A
male
age
36-40,
*ey
writes:Recently I've developed serious suspicions that my ex-girlfriend is undiagnosed with a mental illness called "Hypomania" a mild Bi-Polar disorder. At times during our relationship she herself has expressed concerns about sudden feelings she can't explain or some things being "Mental". I didn't want to bring this up over the phone, but she forced me to tell her why I was so concerned about her. Anyway on the phone she went totally crazy. No matter what I said I couldn't get her to calm down and listen to me calmly. Bottom line, she flipped the fuck out and suggested that I was some sort of crazy psycho for even suggesting it. She then broke into this long and loud speech about how crazy and weird I am and how I was just upset cause she didn't like me anymore or something like that, which totally isn't the case. She basically said that nothing was wrong with her and that I sound like a crazy person to her. She was in complete Denial. My research dictates that it's not uncommon for people with these types of problems to react this way. At the end of the night she sent a text saying it's best if we "Cut Ties. No more calls or texts. The end." But the very next day she sent me a text asking a trivial question about an Ipod. Weird no? I firmly feel that she is undiagnosed with this and I felt like this is something that should be addressed. I mean, god forbid she have a hypomanic episode and drive under the influence, anything could happen...So, after asking several people in my life what to do I wrote her a letter explaining my feelings about this to her. Along with the letter I included a few pages of information I researched from the internet and circled the areas I found most prevalent to her situation. I figure this way she could read the letter then look through the information at her own discretion and this way it wouldn't be like me accusing or attacking her. My mother says that I should not have done anything, but I don't think that's the honorable or wise thing to do. My ex's best friend agrees with me and said that the letter would be an excellent idea. What are your thoughts on this situation? Did I do the right thing by mailing the letter and sending her the information? She might get mad and never talk to me again, but at least I did something to possibly help her take a step towards getting help.
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male
reader, Rey +, writes (17 December 2007):
Rey is verified as being by the original poster of the question My Ex has been calling me a lot lately, even after she said that she didn't want us to txt or call anymore. she says she misses me and now she wants to hang out while she's here for Christmas. Which means she wants me to take her out and pay for her as if we were still dating. Which I'm really not inclined to do.
She also said she told her mother what I said about her being bi-polar and let's just say her mother had a lot to say, much of it profanity directed at me for suggesting it. Which is to be expected because her mother isn't the nicest of women. (A real know-it-all. An everyone who isn't her is less important and wrong type of person. I guess its cause they have money, whatever.)
I mean, even though I feel that I wasn't wrong in noticing the symptoms, there's always a chance she might not have it and is just an asshole, but I doubt that. Bottom line, what are your thoughts about this? I'm not going to talk about my bi-polar suspicions with her anymore because it just serves to make her crazy, but do you think I should take her out and hang out with her like nothing happened?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): for good men to do nothing is crime enough
i would have done the same m8
no wories just see what happens
have you tried talking to your doctor about her everything sed is in confidence he can diagnose her from the simptoms u tell him and then advise u what to do next maby put u in touch with a group or somthing
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (15 December 2007):
 I disagree with this last response because you shouldn't make anyone do what you think is best for them..it's time to step away. it may take her a long time to see her behavioral patterns as problematic, but someday she may come along and thank you for what you tried to do. until then, it's best not to dwell on it, and to move on knowing you tried to do right by her and help out a troubled friend.
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A
male
reader, Mclovin57  +, writes (14 December 2007):
Dear Ray,
We apologize for the long delay in our response. We are a group of college students. We were assigned to read a couple of letters, among these letters we picked yours. We picked yours because we noticed you were trying to do the right thing to help out you ex-girlfriend. even though she rejected your help you did the right thing, by acting in your conscience.
We think that you should help her by talking to her loved ones. Explain to her loved ones what a bi-polar disorder is. Explain to them how you came to this conclusion and how to address the problem. Hopefully her loved ones will notice the problem as well.
After you convince the family you have done your job as a friend. After that you can simply keep in contact with her, but only as friends reason why, is because you want to prevent any emotional breakdown. If keeping in contact with her as just as friends are impossible, and you really care how she is doing then we would recommend keeping in contact with her family.
We as a group have come to a conclusion on our advice to you. We think that you have done a good job by sending her the letter. Keep in mind that she might not be bi-polar. She might just have anger management problems. She might be offended of what you think of her therefore keep your distance from her.
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A
male
reader, Rey +, writes (7 December 2007):
Rey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy ex just called me...She said that I was sociopathic that she didn't give a f**k about me and that what I did was kinda mean. She also, restated that doctors have run tests on her and that if something was wrong with her then they would have found it or her mom would have noticed. (Even though I clearly stated whatever tests they ran wouldn't find hypomania) With the assurance of her weed indulging friends it serves to reinforce her attitude. She was getting loud again so I hung up. so she sent a text saying "I dont appreciate the hang up or the info u sent m. There is nothing wrong with me other than the fact that Im a care free spontaneous fun loving person. I th--"Then the message ends. she probably had more to say, but for whatever didn't finish. Well, that's that I guess. even with the information she refuses to even open herself up to the possibility that anything could be wrong with her. There's nothing else I can do.
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A
female
reader, KittenMagic  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 I think what you did was EXACTLY the right thing to do.If she gets angry, which she may well do, yes she probably won't speak to you, but this is for the best.This proves that you care for her. It's much harder to be away from someone we love while they get help, than to be with them and pretend nothing's wrong - but it's definately the right thing.By writing a letter, rather than meeting face to face or on the phone, it means your not confronting her, and even if she read the first line and threw it away, wouldn't curiousity get the better of most of us?If she reads the symptoms etc. you've included in the letter, and she's in a calm surrounding then she'll be more likely to accept them and possibly come back to you for help.I wish you the best of luck on this matter, and truly believe that you've done the best thing.
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A
male
reader, Rey +, writes (4 December 2007):
Rey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're right it's not going to work forcing her to deal with her issues. Me sending this letter is basically the only and last thing I will be able to do to help her. She habitually cuts people out of her life with disturbing ease and they let her do it. People with this disorder, often have troubled relationships. But I feel the least thing I could do, whether or not she gets angry or not is make the information available to her. Now that I've done that I feel that I can let her go, for better or worse. I hope she opens her mind to the information though.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (4 December 2007):
I mean, worst case scenario, she will not talk to you--but she's promised to do that already! so, i mean, it can't hurt her. after this though, i really would just let her go. if she's not ready to face her issues, it's not going to work forcing her to deal with them.
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A
female
reader, chocalated30 +, writes (4 December 2007):
Then that's a chance you will havt take.Look i know youare worried about her but don't drive yourself crazy over this because you will be seriously broken down.You did the right thing by sending her information and trying to get her to see what's going on.If you feel strongly about this person then you continue to help her get the help she needs.
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