A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was walking down the hall at school and a girl was coming my way. At first i didn't notice her because I was looking down when I was walking, then I looked up and saw her looking at me and when I started looking back she looked away, like she didn't want to make eye contact with me. She had that type of look on her face like I was ugly and she doesn't want me looking at her. I'm not ugly though, but I do have very low self confidence. I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid.She was a stubborn looking girl. She didn't look irritated when she was looking at me though, only when I looked at her and she looked away. I'm 18 yr old, a senior and I've never talked to this girl before
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (10 February 2013):
Hi. That is a good thing you don't pick at your acne pimples, because that very often makes them much worse and inflames them, making them look much redder.
So that is a very positive thing.
It's most likely that it (the depressive symptoms), WON'T go away without some medical intervention.
And also, they are different hormones than the hormones that are involved in the puberty process.
It is the hormones in your brain that are affecting your moods and loss of confidence. They are totally different.
And this is why you really do need to visit your family doctor promptly, and tell him exactly how your life was before the onset of puberty, and how it is now - since puberty.
Your doctor does need to know all this information, so you can both work on a manageable solution together, that will enable you to be able to move on with your life in a positive way.
Unfortunately, with depression - if it's clinical depression - it usually requires medication and very close monitoring for a lifetime.
There are two types of depression.
(1) Is depressive symptoms caused by a loss of some kind - such as losing a job, losing someone close to you, or a broken relationship, for instance.
This situational type of depression usually goes away, once more happier times come along.
and (2) Which is clinical depression, which is not brought on by any particular situation or trauma.
Clinical depression - which may be your problem - usually presents itself at or around the time of puberty onwards, and needs to be properly diagnosed by a doctor, and then referred on to a psychiatrist, who deals with all types mental disorders.
And clinical depression is a mental disorder, which requires specialized care.
It requires medications PLUS regular visits to the psychiatrist to closely monitor how the patient is progressing and to determine whether the meds are working effectively or might need changing or modifying.
In any case, without my getting too boring for you, it is really important that you go and see your family doctor as a starting point, in the treatment of your depressive symptoms.
It's most likely that your depressive symptoms will either get worse, or simply stay the same - if you DO NOT seek professional medical help.
So for this reason, I urge you to seek help from your family doctor as soon as you possibly can.
This is a case for the big guns - the professionals.
They are the only ones who can treat this condition thoroughly, and leave no stone unturned in the process.
They are also the only people who can realistically help you in the most positive way.
And then let me know how you are going.
Please, do not delay seeing your family doctor, for one single day longer.
At least then, you will begin to get some answers and you can start to worry less and relax more.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@DorothyDix- thanks a lot for your info. However, I can guarantee you that the acne doesn't bother me in the slightest. I don't even pick at it like most people because I realize that it has to run its course, so might as well leave it alone.I know you're not a Dr., but if these hormones are uncovering depression inside of me, is it possible the depression can go away once my hormones calm down?Also, once the hormones calm down, will the real me come back, but as a fully adult man? I have acne on my cheeks and some one my nose, back, and very little on my arms?
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (8 February 2013):
Hi. As you have said here, everything all changed once you reached puberty, and so it does seem to point towards hormones playing a key role, doesn't it?
But don't worry, you are still that same person, it's just that the hormones are affecting things, and so the real YOU is being blocked a little.
And your thinking is being affected as well.
If I were you, I would go and see my family doctor and have it checked out, and just tell him how you are feeling, and that it just doesn't feel right to you.
And that it's only been like this since about age 15.
And that prior to turning 15 you were very confident, and feeling pretty good about yourself.
And also tell him that it's getting you down quite a lot.
Your doctor does need to know this information.
The more you tell your doctor, the more he can help you to cope with it and give you some explanation of what is happening - and why.
Perhaps it is some kind of depression, and that might be showing up as lacking confidence and doubting yourself all the time.
And the more you worry about it, the worse it can seem.
It's like building a mountain out of a mole hill.
Essentially, it's a fairly minor problem, and yet it has major implications.
It's possible that your lack of confidence began when you started to get acne on your face, at around the time of puberty starting.
And that alone, would change how you look when you take a look in the mirror, and so you naturally start feeling very self conscious.
And any young teenager who has some pimple breakouts, will ALWAYS feel aware of themselves and how they look, and especially, when they see someone they are attracted to and would like to get to know.
So because of this, I have a feeling that the acne you have, was the very beginning of it.
Teenagers are so conscious of how they look, how their hair looks, how they look in their clothes, and how they think about other people's opinions of them.
In short, they worry far too much about what other people think!
And at this stage of life, it seems fairly normal to have at least some sense of this feeling from time to time.
And how is your acne going now?
And how are you treating it?
And as you do still have some acne on your face, well then that would certainly affect your confidence anyway, whether you are aware of it or not.
I really believe you should go and visit your family doctor about your moods, because if it is clinical depression, well then, it can often not really show itself until after puberty.
It is distinctly possible, that you could have clinical depression, and it is axacerbated by the onset of puberty.
And at the very least, by talking to your family doctor and telling him how your moods have changed since turning 15, he will talk to you and ask you a whole lot of questions as well, and he might even order a blood test to positively identify clinical depression - or else rule it out altogether.
But the point is, you will know one way or the other.
And that is one thing that we here at Dear Cupid, cannot help you with.
It's definitely a job for the professionals.
And from the symptoms you have described here, it could be depression.
It's at least a possibility, for sure.
So please, have it checked out as soon as you possibly can.
Because, nothing will change until you do.
It's the very first step towards the solution.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Dorothydix- I was funny and people loved to be around me BEFORE I hit this phase ever since 15. Something about me changed but I don't understand it. Sometimes that old me comes back out of NOWHERE. It's weird because somedays I feel like everyone likes me and the next day I feel like everyone thinks I'm weird. I truly believe these teenage hormones are causing all of this. The only hope I have is that my body's hormones will balance out soon or if even at all.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (8 February 2013):
Hi. Sometimes clinical depression can kick in at around late teens or even early teens.
I am not sure that it is necessarily depression, so much as a lack of confidence, generally.
Around the age of 15, teenagers can start to doubt themselves.
They are no longer children, and yet nor are they adults either.
They are kind of in between.
And they are starting to get to know themselves a little,
and in that process they may also start second guessing themselves.
And this could be where you are right now.
And most teenagers would have some doubts as to their attractiveness to the opposite sex.
You are also seemingly feeling this way as well.
You say - "Why would she like my looks?"
I say - "Why wouldn't she?"
You have already confirmed that others see you as funny, love you and want to be around you.
So what can you say to prove that she doesn't feel the same?
How can you know that?
It's just not possible.
It is just what you are assuming is happening.
You DON'T know that it's true though, do you?
What you said about others loving you, think you are funny and want to be around you - surely that is more of the truth, don't you think?
I mean, it's not a lie, is it?
So it MUST be the truth.
Keep that in mind.
Because that really is who you are.
Don't listen to that tiny little voice trying to put doubts into your head.
The truth is - that people DO love you, and DO think you are funny and DO want to be around you.
So why shouldn't this girl you fancy, also feel the same?
You don't KNOW what she thinks, do you?
Just believe in yourself.
You already know who you are - because you have stated it here, pretty clearly.
Sometimes, you just need to DO it!
It wouldn't matter if there were 25,000 students there, would it?
Out of that 2500+ students, you noticed her, didn't you?
So who is to say, she hasn't noticed you?
If you have noticed her, and how attractive she is, how do you know she HASN'T noticed you?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 February 2013):
 I googled “symptoms of depression” for you:
You said:
I got really moody
I got ugly (opinion)
Got depressed
I’m always tired
Bad memory
Don’t find things fun…
That’s YOUR list (I left out the got acne… that will pass and you can seek medical treatment if it’s very bad)
The list of depression symptoms from:
http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-symptoms-and-types
include:
What Are Symptoms of Depression?
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of depression may include the following:
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
• Fatigue and decreased energy
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
• Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
• Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
• Irritability, restlessness
• Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
• Overeating or appetite loss
• Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
• Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
• Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
OP I think you have clinical depression and need to seek treatment from a professional
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can see that she could like someone based on looks as well, but I just wouldn't see why she would like my looks. I'm not a super good looking boy, just average. I used to have confidence before I hit age 15. That was when my hormones kicked into overdrive.I got really moody, got ugly, got acne (Which doesn't bother me at all), got depressed, I'm always tired, got really bad memory, and I don't find things I used to find fun anymore. I'm older now and I still feel this way. Do you think I'm going through a temporary hormone phase? I was such a happy and confident kid before age 15.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 February 2013):
OP you asked: “How can she like me if she knows nothing about me? I'm decent looking but some ppl think im cute”
And then you say “But I notice her and I find her really attractive”
So you can think you want to get to know someone based on her looks but she couldn’t possibly feel the same way about someone else (you) based on just your looks huh?
If you are usually unconfident and depressed… seek treatment… psychological counseling and maybe even some low dose short term anti-depressants might help.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 February 2013):
 Maybe she would not want you. But if you approach her, and let her see your confident, happy side, at least you have a chance. If you don't , you have zero chances and everything stays the same.
" We need to change our life before our life changes us ".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell since my high school has 2500+ kids, I don't think she even notices me. Hell it was probably nothing anyway. But I notice her and I find her really attractive. She could get any guy she wanted, why would she want me. I'm surprised she's single to be honest.
When I do feel confident and happy (Which is rare, im usually unconfident and depressed) people seem to love me, they think I'm funny, and always want to be around me. Maybe if she saw that side of me.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (7 February 2013):
Hi. You can like someone just by liking the look of them.
It all starts with the initial physical attraction, after all.
Just think of it like this.
When you go out and socialize and you see a pretty girl across the room, there is something about that girl that makes you want to go over and talk to her.
But at this stage, all you know about her is that she has a lovely face and a nice smile and lovely eyes.
This is exactly the same in your situation.
All you know at the moment, is that you like the look of her, and that you WOULD like to get to know her.
And so it's just not possible to know her, until you have had some kind of conversation with her.
And this is where you are going to have to take a leap of faith.
And when you feel ready, look her way and smile sometimes.
And she won't smile if you don't smile.
So someone has to get the ball rolling, do you agree?
So why not you?
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (6 February 2013):
Dude - I dont know how else to say it, but you need to get some confidence.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (6 February 2013):
Oh sure , God forbid you should smile at her. There's a fine for smiling at stubborn Spanish speaking Mexican girls, you know ? In fact , now that I think of it... you may even get community service, for unauthorized Spanish speaking smiling.
Really, OP, you are tripping. What's the WORSE it can happen if you smile and say " hi " ? She'll take out a Mexican dagger, point it at your throat and say " How darrrrre you , cabron ? No sabes que only badass Mexican cholos are allowed to smile at me ? "
The fact is, that you don't know anything about this girl. Maybe she only likes Mexican bad boys, maybe not. Maybe she is not attracted to white guys, maybe she is . What she looks like and what language she speaks mean nothing; I 've got a Finnish friend as white as they come and she is only attracted to black guys . I am Italian and I prefer non-Italians. At least erotically- opposite do attract, one is more curious about the unfamiliar. So, you have a chance- some as any other guy.
But, worse case scenario, suppose she is not interested , suppose she does not want to chat or make friends, suppose she is not even civil enough to return your smile or your " hi "- so ? All would stay the same as now. Now you are not talking to her and you don't know her... and you'd keep not talking to her and not knowing her . So, what have you've got to lose , exactly ?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 February 2013):
she may like how you look and want to get to know you to see if she likes YOU
why are you overthinking this so much?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@DorothyDix- How can she like me if she knows nothing about me? I'm decent looking but some ppl think im cute
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (6 February 2013):
Hi. when one person likes another person of the opposite sex - but they are a little shy to do anything about it - it can sometimes come across to the other person, as being unfriendly.
She might not be smiling just yet, because she doesn't know whether to or not, and so is just seeing what your next facial expression might be.
So that is perfectly understandable.
I mean, you wouldn't want to smile at someone you liked, and then feel foolish, because you realized they weren't interested, would you?
So what you consider is a "hard look" by her, is probably simply hesitation, until she is sure you ARE actually interested in her.
It's possible, that at the moment, she just ISN'T sure.
So as I was previously saying, just give it some more time and if you feel like smiling - a little smile - well then go ahead and smile!
Believe me, it can do no harm.
In fact, it might just break the ice.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 February 2013):
I think you are being paranoid. You say yourself you have low self-confidence. IF she was watching you and looked away when you made eye contact, that’s NORMAL.
STOP saying how she looks hard and stubborn… if you like her smile at her and talk to her… if you don’t like her IGNORE her.
You are making a lot of judgments based on looks and that is never good.
Clearly you are interested or you would not have noticed or posted or put so much thought into it.
You are judging her based on her appearance which you believe she is doing to you.... and she may not be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know if smiling at her would creep her out though. She always has a hard look, and for some reason I get the feeling that she likes the bad mexican type of dude. I also worry that since I'm half white, I would be too white for her. I'm not a spanish speaking mexican and you can tell right off the bat that she is, just by looking at her friends.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (5 February 2013):
Hi there. People usually look and turn away, because of shyness.
Especially, when they really like someone.
So it's most likely that she does like you also.
And it's because of shyness that she turns away after.
Don't be offended by this, because it's usually always the same each time, when it comes to situations like this.
All you can do, is the next time you see her when you are off to classes, just look and make eye contact with her, then smile.
Do this a few times, and then eventually smile and say "Hi" as well.
Over a few weeks, she will do the same and you will find an opportunity to actually start talking to each other.
The main thing though, is to just relax and be yourself.
Don't try and rush things.
Things will happen when they are meant to.
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