A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a very important query for you all. I'm 17, and have been with my boyfriend for almost four years. I have a feeling I will be with him for a great deal more. He was 18 yesterday, and I am 18 on Wednesday next week. When we first got together, it was a bit like one of those stupid year nine relationships, just a crush, but over time we fell in love and have a healthy relationship. We tell each other everything, and respect each others privacy. He gets on well with my friends. My parents love him. Even my dad. And our parents get along really well with each other. Being one of the highly responsible people in my year, my parents Never found it necersary to have "the talk" full blown with me. My mum just told me to be careful. His parents did a similar thing, and told him that he obviously respected me, and wouldn't do anything stupid, or against my will.We are both virgins, but on my 16th birthday he gently brought up the idea of making love for the first time. I wasn't ready, and he backed off and told me to tell him when I was. Two years later and he hasn't said a thing, he's gone at my pace, been faithful to me and done everything I've asked for. I feel that now is the right time for us. My parents are away this week, which sounds a bit selfish on my birthday, but I told them that I'd like the house to myself for a week, as they've never left me alone in the house for more than a few days. I've not told him yet that I'd like us to have sex, and I know that our first time won't feel great physically, but emotionally it will be so significant. It's also important to me that our first time is on my birthday. Now, my questions are not things like being confident with my body, because of that was the case, I wouldn't be having sex with him just yet. Because he has done everything for me, I would like an extra special way of telling him that I'm ready. There comes my dilemma. All the ways I've thought of are really cheesy, so I need some ideas. Also, I am on the pill, because I don't want him to use a condom for our first time. We are both virgins and I don't believe he would lie to me, but is it a good idea for me to ask him to get an std check at our local gps, so I can feel more at ease?Thanks everyone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2012): Thanks everyone for the advice. My parents gave me and my boyfriend tickets to the Maldives for my birthday and we went and spent a week there. I told him on the beach at night and I won't tell you more than the ocean was involved ;)
We did use a condom because I really don't want to get pregnant, and we're sensible. Thanks everyone for the advice. It really helped!
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (22 September 2012):
 Ok, look, I don't mean to rain on your parade, but before you go off on each other I would ask one thing. 1)Remembering that you are only a virgin once in your entire life and it is the most important "gift" you have to give to your lover. Please just think it over very very deeply. otherwise, 30 years from now after you've either broken up or gotten a divorce...you might be wishing you had just given it a little more thought. Ok, there that's my advice. take it or leave it. just trying to give my life experience to your way-young mind. Hugs, R
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): This all sounds rather sweet to me. You obviously love each other a great deal, and want the best for each other. I agree. Don't say that making love for the first time won't feel great. Oral sex, blow jobs and foreplay could be added in there before penetration. I do agree with the significance. If you are sure he is the one, which sounds like he is, and you're ready, then go for it! And also, I believe that sex and making love are two different things, really. You have sex with someone, but you are only really making love if you love them. Therefore, making love to your boyfriend will feel amazing mentally because even if it hurts slightly, you haven't just hooked up with a random person, you have just given yourself to the most important person in your life. I was in a similar position as you when me and my boyfriend had sex for the first time. However, I was ready before him. I waited until he was ready, and he told me he was ready the exact way I've always dreamed of being proposed to, except it felt a million times better. We were both virgins but were about to give each other something we could give noone else. It was mid January and it was about 10:30 pm. It was dark, snowing heavily and he asked me if I'd like to go for a walk. Luckily, I love the cold, dark and the snow and we went out for a walk. There was no one around, no cars or anything. We took a walk through the fields near our village to a small stream which had frozen over. He got down on one knee and told me he was ready to make love to me. It was beautiful and romantic, and we gave ourselves to each other that very night. I'm assuming it's something like that that you want to tell him? You could go out for a meal, or go to a film, or rent a cottage for a couple of nights so you have complete privacy. You could just spring on him unannounced knowing he's already ready. Moral is, my boyfriend could have told me any way and it would have been special. He could have told me while we were in the car and it wouldn't have mattered. It's already special. But it was very romantic of him to have chosen a way which was so personal to me, which made me realise I don't want to spend my life with anyone else. I, like you, didn't want to lose my virginity while my partner was wearing a condom, but he begged me to let him, for my sake, because i didn't want to get pregnant, and a condom is extra protection, so I did. If you boyfriend has no problem with not wearing one, then i see no problem. But if he wants to, then let him. I don't see why he should have to get an std check as I refuse to believe he is lying to you, so I don't think that's a problem, but if you want him to have one, volunteer to have one as well, and he should be fine with it, but this is only necersary if he isn't going to be using a condom. I hope everything goes okay for you, sweetie. Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, 1busybee  +, writes (22 September 2012):
As a health educator I urge you to use a condom. These only reduce the risk of an STD not prevent them. You were both right to wait until the age of 18. Sounds like there is a great deal of respect between you so if you are going to take the risk take it with the responsible approach of condom use at least until you both get tested then if you continue together as a couple you can decide later to not use the condom. Show each other the ultimate respect for the safety and security of each other's health.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 September 2012):
 Don't say that the first time wont feel great physically, but you need to do things that you actually enjoy. Sex isn't just pumping in and out, which most inexperienced people seem to believe. Sex is also kissing, touching, making each other feel good.
Having intercourse isn't all there is to sex. So I suggest that you two start having sex, but wait with the intercourse itself until you are both ready for it. Start with touching each other, petting, handjobs, him rubbing you down there, or oral sex. Test it out, give different things a try, figure out how you can pleasure each other. Then, when you've both got a hang of what you like and dislike, move on to intercourse.
This wont have to take several months, it can take only a couple of days to figure out the basic things. You don't have to be tigers in bed in order to move to the next level, but at least know the basics of what you like and not.
I think the most special way you can tell him is to tell him face to face when in private. When you're snuggling up together, or when you have one of those intimate moments where you tell each other everything. Tell him then. Don't make this more difficult than it is, because hearing you tell him will mean a lot to him in itself. You don't have to do anything "extra" to make it more special. It already IS special.
If you want himt o get tested for STD's though you should volunteer to get tested as well, and that you both do it together. But it is hardly necessary unless he's been lying to you about his medical condition. And in either case, having had a test doesn't mean he can't still lie to you about the result. So I think it's unecessary to get tested when you are both virgins, unless he's grown up with a drug addict or have someone in his family that has HIV or Hepatitis B.
But then again, it could be cute and romantic in a sense if you both went and got checked together. I got myself tested as a gesture to my boyfriend before we had sex. He was a virgin, and I knew I didn't have anything, but I thought it'd be a good gesture to show him that I am responsible, and make him feel at easy I suppose. He offered to get tested too, but he was a virgin so the doctors didn't really see why he should get tested. It really takes a special circumstance for a virgin to have an STD.
If you worry about STD's I suggest you use condoms. In either case: use some form of protection. It's just a myth that you can't get pregnant the first time.
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