| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: So I have a new boyfriend and he is the most amazing guy I have everrrr been with personality-wise and I really LOVE who he is, because he is caring and he supports me (even as far as going to auditions just to help me have the guts to follow my dreams) and when I was extremely sick he cared for me. But there is a problem. And I hope you don't take this the wrong way because I know it's wrong and that's why I am here asking for help. Sexually I miss my ex. Technically, the guy isn't even my ex because he was "waiting" to commit to me. My ex and I had been "talking" (having sex) for about 4 months when I decided to break it off. I was out of town for about 2 months and had gotten to know my current boyfriend and thought he was better for me plus he actually showed interest to be with me. The thing is that even though I blame it on non-commitment, it was actually the fact that I maybe didn't want to commit to my ex even if he had wanted to. There were several things and he wasn't a guy I could see myself bringing home. Not racist but he was extremely dark, he was almost ten years older than me with two kids, a crazy ex-wife, he was living in unemployment apartments and smoked pot every day. But it was different than most people would think; he was so calm and caring and I felt so at ease with him. He didn't make a ton of money which is why he had welfare but he was working four jobs and going to school and just graduated with his bachelor's. Though what he was doing may seem wrong, he was definitely getting done with what he had to and he was a very hard-working man. And he did care about me! One time I even got my car towed and he paid the $365 while I made the money to pay him back. Now, I hate it and I have been trying to get him out of my head so hard because I don't think he is good enough (according to society... And probably my parents) for me but I think I was in love with him. And the way we made love I can't get out of my head. He was the first guy who was ever able to make me come both through intercourse and oral. The man was amaaaaazing with his mouth, I swearrrr! And when I came back into town, he said he needed closure so I went to his house to end it in person (terrible idea!) and he kissed me and it was the sweetest, softest kiss of my life! I backed him off and told him to respect that I have a boyfriend, but I didn't want to. Now, I miss every moment with him but I think it was just the fact that his kisses and sex was so amazing that I compare too much. I'm really trying to move on and be happy with my new relationship, but he keeps popping back into my head especially when he texts me telling me how he was just waiting for me to come back to make me his girlfriend and I know it's true but I was scared and wasn't sure I wanted to be that so I left him. And now I feel so wrong but it was like that one person you madly want to be with but can't and know the world won't approve. I don't know how to move on or what to do and I am afraid and don't want to cheat. I can't, my boyfriend truly is amazing. I told my ex to leave me alone and that we can be friends but I'm trying to move on with my new boyfriend but when I have sex ("make love") to my boyfriend, I think of my ex and compare and it makes me reallyyyy sad. And my boyfriend isn't good at oral or as good of a kisser. I feel horrrrible and my boyfriend doesn't know any of this. He would be devastated; he has no family and i am all he has, I don't want to hurt him but I'm hurting :( but I would probably never be with my ex. Help!!!!!!!!
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ex-wife, kisser, miss my ex, money, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (22 September 2012):
 If you feel you are comparing too much or that your current boyfriend isn't that great orally or sexually then why not tell him that just talk to him about it not in an embarrassing way or say you've been comparing but try and give him hints or tips on ways he can improve himself sexually if he doesn't know then it will never change and you'll always do that comparison. Your ex doesn't sound too great he seems like he wants what he can't have hence saying about you going to his and him kissing you he wanted it to go further so he can get you back, i think you're doing right by keeping your distance. I do think you should just talk with your boyfriend about ways he can improve sexually to make it more exciting for you both.Try not to do it in the way that makes him feel rubbish and may make his confidence go down but just tips that will help make it more exciting for you so you're not comparing.
A
female
reader, 1busybee  +, writes (22 September 2012):
Your ex-boyfriend is an amazing manipulator. You are young and he is experienced sexually, difference number 1. You and your current boyfriend can work into deeper intimacy as you get to know each other more. Your ex-boyfriend cheated the welfare system, he is not honest difference 2. He is a drug user chances are you are not difference 3 yet you could become one or if involved long enough for him to get you hooked. His 2 children is that what you want difference 4. Grow up and marry and have your own 2 with all the bills, headaches and potential for divorce and your own "EX". His finances stink difference 5, make your own finances and be thankful for the fact that you are truly free of this financially burdened older man with an ex wife that will haunt him for years to come.
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