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anonymous
writes: Do rebounds ever last?...My now ex bf of 2 years (Age 22) who I lived with, left me (age 19), 3 months ago for another girl who is only 17. He seemed to go out with her almost immediately, but I can't understand how emotionally he can move on so soon after our relationship. We were so deeply in love before I noticed the usual 'cheating signs' and never spent a night apart. I am still convinced we are made for each other. I loved him dearly and stil not a second goes by without me thinking of us, we were perfect together. I have really struggled to cope with life since he left. What are the chances he felt our relationship was too intense, and wanted out and so found her as a means to get out... we stay in touch but he shows no real emotion towards me. I just don't understand, what are the chances it will last between them? Should I move on, tell him how I feel? I would do anything to get him back...Arghhh, men! Help!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Hiya, first off im really sorry to hear what happened- im in more or less the same situation and im in pieces 90% of the time. Both me and my boyfriend are 19, going to be 20 this year, we were together for 2 years and i had never been so happy in my life; he was my first boyfriend and i loved him so much. I really thought he loved me as well, he was still telling me he loved me and he wanted a future with me right up until he broke up with me, giving me a load of very unacceptable excuses. I then found out 5 days later that not only had he got a new girlfriend who was still a couple of weeks off her 16th birthday. I found out (not from him) that he had been telling her he lved her and wanted to leave me. I was devastated and i still am. I know as much as he makes out that is is down to me, that its not becuase all i ever did was love him, he meant everything to me and at the end of the day he still did it.
i still feel we are made for each other and i feel lost without him, he wont talk to me at all even though he said he wanted to stay in touch so its very hurtful. I know theres nothing i can say t make it better other than just focus on the good memories you have and take comfort in the fact that your conscience is clean in all of this and somewhere out there is someone else who will treasure you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): this is incredibly simple, I go with the first answer to your question. You can't have love that is too intense -\love is an intense emotion it's like saying the water is too wet.
What you often have is one person who loves more. The more they show that love the more the object of their love moves away - creating a self perpetuating situaion - which is hurtful for the one who loves more. He did not love you if he cheated on you. Maybe he wanted to tell you that he wanted to leave the relationship but didn't have the balls. But his head (and his balls) left the relationship when he cheated on you. Infidelity and love are not good bed partners. You start to get over someone when you stop giving them your 'take', benefit of the doubt and excuses. He is only 22 - still young (women mature so much quicker emotionally) I know a man like this in his late 40s! Who did just what your man did. It doesn't stop you loving him, but you must see him and the situation for what it is. He could not/did not want to commit. You did. He found someone else. You need to. Try to remember him in reality not through rose tinted glasses.
I wrote a 20 item long list as to why my ex was not good enough for me. Worked for me. He contacts now but I am well on my way to moving on and am simply polite to him.
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reader, LostNotWorried +, writes (7 June 2005):
Have you ever read "He's Just Not That Into You"? You should, because that's exactly the deal here. When I was 19, I had a female friend who was much older and very wise. I would talk to her about guy problems and she would always give the best advice. Most importantly, she taught me that all men share one trait when it comes to love: If a man wants a woman, he will move Heaven and Earth to have her. Nothing or no one will stand in his way! He will not cheat on her,or "forget" to call her. He will not ask to "take a break" or claim he has a fear of committment. You,my dear, deserve a man who knows what he wants, AND THAT IS YOU! You do not sit around and wait for him to decide. Get back your power NOW and move on for good. "When someone shows you who he is, believe him". -Maya Angelou
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reader, carla +, writes (3 June 2005):
He left you because he was insecure.
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reader, annabelle_me +, writes (2 June 2005):
Have you ever heard the saying "If you love someone let them go if they come back their yours if not it was meant to be" well thats easier said then done isn't it.I know you love him and it's hard to move on without him, but life is hard at times. The only thing you can do is pick yourself up and try to move on, it won't be easy, but with time you will move on, your so young you have so much more to experience in your life time, and with that more heartaches will follow just try and remember that love will find a way.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (2 June 2005):
 It could have been the case that things were too intense for him and that's why he left and went with someone else. However, it also suggests that he hasn't matured emotionally. From that point of view, you are better off without him.It probably won't last between them if he is this way but unfortunately, that doesn't necessarily mean he will want to return to you. He may do but he may just keep looking for a new love interest.I don't think he is mature enough to have experienced love yet. To be able to flit from one girl to another is indicative of that.I think what you are craving is the closeness and intimacy of a relationship.Yes, you do need to move on and let him be. You could find someone who won't let you down and cheat on you and while you are thinking about your ex, your aren't able to do this.Get out there and start looking for a decent man who is worthy of you.Good luck.
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reader, lucy +, writes (2 June 2005):
Men can totaly suck sometimes! lol. I seriously think you should move on and forget about him. I know it's easier said than done but, you're young and have your whole life ahead of you. So why not go out with some girlfriends and just have fun, trying to forget this guy. In no time at all you'll meet someone new and you'll realise that this guy isn't good enough for you if he is gonna go off with someone else. I know it sounds hard but by trying to block him out of your life all together it will make things easier to get over him than still being friends with him. I can't say whether he thought your relationship was too intense or not but I do know that he definitely doesnt deserve you. Let him realise that you are a great girl who does not need a man (especially him) to make her happy. xxx
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