plans. We talk about things we want to do together in the summer, or places that one day would be fantastic to visit, but thats about it. No talks of where we'll be a year from now, or him telling me he wants to be with me for a long time. Also, he doesn't have a lot of money, thus never really buys me anything either.He's had an ex fiancée before as well, which perhaps makes him cautious about certain things, but i'm not sure.When we first got together, he had an addiction (not to drugs or anything life threatening) and told me he wanted to give it up because of me, and because I've been the only girl that's worth giving it up for. He's not terribly communicative, and I've talked to him about this. He's a man of few words and does have a hard time just saying how he feels.I've met his family as well.Should I be concerned about the relationship? About him not telling me he loves me, him being non-communicative and him never talking about future plans with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): Sometimes you have to lead with the questions or at least hint at what this man has in mind with you. Remember by the way he is acting he might just about be half way there with what your looking from him. Actions speak louder than words. Look for non verbal communications. Does he call often? Does he buy you any little gifts or treats he knows you like? Good-luck...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): If he has a fantastic job, why is he always broke? Are you sure he is over his addiction?
That's something you should delve into more. A guy with a great job who never has money...thats suspicious.
And with a great job he should buy you gifts and take you out. That would annoy me too.
At 28, he should be talking about a future.
He is non communicative and it seems like you are too. You need to lay down and express what you want and what your expectations are. You need to speak up. He may be non communicative but you didnt say he is a bad listener. If you communicate your expectations and what you want, he will listen and take it into account. You may be pleasantly surprised as he may work harder to please you.
If there is a restaurant you want to go to say, "Honey, there's this new restaurant I want to try. Will you take me out?" I do this all the time with my boyfriend. He says, "Okay, lets go."
Even with gifts, sometimes you have to drop hints or suggest that there is something you want and would like him to buy for you. Take him shopping with you and let him buy you something. He may offer or you may have to bring it up. Dont be afraid, guys like doing nice things for their girlfriends, they just often dont know what to do.
He may need a "take charge" type of girl. Some guys are like that. If you dont speak up and express yourself he may just be thinking you are happy with the way things are.
So speak up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): I'm 22 and he's 28. He has a fantastic job, and is already done with college.
We both know what we want for our careers, but we are musicians, so it's not something we can predict right now, it it will work out or not.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (20 May 2013):
Listen, if you want to be concerned that he hasn't said "I love you" after 3 dates, that's your right. However, if you're trying to get to know his motives a little better so that you can make an educated decision, then here goes:
There are some people who worry about the future and some who tale things one day at a time, such as your boyfriend. He'll probably always be this way.
I'm assuming he is not going to school and doesn't have a job or at least not a good one. But, he's happy and that's a plus. The problem is that it causes complacency, so he doesn't push for more.
The thing is, you guys are still pretty young. At your age I ended a relationship with someone who I cared a lot about because of her insistence that we start talking about marriage and a family. I just wasn't ready for that.
The bottom line is that you're going to have to tell him your thoughts on the matter. Don't mention marriage/children or you'll scare him. But tell him you've been thinking of your own future and want to know where he fits in. Will he be going to college? Getting a better job? Will you be moving in together? Etc. These are things that you have every right to think about. But you also need to accept the fact that you two might just be on completely different pages. If that's the case I don't recommend spending any more time with him as time is precious. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (20 May 2013):
 This is one of those cases where actions speak louder than words. He sounds lovely and is probably just taking things slow to stop himself from getting hurt. Have you told him you love him?
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