A
female
age
36-40,
*loudysunshine
writes:Hi, about three months ago i met a guy in work. He said he came into my shop just to see me coz he thought i was beautiful. I'd been through depression and anxiety after a break up and wasnt sure at first. He worked in the shop and we got closer and eventually started dating. He was really into me, i had my guard up as his ex gf is pregnant and says its his child even though they dated for a couple of months near xmas. Anyway, we met each others families and started getting closer. I still had depressive bouts, but he helped me through them. Recently his ex has started threatening that he won't see his son. I have helped him through it, but he's barely had time for me. We argued and he said he hadn't fallen in love with me yet, but he wanted to, and after the baby he wud take things forward. He completely changed his attitude to being willing to take a chance, to being guarded. I couldn't sleep after what he said, so this morning i sed i was leaving. He didn't stop me, but he seemed upset. Now i'm wondering if i did the right thing? i really like him but theres so much pressure on us, do u think i shud just leave him alone and see what happens?
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female
reader, cloudysunshine +, writes (24 August 2009):
cloudysunshine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much guys, nice to have your perspective
A
male
reader, Sphronas  +, writes (24 August 2009):
 You both sound like good people who happen to be under a lot of pressure at the moment -- you are struggling with your depression and your feelings of inadequacy and he is trying to deal with his spiteful ex-girlfriend and to come to terms with the idea of fatherhood under very difficult circumstances. You have tried to help each other through these difficult times, but it seems to me that you have both reached your limits. You should stop putting additional pressure on each other. Be there for each other when you can, but also give each other space so that you can each deal with your own issues. Give yourself time to realize that you are a human being with dignity and that you are not dependent on the attention of men to be happy and give him time to figure out how he can do justice to all the present and future people in his life.
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A
female
reader, Bunty +, writes (24 August 2009):
Hi there. It sounds like you have had a really rough time in the past and the first thing I would like to say is well done for getting back out there and giving it another go girl! I think everyone needs to look out for themselves to a degree but the important thing is you have to trust yourself and have faith in yourself to make the right decision. The fact that you have been able to help this guy shows what a long way you have come. I get the impression that you feel a bit guilty about leaving him. Try not to think of it that way, more that you are giving both of you some much needed space to think, which again is a brave decision and you should be proud of yourself for making it. Unfortunately I can't tell you what is going on in your guy's head at the moment but if he does come after you wanting to get back together just make sure that it is the right thing for both of you as you deserve to be happy. Good luck!!
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