A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i got into a huge fight about a week and a half ago. For the last month i have felt that he has been acting a bit strange. He seems a little distant, kind of quiet, sleeping alot. We do seem to be more irritated with each other lately, and we havent had sex for a month. The day of our fight he came home later that he normally does, and had been drinking, I got accused him of having an affair. He got up and left and stayed with his mother for a few days, we argued via txts for about three days, with me saying mean hurtful things to him. Finally two days ago, he came home and we tried to talk, I told him that if he wasnt there to come back home that we didnt need to talk. He didnt really reply to that comment. We talked some more but then suddenly, he became emotional and began to cry extremely hard. I begged him to talk to me, He said " Do you think this is wasy for me?" I asked him what he was trying to say...he cried harder. I tried to hug him from behind and kiss the back of his neck. He pushed me away. After about an hour and still no clue to what he was trying to say to me, I told him I couldnt talk anymore because i had to go to work that i felt he sould leave for now, and that we could talk later. I cant afford to miss work..By the way I'm a single mom with two kids, I thought to myself, I dont know whats going on here...but i gotta take care of me and my kids i cant afford to loose my job especially if he's trying to tell me your never coming home. He now says that i threw him out of our house. Should i have just left him there? I mean we do share a home together...But i didnt know if he was there to tell me he was moving out and planed to take all of our belongings with him and leave me and my children with nothing? or should i have trusted him and just left him there as if we werent fighting and like it was any other day. Did i make the right choice by asking him to leave for now and that we could try to talk later? I'm so confused!
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female
reader, marcia99116 +, writes (25 December 2010):
 You asked if you made the right choice - and I say the evidence alone says you did. Living with a man who doesn't love you is just allowing him to use you. He has proven he is not interested by moving on... and validating your suspicions.
You know the Kesha song - Your love is my drug - well that is how love is for some people. Let him go and find someone worth your time! Good luck!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi and thank you to everyone who has offered their advice. since posting this message. I found out that my boyfriend has found an apartment, and unfortunately I found pics of him and his girlfriend on our email that we share. He still txt messages me. I don't know what to do.
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A
male
reader, Liebes Kummer  +, writes (19 December 2010):
I agree with Danielepew, there is a background to what culminated in you guys arguing and you subsequently asking him to leave.
If you want to work things out with him then,you guys need to sit down and do some honest talking.
Did you do the right thing asking him to leave? No. In the state he was in, you could just have told him you needed to go to work and left him there. I mean, you said you guys lived together; if he wanted to 'take all your belongings and leave you and your children with nothing', i'm sure he would have done it a long time ago.
Own up and tell him how sorry you are.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Poster, I think you're making a mistake here. The problem is not in the month without sex or his drinking until late. There is a background to this story, and that is the real problem. You two have been having problems for a while and they have gone unadressed.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): You're primary responsibility is to you and your kids.
This guy is SECONDARY, and if he doesn't realize that then he is too stupid to understand your and his situation.
You need to get your priorities straight and if you're leaving him in a position where he could make things bad for you by taking your belongings and worse maybe access to kids who cannot defend themselves then this is your doing.
Think woman before you let a man into your world just because you feel you need a companion. Be smart, let them know the boundaries and again, if they have a problem with that then they are too stupid and not for you. Remember, these kids are yours, not his. And if I can assume he is around your age and still has these major communication problems then he truly is a numbskull and you are by association and your failure to be objective about who let in to your world.
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A
female
reader, marcia99116 +, writes (19 December 2010):
I think you should tell him how you feel - that you did not know if you could trust him anymore? That you did not throw him out, but he wasn't talking to you and you did not know what his intentions were. It seems reasonable your reasoning. Tell him when he is ready to talk to you and tell you what is going on then you are ready to listen but you would like it to be somewhere away from the home somewhere - you pick the place - quiet and public. People have a tendency to speak their mind in a kinder way when eyes are watching. But you want it to be private enough that you are free to speak your minds. I feel for you this is something you are just going to have to wait on. Trust your intuition though unless people tell you that you are paranoid then you probably can rely on your intuition to tell you something is not right in your relationship and you know it is him who is having a problem. Now it is figuring out what that problem is... if you trust his answer and what you are going to do about it.
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