A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Heyweird fight with my girlfriend the other day and I am so confused.what is the appropriate response in this sort of situation:We went to a party at a mutual friends house. One of the guys there brought along a new girlfriend to introduce to everyone. She looked just like my girlfriend, everyone said so and it was an ongoing topic of conversation- how they could be twins, how they must have been seperated at birth and all that. EVERYONE noticed it. So later on that night she asked me if I thought the other girl was attractive. I said, "Yes, she looks just like you and you're gorgeous"She got really really pissed off at me and refused to touch me or talk to me for the rest of the night!WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY???Please help, she's still mad at me and I have no idea what to do. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): There's the other side of the coin - if you should ever get into this other girl's company again, just tell your girl that you think her 'twin' is really ugly and you can't see why any man would fancy her.
That should make her feel a lot better about herself and less insecure.
Phil
A
female
reader, IntoxicatingLastBreath  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 Awww
You didn't answer the question wrongly dont worry..she just took it in the wrong way, because jealousy can tick very easily at any time.
Have you tried explaining to her that you only meant that she was gorgeous? And that you were trying to compliment her?
Maybe write her a poem or something explaining things? :P
If she's into that sort of stuff anyway
It's worth a shot :]
Good luck and feel free to contact me
~Krissy [x]
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (15 January 2008):
 This is one of those times when you have to LIE to your woman. This girl could have been prettier than your girl and you STILL have to lie! Its like the old "Do I look fat in this dress?" question. You Lie to her and say she looks great in the dress, even if she wieghs three hundred pounds. Never ever say other women are prettier than her in any sense...even if the other girl is her twin! Yah, I know it doesn't make sense, but that's how some women think.
That said, she does sound like a girl with major confidence and insecurity issues. It was really a question that couldn't be answered fairly. She put you on the spot and it was a dumb question considering the situation.
It will pass though. Give her a nice gift, take her out and show her a good time. Water under the bridge.
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female
reader, AuntyLou +, writes (15 January 2008):
Be upfront with her. Ask her what she'd have done in your situation? Her question to you was 'Do you think she's attractive?' Not 'Do you like her better than me?' Can she honestly say that she doesn't find other men attractive to look at? But that's totally different to knowing what's beneath the pretty packaging.
She is, like most women, insecure in her own attractiveness. She sounds very young and so she can hardly be blamed for an immature response to the answer you gave her.
Tell her it's her you love. Tell her that had your response been 'No, she's a dog!' how she would have felt about that?!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): A man was walking along the road and came across a little brass lamp, so he gave it a rub and out popped a genie, with his arms folded and wearing a turban. The Genie said "I'll grant you one wish" The man said "I thought we were supposed to get three wishes?" So the genie told him that look, it had been a very hard day and he was tired. One wish, take it or leave it.
"Ok," said the man "I have relatives in Australia that I havent seen for years and I'd like to surprise them by turning up on their doorstep. The only problem is that I'm terrified of flying and if I even look at a boat I get seasick, but I like driving. What I wish for is a bridge from Lands End all the way to Australia with the occasional filling station, rest stop and McDonalds along the way."
"look mate" said the genie, "I told you - I've had a hard day so I'd really appreciate it if you came up with something simpler than that!"
"Ok" said the man, "it's always been a mystery to me, but I wish I knew how a womans' mind works. Perhaps you could tell me how to find out?"
The genie replied "Now then - that bridge - you want two lanes or four?"
I guess you'll find yourself in the same situation with the "Does my bum look big in this?" type of question!
Best of luck mate, sounds like you've got a hypersensitive one there!
Phil
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (15 January 2008):
 I agree with all the other answers that conveyed that you should always make the girl that you are with feel that She is the most beautiful woman in the world, and no one else compares to her. Remember that .... ALWAYS ... It is a GOLDEN RULE ! All women know that... but alot of men don't.
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male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (15 January 2008):
I think my answer would have been yes she is very attractive, she is nearly as attractive as you.
I feel for you though - you were really in a tough one here.
The reason she reacted the way she did was that she felt threatened by this other girl and wanted re-assurance from you. Looks like regarding your comment you failed to deliver this in the way that she wanted you to.
Tell her what you have written here and say that you felt a bit trapped knowing how much like your girlfriend this other girl looked.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): NEVER say anything that puts another woman at the same level or above your woman NEVER. Us women think and our partner must know that we are superior to every woman in every way for the eternity. You see? She already felt less special with everyone saying there was 'another one of her' at the party. The last thing she needed was to listen to you say that you found an equally attractive woman in the same city. Now she feels very insecure. Once my then best friend asked her then bf if he thought we looked alike (because people always said we looked like twins) and he said that she was prettier. That wasn't true but for him it was the right thing to say.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (15 January 2008):
 If your girlfriend ever asks if another woman is attractive, the standard answer is NO or Not as attractive as you are, Dear. It's obvious by her asking that she was insecure about this particular other female, so just tell a little white lie. This answer works when answering most women in this situation, no matter what age group or how evolved we consider ourselves to be, we all see someone who makes us jealous every once in a while, and just by posing the question, she pointed out that she needed reassurance. The fact that everyone was saying that they could have been twins could have brought it on. She wanted to know - Yes, but am I the good-looking one? Am I the one that YOU like? It's kind of a no-win situation, so just say NO and then quickly change the subject.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): Hi sweetie....for the record I don't think you could have won here, your girlfriend would have been defensive and displeased no matter your respons, you could have said, nah, everyone think she looks like you but I think you are way hotter, and she wouldn't have believed you because of what everyone else said, and you response that she was attractive to you because she looked just like her and you think she is beautiful would have made an insecure girl feel threatened.
This truly is her issue, she is very insecure in herself and bases her self esteem and value on her looks only, which is a very sad by product of our current society...as well as a byproduct of a girl who internalizes all that she sees, and does not believe in her own value.
This is a no win situation, give her time to cool off, don't apologize and she will realize on her own that she was an idiot, and if she doesn't then you are better off....as nothing you can do will fill her empty soul up with self acceptance. God Bless
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): I don't want to be close minded and I know that you meant well with what you said but the better answer would have been "You are way prettier." I know you may be confused and not understand why that would have been a better answer but many girls, including myself, don't want to hear about how you think someone else is just as pretty as us, even if we ask. But in the same sentence you also were basically saying the other girl is gorgeous too when she wanted you to say that she was prettier. We are not stupid and we know that you are attracted to other females we just don't want to hear about it. If anything we just want you to tell us that we are the prettiest girl you've ever seen. I know you were trying to be honest and were complimenting her so don't feel bad about it.
But just know that she probably asked you that just so that you would reaffirm to her that you thought that she is the best and that the other girl was no comparison to her. That's all. I know maybe it sounds silly, perhaps she overreacted, but just flatter her and always make her feel like she is better than other girls. But don't fret cause I know you meant well and that was a super compliment telling her that she is gorgeous. Unfortunately you were also saying the other girl is gorgeous too. You live and learn. Maybe you will understand it better someday.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): I think a better response would have been, ''They say she looks like you, but you're beautiful, and she isnt.''
As a girl, if my boyfriend said what you said to me, I wouldnt be pleased either. This comes across to us like you're finding the other girl just as attractive as your girlfriend - which would be very bad.
Just be careful what you say about other girls, as we generally hold stuff in our heart for a long time.
Maybe go and say to her now, something like, ''You know the party? Well, just to let you know, you're way more beautiful than her, and you're the only girl for me'' It may seem like it happened ages ago, but I guarentee she'll remember it, and will have been thinking about it. You've gotta regain her trust, in a way.
Good luck :]
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): Well first of all I would've said something like nah baby that girl aint nothing compared to you!! you are beautiful and I dont think yall look anything alike!! you might just have to tell a little white lie just to make your girl feel good about herself cuz alot of girls out there are very self-conscious about themselves!!
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female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (15 January 2008):
 Hi. Maybe she thought that you were flirting with her or thinking of her in a sexual/pervy way. But een if she did think that she didn't have to react like that. She should've taken it as a compliment.
This random customer at work told me I looked like his ex. I was just like...Ok. But I didn't take it as an insult. If you look like someone's ex then then you just look like someone's ex. Simple. It's a debatable fact since you haven't seen this so called look-alike but it is what it is, there's nothing you can do about it.
It's nothing to take offence to. Unless she has actually seen your ex and thinks she looks nothing like her and that your ex is a less attractive version of her then she has no reason to take offence to your comment. You gave her a compliment and she shouldn't have acted like that.
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (15 January 2008):
 Sorry dude,
Can't really advise you what else you could have said. If you had only said she looks gorgeous then a rather fickle personality might overreact. But as you qualified the comment by saying she is as hot as you, I really havent a clue. Mind you, hopefully some of the female correspondents will have a better take than this.
But she sounds needy and insecure to me bro. You might want to keep a close eye , I think the jealous green eyed monster might be about to rear its ugly head.
Good luck!
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