A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you cope with an annoyed partner - he's annoyed basically because his brother in law (my brother) has not yet bought his Christmas present (yes, Christmas just gone).I'm fed up with hearing about it - although I do agree with him to an extent. The gift was 'promised' but has not yet materialised. It's not about money as he says he doesn't care. It's the fact my family member has not actually done anything or said anything about it.I'm concerned when we next meet as a family my OH will say something sarcastic and things will be uncomfortable. Any ideas?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 oh please,
you teach YOUR CHILDREN manners, etiquette and politeness... not other adults.
your OH wants to say something because he's pissed. Too damn bad. Adults learn to live with annoyance and disappointment.
sounds to me like he thinks saying something to your brother will teach your brother manners and a lesson.
it won't. all it will do is piss off your brother and possibly alienate you from your family.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): WE haven't yet seen my brother but just to make clear this is in no way about the money - it's about the etiquette and politeness. Basically my OH things it's rude not to even say anything about it.
If anything, it is my brother who is quite self-centred.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 February 2013):
Your husband is annoyed with your brother because your brother promised something and did not come through.
While you agree with your husband you are tired of hearing it… have you told your husband this exactly? “honey I agree my brother did us wrong by promising something and not coming through with it but to complain to me about it does nothing but frustrate me as I cannot fix it” Then you can add “I am aware that you will want to say something to inconsiderate brother the next time you see him, and I support your need to get this off your chest… but I am concerned that it will cause discomfort for me or others in the family at that meeting… is there something we can do prior to getting together with the family to fix this so I don’t feel uncomfortable?”
If it’s not about the money buy the item yourselves. Also you could go to your brother and ask him what’s up…. And then tell him… we don’t care about the money or the item (we got it ourselves anyway) but please don’t promise something you can’t deliver on it upsets my husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): They may have just have forgot so what you need to do is see the family member and drop a subtle hint and if it is that they forgot then hopefully they would then stick to their promise and if not then he could
bring it up as a joke when he see's them and say something like so where's this gift that you promised me otherwise he just needs to drop it and let it go.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (5 February 2013):
 who really gives a crap about the christmas present? sounds like he's a spoiled little kid on christmas day who throws a tantrum because he didn't get the expensive toy he wanted. tell him to get over it. it's not even a big deal.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (5 February 2013):
 Hi
Well as it's your brother,can't you talk to him.Ask him whats happened to the Xmas pressie that was promised your partner.
Do it in a light humerous way,not serious,over the phone and before the next get together.
Then tell your partner to get over it and forget it if nothing appears.Its all a bit childish really on his part,be different if he was 5yrs old.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 February 2013):
 What can his family member do? Force him to buy the present? Maybe he can't afford to buy it because he is careless with money or some unexpected bill came up. This is only between your partner and his brother in law. He says he doesn't care so maybe he won't say anything at the next gathering. Some people just like to fuss because it makes them feel bigger. If he does say something mean in front of his family, I am afraid you interfering would make it even worse. You can only go home and privately advise him, "Honey, I wished you didn't bring that subject up. I felt uncomfortable with the tension."
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