A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I've known this guy for a while and last week our texts turned sexual and he said do I want to meet with him. So we met we were kissing, we held hands we had a good time. Then he asked if I wanted to have sex with him I said I couldn't because I was on a break from my pills. So I gave him oral sex. I realise this is really stupid and justified it by thinking it was fine because I had known him for some time. So I text yesterday saying do you want to hang out and do something. He said he was really busy but would let me know when he was next free. So I said you're not gonna ghost me after that blow job are you with laughing faces just to test the water and he text back I appreciate the blow job. Now I'm feeling crap with myself that I did something stupid and he met up with me for only one thing and used me. But we have so much in common and we laughed so much before the incident that I didn't think he would just use me. Its not like we just met and that happened and that's it. It was like a date. I feel stupid. What do you think was he just using me ?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 August 2018):
 Honestly it does sound like he only wanted one thing, even though you knew him for months, if he wanted something more he wouldn't have asked for sex on the first date and he would have made more off an effort with you. I guess time will tell if he is interested or not, but I would write him off as a one night thing, because it appears he has lost interest already. A good tip would not to get sexual with someone until you have a few dates and know where it is going. Making a guy wait is a good thing. But don't feel bad, its just one off those things.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 August 2018):
 I agree with N91. You may have known him but apparently not in a romantic , date-ish context BEFORE you started exchanging sexual texts and before you met up to mess around.
Example : let's say you know in person your neighbour next door, you know him since quite a while, maybe a few years. You always say " hallo " and " good morning " to each other, some times you even stop and chat a little about the weather or other generic stuff. Then one day , out of the blue he texts you, " Hi Jane, I saw you today putting your garbage in the garbage bin, and your sexy butt was sticking out and it got me thinking…. do you fancy coming over for a little while ? "
You may know him in person, that's undeniable- but this would still NOT be a date. It would be a booty call.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (21 August 2018):
 That doesn’t matter.
You still got sexual on the FIRST time you met him. Genuine people won’t see waiting as an issue and will be happy to do so because the sexual side of things isn’t their main focus.
If people sway the conversation sexually without even meeting in person then it’s extremely clear what they want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2018): I Was The asker Of The question just so everyone knows I did know him in person for months
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (21 August 2018):
It was like a date ? I beg to differ. It wasn't much like a date.
A date is when you meet in a public place to do some recreational activity together- movie, dinner, sports, whatever.
In your case, your text convos get sexual, if I get it right, before you have spent time in person and gone on your first "official " date- he gets excited, wants to see you , you go- it's a booty call. He asks for sex, you don't say " Sorry, too soon for me ", you refuse on a technicality :) and offer oral instead. Yeah, booty call.
Did you just get used ? Yes and no. In the sense,maybe you and the guy had different expectations . He got horny from sex texts and that's exactly what he was offering , his horniness (and he thought this was clear enough ) . But you have read into this more than he meant and way more than the circumstances warranted.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (21 August 2018):
It didn’t just happen? Of course it did.
He asked for sex and you gave him the best you could offer at that moment. If you don’t want to be used for sex then don’t give it up to the first guy that asks. He’s more than likely filed you in the easy cabinet, learn from this.
If someone is going to use you for sex, they will lose interest if you make them wait for it. That’s the best way to weed out wastes of time. Very simple.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 August 2018):
 Sex on the first date? Yeah, it was a booty call. It was a booty call even before you met up, with the texts being sexual. A man who wants to date you will NOT send texts of a sexual nature. At all. He would text you about everything other than sex, if he was interested in dating. As soon as the texts go sexual, know that it is a booty call.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (20 August 2018):
 The problem is, OP, most first dates that end in something sexual go no further than just sex. Some work out, but the majority just end up as hook ups. You’ve now learnt that lesson - if you’re sexting before you’ve been dating for a while, you know what they’re after.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 August 2018):
 Honestly, OP?
A guy who asks for SEX on the first "date" or first time you meet in person is NOT looking for a relationship but for a FWB or a F-buddy.
YOU OFFERED a blow job so he didn't USE you, you could have said no. But.. that doesn't mean you don't sort of regret giving him oral when it seems like he isn't really wanting to get to know you (other than in a sexual way).
The fact that things turned sexual over the texting and THEN he wants to meet up should be a BIG clue as to what he was looking for. SEX.
And I agree, ORAL sex can still pass on STD's and you have no idea if he has any. Even with you being on a break from birth control you should ALWAYS (even when you are NOT on a break) use condoms too.
So, in short... if you are looking for a BF, not a FWB or F-buddy - I'd look elsewhere and just block this one. He isn't into you, he is into the potential sex you can give HIM.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 August 2018):
 Maybe he was. Maybe he wasn't. The important thing is this has left YOU feeling used, at least until you find out how HE viewed it.
Many men are hypocritical in that they push for sex from a girl yet, if she agrees too readily, they see her as "easy" and write her off as unsuitable "girlfriend material" (I hear the guys at work talking and it is disgusting how some of them view women). It is true what they say that people don't appreciate something they have got too easily.
Practice saying "I don't think that is a good idea" or "I think it is way too early for that" and actually stick to that next time you are not 100% sure you want to do something, sexual or otherwise. It is ok to refuse if you are not sure it is what you want.
I also found it a bit worrying that you would be willing to put out for someone whose sexual health you know nothing about without using condoms. The pill may protect you from pregnancy but it will not protect you from STIs. If the guy won't use a condom, then the answer really should be a flat refusal until he learns to take responsibility.
If this guy does get back in contact, don't repeat the same mistake on your second "date". Don't feel that because you have already had sexual contact you have to have more, otherwise you may well end up feeling just a used as you do now. Don't put yourself through that again. Use this experience as a lesson and learn from it.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (19 August 2018):
It’s hard to know either, but you need to back off now and if he’s not using you he’ll get in touch. Probably best to write him off until you get any real proof that you were wrong to do so. I think you probably weren’t, because he could have said it was too soon.
Don’t beat yourself up about this. You made a mistake and you need to take it as a lesson learned. The only way to tell if someone is a user or not is not to give them what a user wants. Taking things slowly is the only way to spot a user and filter them out, because they get bored and move on to the next person who they hope will give them what they want. So even if this guy does want to meet again, don’t repeat the same mistake again because the same logic applies to a repeat performance.
I wish you all the very best.
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