A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:First of all, I'm sorry for how long this is! It would mean a lot to me if you would read it all and give me your advice, thanks!- - -I met this girl over the summer while on an outdoor experiential type program. Almost on day one I knew she was something special, but getting to know her more and more I just fell head over heals. I wasn't really sure how to say how I felt on the program, since it was a relatively small group of people and we were together 24/7 and totally isolated for several weeks, and I didn't want to make anything awkward.This girl is so amazingly beautiful, intelligent, and has so many things in common with me in a bunch of different areas. I've thought about her every single day since we met.Since the program, we've hung out as friends on several occasions, but everytime I have chickened out or made up some excuse in my mind and tried to plan some better time when I could tell her how I feel. After three months I finally got fed up with myself and decided to just go for it because I was just so damn crazy about her and didn't want to miss my chance.After that though it was three weeks before we could actually see eachother again. We ended up having a great time together as always, but right before I was going to tell her how I felt, she told me how much she enjoyed spending time with me, that she realized we had a lot in common, but isn't looking for anything more than friendship right now because she actually started dating someone about a month ago, and although it's still a new relationship, she likes the guy so wants to give it some time.This left me totally crushed and feeling like a complete idiot for not acting on my feelings sooner. I didn't really know what to say other than I was kind of hoping for more, so I still haven't told her just how crazy I am for her.How could I let 3 months go by without saying anything?! A frickin' quarter of a year. Now I've gone from being totally excited and ready to tell her to depressed and with no appetite. Luckily I'm in the middle of a few very busy weeks so I can take my mind off of this a bit, but I still can't help but wonder where I'd be if I'd only said a few simple words at any other time I'd seen her until most recently.Regardless, I'm just not sure what to do now. She's a super sweet girl and I really care for her. I don't want to barge in and confuse her, or ruin my chances of being more than just friends in the future (She asked me if I would still be friends and I said yes...). At the same time, who knows how long this relationship will last, and I don't want to have any more regrets which I think I would if I don't tell her just how crazy I am about her, how long I've cared for her, and probably how much of an idiot I am for not telling her sooner.So should I tell her? And if so, should I write her a letter, tell her over the phone, or in person? I'd rather tell her in person, but I don't want to put her in a tough spot either. Please help! I really need some good advice on this.
View related questions:
crush, depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, babewithbrains  +, writes (25 November 2008):
 I really hate this term but I do think it applies here:
Plenty more fish in the sea.
Well... I personnally think it would be outrageuos for you to confuse her like that. Especially as she specifically asked you just to be friends. Maybe she did like you, but maybe shes more over you than you wish to believe. Move on, find someone else. Still send her a birthday card, come to her patries but enjoy your own life - you'll meet someone else, hey, maybe even someone you can TALK to!
Sorry, mate, for sounding harsh,
Jelly
xxx
A
female
reader, BabyPorsh  +, writes (25 November 2008):
 aawww: ( thats really sad, what i think you should do is go ahead and tell her regardless, tell her you were waiting for the perfect moment or something and that u feel like an idiot you did'nt mention anything earlier.
Tell her how you feel and let her know you understand completely that you are aware of the fact that you can't be anything more than friends now, and if YOU are willing to wait for her i suggest u tell her that, If you wont wait for her then, fold this whole thing as a memory and a learning curve...never procrestinate too much, abe strong and move on.
All the best xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, Dream_Girl  +, writes (25 November 2008):
 oh boy, this is such a heartbreaking situation.i'm sorry :[i believe you should tell her, in person. but make it clear to her though that if she does not wish for anything more than friendship that you won't act on these feelings. but if you two do stay friends, in order to not break your own heart; don't EVER talk to her about her love life, don't hang around that guy, don't let it ever just be you two alone unless in public, and don't act on ANY flirtatious advances.is it fair to say girls are attention hogs? we LOVE that spotlight, that special treatment. so she might try and take advantage of that, but don't let her! don't talk to her about how amazing she is or go into depth about your feelings if she turned them down before. in fact if you start to act like all you want is friendship now that you got that off of your chest, she might go crazy trying to receive that attention again.i hope it works out but all you can do for now is tell her and try to move on.
...............................
|
