A
male
age
36-40,
*bass Abassi
writes:Hi,hope you are fine and doing well. I am really really sorry it will be very long for you to read, but please read it and give your kind advice and comments on this. i have a sad story and now am confused if i did well broke up with her in fear of not hurted in future....My girl friend and I were on scholarship in Malasia. We were both doing electrical engineering. she was one year behind me. I was helping her in her studies. I don’t know how it all happened. i fell in love with her. and one day i sent her an sms and told her everything about my feelings for her... in reply to my sms, she said, i feel proud that a good and intelligent boy like you, loves me... we were talking on phone for long and decided to get married soon she finishes her studies. During this time we had a tour to another state by Malaysian government.....and sad thing starts here....though she started loving me and told me every night that she loves me very much and wants to marry me but one day before our departure for the tour. she told me that i want to tell you something which i hided from you, she told me that she loved my classmate (this boy was my classmate and roomate too) before meeting me and sent him some love smss too but now she said I don’t love him and love you only, and now want to clear everything so that there wouldn't be any problem between us in future...though i was hurted a lot hearing this but as i was in love and loved her so much and said that she is a human can do mistake and she has done all before our relationship. I forgave her…..but the thing though I forgave her but was heart broken decided not to go on college tour with her….as I felt bad. I took air ticket tomorrow and came home back (finished my studies) but she apart from knowing that I felt bad because of that but apart from this she went to tour and that boy (my friend whom she loved) was also there….. only these two from our country, rest of the tourists were from other countries.. she with him were in tour for 15 days and spent nights in one hotel (may be separated rooms). I was calling her every night from home that how is her tour but she seemed like forgotten me and not responding well, sometimes off her mobile…I was much broken but still trust her. But when I lost my trust was, when she clearly told me an her email (she was still in tour) “ I love him (my friend) and will love him forever and anyone else she marries will be an adjustment to life and nothing else”…… hearing this I was like someone threw me from the sky to earth…..and then I heard everything clearly and decided now I should breakup with her….but when she came college back from tour, she was sorry for what she had sent me as an email, and telling me and calling me every night….that I am really sorry. She loves me not him. And that is only me whom she is serious about not him……though I was hurted a lot from her doing, being with him in tour and then spend nights in hotel with him, and send me email that stated everything clearly,,,,but I don’t know I had lost my whole self esteem and so far I loved her so much I forgave her….…. The relationship was going on but still I felt pain from her doing, but still trying to create trust on her once again…… but she again did another mistake and introduced her family with him (her family came for a tour to malasia) despite I told her not contact him again….. knowing that I was burst again , but she again said sorry… she didn’t do anything only introduced them to him…….again after lots of insists and telling me sorry, I forgave her again…. But after some times we were sending sms and in one of her smss she told me “ I want you get your love , coz I can understand what is pain in love…when you get me (her) I will think I got what I wanted (that boy)…….. oh God again I was like mad and told her that that sms means you don’t love me and you want to proof yourself like you gave sacrifice….and told her very bad words that why you betray me if you don’t love me then say clearly that I don’t love you and I will leave you too forever…but why you say you love me and then send me such sms…..she was again crying and telling me that she is sorry she didn’t mean that and this…..and should be her last chance…. Me crazy in her love again forgave her….. but after sometimes (5 months) though she didn’t do anything with me onwards, but I was reminding her bad doing with me, her past doing….and though now she called every day from Malaysia and send love emails but I don’t know her past teased me a lot and then after having 5 months contact with her and telling her like nothing has happened but I was eating my self from inside and really every day her past was reflecting in my mind.. and then though she didn’t do with me anything …based on her past mistakes I decided to break up with her as I thought she will repeat it again in future and our life will be ruined….. she was crying don’t do like that I love you so much and this and that… but I was telling her I cant forget the past…I am sorry and am doing that for our goodsness. Yours and mine both, for our future, coz your doing may create problems in future when we are married,,, and changed my number and don’t even reply her emails…. Though it was very difficult for me but I had to……Now you please suggest me if I did well, as sometimes I think I did wrong hurting a girl hurt, but same time think that she cheated me a lot and she is responsible for all not me….she was a cheater not me…… hurting a human is not good but she didn’t respect my feelings and hurt me every time…….. I would appreciate if u give your valuable comments if I did well to break up with her or not (I broke with her 1 month ago)…..i am really really sorry to make it very long, but I wanted to present you the whole picture of what happened ….Many many thanks
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broke up, fell in love, her past, I love you, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Abass Abassi +, writes (30 January 2011):
Abass Abassi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear All,Thank u so much from all of you. Everyone contributed a lot in solving my question and gave your kind advice on this, but I am extending my special thanks to ABELLA, whose response was much impressive and it really solved my heart burden. The way she presented the problem from broad to narrowed down, is really appreciable.Thanks again, God bless u all.Best RegardsAbass
A
male
reader, Abass Abassi +, writes (29 January 2011):
Abass Abassi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much everyone for your kind and valuable advice on this.... it really worked.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): I applaud you and give you stand ovation for putting your foot down and not giving her anymore chances. Go get your true love now!
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A
male
reader, oneguy  +, writes (28 January 2011):
 "Thank u so much dear for ur patience, reading it till the end and give ur valuable advice.... it is true that love makes us very soft hearted, kind, patient and same time very ego less, i wouldn't may be forgiven her and given her so maany chances, if i didn't truly loved her, but alas she didn't understand my love and my worth...and i hope i will find someone who really deserves me...."YES YES YES that is the way to go buddy!! :) I'm proud of you! :)I've had another friend who was duped in the same way as you.. some girls are like that.. Guess what, some guys are also like that!! Lesser in percentage, but I've seen one such fellow. These type of people are most disgusting and reprehensible.All the best! You will definitely find your soulmate! :) I pray to God that She sends you your soulmate, God speed! :)Cheers!Best,
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A
male
reader, Abass Abassi +, writes (28 January 2011):
Abass Abassi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u so much dear for ur patience, reading it till the end and give ur valuable advice.... it is true that love makes us very soft hearted, kind, patient and same time very ego less, i wouldn't may be forgiven her and given her so maany chances, if i didn't truly loved her, but alas she didn't understand my love and my worth...and i hope i will find someone who really deserves me....
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 January 2011):
 You did the correct thing to break with this girl. She seems to like drama surrounding her.
For she is in love with no one, it is only the idea of boys all losing their hearts to her flirting and her lies that appeals to her. This girl has no concept of true love. No concept of loyalty. No concept of fidelity.
Her actions are those of an immature capricious shallow woman.
If she understood true love, (if she was even able to recognise it), then she would realise how silly she has been.
At the same time you lost your heart to a girl who was not right for you. And you forgave her too many times.
Your actions were perhaps naive.
You trusted her too easily. All of her actions towards you were not those of a woman in love with you.
You have lost nothing for she had nothing real to offer you. Even though she made you think she cared. She manipulated both you and the other boy.
But i realise the being in love can lead to situation where a person can be blinded to the truth, because they do not want to see the truth.
Next time choose more wisely, after longer deliberation. Do not just walk blindly into the inferno of thinking you are in love, when lust is what is blinding your vision.
You want a loyal faithful loving girl?
Don't be so quick to profess love.
Observe the girl who interests you. Look at her actions, not her flirty giggles.
Watch to see if she is kind and thoughtful towards others.
Observe if she is honest.
Observe her morals- does she easily offer her body to guys? Give that one a miss.
Observe if she is bossy? Give that one a miss.
If you catch out a girl lying to you then say no to such a girl.
If she cheats on a test at school then give such a girl a miss. A girl like that is dishonorable.
Try to do very very well in your studies. This will ensure you can be considered for good employment positions.
Such a good work record will increase you chances that more girls will notice you.
Don't be in a big hurry to find a girl just for you.
But when you do find a girl who is a good match for you. A girl who is equally kind, considerate, faithful and true to you, and who behaves respectfully to you. Then treat her like a princess. Be kind to her. Be thoughful to her. Consider her feelings. You will not need to rush, there is no urgency to know a woman, too early in a relationship, in a carnal sense.
It is far more important that you talk truthfully, to any girl you like, about your hopes and dreams. Listen very carefully to ensure that a girl you choose. As her to tell you what is important to her. What are her motivations. What is she aiming to achieve in her life. LISTEN to her without judgement. But assess in your mind whether she really does share your valies and your attitudes.
Never be blinded by a woman just telling you what she thinks you want to hear.
But never ask a woman about who she has loved in the past.
And choose to never discuss your past loves with a woman. Since such subjects serve no purpose.
Instead concentrate on ensuring if she is truly worthy of you and all you have to offer her, and the same for her - so that you can each become as equal partners in love and in life.
As far as the woman you broke with. The best thing you can do is just try to forget this woman who has hurt you so much. It was a lesson you had to learn. To be less naive with woman. And to really concentrate on your studies.
There are many right girls in the world. So there is no urgency to find just one right girl, right now.
But what is important is for you to eventually choose one right girl, after a careful analysis to ensure that you both share the same values and attitudes to many many issues. And that you both truly love each other. And that you both truly mean it when you commit to being faithful and kind to each other always.
And from then on treat her as the one truly great love of your life.
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A
female
reader, desta101  +, writes (28 January 2011):
Wow that was long lol. i think you have a really good head on ur shoulders. i can only imagine how hard it must had been for you to go through with it all. You need a metal for putting up with every thing she had thrown at you and all the forgivness you gave her. She shoould had resepcted you and ur thoughts the first time. I really think you did the right thing, you gave her many chances and she gave you alot of heart break. You deserve to be with some one thats going to treat you how u treat your self.
Keep ur chin up. Be proud of urself you did it all for the best.
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