A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 22 yrs. old from Europe living in Canada. I use to be full of life and the kind of person that would light up the room when I walk in ever since I was a child. Everything changed when I was 15 and I started to feel attraction toward guys, which I did not pay much attention at first (I thought it was a phase that would pass) but it didn't. Is a secret I hold and as I age it starts to weight more and more. I was raised very family oriented and was always close to my family, but because they don't know who I am -it hurts me so much, more than you can imagine. I can't function properly - Few months ago some of my best friends close their relation with me because I forgot my phone to their house and they checked my messages and saw text messages between me and my boyfriend. 2 of them freaked out and never spoke to me since. It was a total shock to them because they would never expected me to be gay, since I don't look it or act it. When this happened I began to be more afraid almost paranoid. What if people will found out about my situation.. what if I end up with no friends, what if my family (cousins, uncles, aunts) will never want to be part of my life. It was a reality check for me.... and a future image of what my life could become if I expose myself .The only good thing about my life is that I am in a relationship with a amazing man for 3 yrs, he is 29 and also from Europe. He is very good looking, very successful, we love each other very much. I am blessed , and some people would kill to have something like this. He is just different, he is not so attached of his family he left them when he was 20..and went on with his life career away..etcBut I am not like that and yet here I am secretly deeply depressed for what I've become. I never fully accepted the fact that I am gay, I mean it's true otherwise I would have never meet this great guy but socially speaking it's brutal.. - I care about my parents that live in Canada,family back to Europe and my good friends.. but I just can't tell them about myself. My father has heart problems and he will be disappointed I am afraid he will meet an early death. Let's just say that in Eastern Europe family is not so open about gay life-style. I cannot be myself, I have this fake life when I am out of the relationship.. LIES after LIES..that I start to believe them myself.. I cannot remember last time I sat down with a friend and discussed my problems with and find solution, that was so great few yrs ago.. but now it's the only thing I hope.. Everybody needs someone to talk about life, relationship problems, but in my case I have nobody.I am happy I found this place so I can throw things that I built up inside me, and hopefully get some good advices. Sorry for writing to much i guess I just got carried out by my emotions
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female
reader, cmarieky  +, writes (17 July 2011):
Hey poster, I'm really sorry for your depression. I can relate 100%. I once was straight engaged to be married to an incredible man. I however, was miserable, depressed, suicidal, and all that. I tried to be straight but that was why my mental state and emotions were so poor. I ended up leaving him, my ex, to be with other women. Although all my relationships with females haven't been perfect, I find myself happy and confident. I say all that to say this......do what makes you happy. I agree with the other posters that emphasize self love and happiness. But I strongly disagree with all of the posters below me that urged you to tell your family. That is a oxymoron....to be happy being with men and to tell your family about your happiness of being romantically with men. Doing what makes you happy is being with men and only telling those who will be supportive and happy for u about your relationship. Honestly, family is just a title. Which means a great supportive loving friend can also have that title as family. I understand because I once stood in your shoes and having a religious family I didn't tell them. It wasn't important, I don't live in their city, drive their car, reside under their roof, receive money from them so therefore they cannot in no way dictate my life choices, and neither can your family. My advice friend, seek out friendships with people who are gay and gay friendly, they're less likely to judge you and more likely to be that close supportive friend you need. I honestly wish u the best. And I'm happy you have a wonderful relationship. Keep us posted and take care
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (15 July 2011):
 Well... I hate to tell you this but the ONLY WAY to be as happy and content with yourself and everything else... is to come out to those that matter (family). As much as you might think that it'll destroy things it most likely will not. They might be unhappy or even mad for a time but eventually they'll come around. They might be uncomfortable with seeing/being around your boyfriend and you shouldn't push him onto them. Let them adjust to things and be as open and straight forward, without being graphic, with them as possible.
If you have siblings, it might be best to start with them... and since your father is in poor health perhaps you should tell your mom first and get her opinion on if/when/how to tell your father.
It's generally a long, difficult process but in the long run you'll be much more comfortable with yourself and your relationship with your family. You'll also find... that the more people you tell... the better you feel.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (15 July 2011):
 That's what your family is for. Why else would we have them? Tell them what you've told us. They will accept you for who you are and if things change between you and them just because you're not the 'normal straight person', then they're pretty immature adults. So tell them and if they can't understand, then don't share your personal life with them.
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