A
female
age
51-59,
*isterfriend
writes:I’ve been visiting with my boyfriend his family every other weekend for about three years now. I’ve gotten very close to his mother and am close to his sister and children and friendly with his father and brother-in-law. I haven’t worked in the real world for a while and have health problems and his mother and sister have been supportive and helpful. I enjoy the time we spend together every week, especially the large family dinner Friday and Saturday nights. I’ve never had a happy family life or been close to many people, so I feel very grateful for my relationship with them.A couple months ago I won a small free screenwriting contest that was held by someone that’s been gaining a lot of respect in the industry. As a result, I’ve gotten some contacts and actually have a chance of getting an agent and selling my screenplay. The first thing my bf’s mother kept doing was question the credibility of the person who sponsored the contest and got me a bunch of contacts and was sending my screenplay out to people. Then he got very busy and I didn’t hear from him for a few weeks. One day my bf’s mother asked, “Oh have you heard from ______?” and I told her no, that he was busy with something, and I thought I saw her smile, like her suspicions were confirmed. Then when I did end up hearing from him and requests were coming in and I was sending my script out, I emailed her about it and in her responses back she never acknowledged it (we often email, sometimes up to a dozen times a day). Finally I told her over the phone and she could no longer ignore me and asked some questions about where it would lead and I said that this would lead to get an agent who would try to sell my writing, her response was “Oh, so you’re going to have to whore yourself.” Currently I’m in contact with someone in the industry who wants to put me in touch with an agent and I’ve been frantically getting writing samples together and she’s pretty much ignored me about it, doesn’t ask anything or wish me any luck. This really puzzles me because we are so close and she has always been concerned about my health and well-being.My bf’s father, sister and brother-in-law have yet to congratulate or acknowledge my success or encourage me in any way. When I’m writing, I see my bf’s sister furtively trying to read what I write, but she has not asked once to read my screenplay. When I stay with my bf’s family for longer periods, I’d bring artwork to work on. The only place I have to work there is at their dining room table where everyone can see. It’s somewhat elaborate and unique and people who see it are usually are impressed by it, but my bf’s family, except for the children, have nothing to say about it. Once I found myself shoving a piece under my bf’s mother’s nose and saying almost desperately, “do you like this?” My bf’s father would walk in and out of the room but has never stopped once to ask me about it or look at it. Only once when I was unwrapping some pieces he looked at them sullenly and said to his wife “You used to do art.” I know these people probably aren’t very happy about themselves – they haven’t really gone out into the world and pursued their own artistic dreams. But I thought I was considered family and can’t understand why they aren’t more encouraging. I actually find them discouraging. I feel like they would rather me stay stuck where I am and never be “successful.” I’m starting to feel resentful and want to cut back on my visits with them, even though we have fun together and I enjoy spending time with the kids. They are a big part of my life. I don’t have a lot of other people in my life so I don’t know what to make of the situation. It really brings me down and makes me feel bad. I’ve had cousins succeed at things and have felt envious, but I’ve always congratulated and encouraged them because I care about them and it made them happy. So my question is do these people really care about me if they don’t want to me to succeed??? And should I start distancing myself from them? Thank you very much for your help.
View related questions:
cousin, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): I really feel for your situation . You have had health problems , but have found strength in your writing . This is fantastic and I congratulate you. Persevere and be patient . It does sound as if your boyfriends family are unhappy in their own lives and obviously fear your success thinking you may move on .
I think you should detach yourself from this negativity . It will hold you back . You deserve encouragement and praise for your efforts . Your boyfriend needs to support you , and believe you can succeed . If he cannot ...then you perhaps need to rethink the relationship . good luck !
|
