A
female
age
26-29,
*unt earnest
writes:I have a friend who is very outgoing, confident, and self-promoting. She is very loud and sure of herself. At first, everyone wants to be friends with her, because she is so bubbly and witty. She knows all the inside jokes and references that I know nothing about. She is also very smart, but not as smart as she makes herself out to be. We get the same grades and are in the same honors classes, yet whenever I am with her she makes me feel stupid and flat. All the teachers love her and use her as an example all the time. If someone is having trouble, they suggest they talk to her because she is a "resource". It has gotten super annoying. I have known her since second grade and it has happened forever. She is exhausting to be around because you always must be sparkly, sharp-witted, and fun, or she will not have anything to do with you. Everyone likes her, but underneath all her gawdiness and wit she is as cold as a stone. She can be very mean sometimes when she does not like someone. I am so tired of her, but I don't know what to do because she is my only good friend, and I am not good at making new friends. Should I keep her as a friend and put up with always being overshadowed by her (and always having to hide my frustration at her loudness and inability to have a real conversation)? Or should I drop her and be alone? The second is not really an option but I would appreciate people's opinions.
View related questions:
spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 If talking isnt an option then i stick with making more of an effort to get to know different people in your school and classes, that way you will find other people you can be friends with to, that way you dont have to blow her off you can just widen your friendship group.
A
female
reader, aunt earnest +, writes (6 November 2011):
aunt earnest is verified as being by the original poster of the question You guys are right. I am jealous. I am super, super jealous of her!!! Everyone likes her more than me and she always gets special attention from the teachers. In middle school she always got awards just for being a good role model and an excellent student. I know, I know, she is my friend, I should be happy for her. But the way she handles it is so annoying. She just wants people to know how great she is and not talk about it. She wants to be the undisputed best, and so gets irritated when people mention her work, even though she goes out and publishes things regularly, so she must want people to see them. False modesty, in my opinion. I need to stop obsessing over her. It is not healthy, and it is holding me back.
Thank you for being so helpful in your thoughts!
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt earnest +, writes (6 November 2011):
aunt earnest is verified as being by the original poster of the question Everyone says that I should tell her how I feel, but I just can't do that because she is one of those people who can't talk about real things. It just doesn't happen. In middle school, she was the obvious "queen bee" of our "clique", but we could never, ever talk about it because that was the whole point of the clique: we weren't a clique. But we clearly were. She only ever talks in one liners, puns, and other jokes. Her converstion is just sparkly fluff. I have never talked to her about anything serious except in school assignments, and even those were usually not about OUR relationship. Also, we are not the closest of friends. She had a best friend last year and the year before who recently moved away, and I know that she wishes I had moved away instead. I have only been over to her house once and she never came to mine except for birthday parties when we were little. She does things with our other friends and doesn't invite me. She has inside jokes that she won't share with me (not that I bother to ask anymore). And when she talks in school, her way of talking is so frustrating. She is such a teacher's pet. She doesn't even have to raise her hand, she just kind of fans it out in front of her face and the teachers pounce on her, because her answers are so "vital to the class discussions" Uggh!! The whole time she talks I am thinking of shooting poison darts at her. I know. Sorry to vent like this, but you guys need to know the extent of our relationship. I can't talk to her because then nobody would want to be friends with me. Everyone loves this girl and everyone is afraid of her. Including me, but I am slowly getting over that. So...thoughts? :)
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 My guess is a huge part of this is jealousy, you long to get the attention that she receives and you resent her for this, now listen this is not a bad thing it is completely normal to feel like that. But if she is really loud then I can understand why you would get annoyed. If she is not able to have a serious conversation with you, then how in the world is she one of your closest friends? If she puts you down in front of others to make herself feel better then honey she is not friend. You say it is not an option to get her out of your life, but if you have nothing in common and she annoys you and puts you down well then I really don't see why you would want to be friends with her.
...............................
A
female
reader, MeShell +, writes (6 November 2011):
 You should tell her how you really feel. She won't ever know. Have you ever had an argument with her and told her exactly what you felt? I don't like to associate with people like that, but I've had my fair share of people like that. They are really nice to everyone and only you can see the vapid side they have. It's understandable how you don't want to lose your friend, but think about it in the long run. Do you think this friendship will last. One day you might not be able to take it anymore and just blow up on her. I think you should bring the subject to her and see what she says. Make sure you have complete confidence and face her properly. Don't hold back. Get this out of the way. I know it's hard to make new friends, but before you know it your new best friend will grace you with their presence at the most oddest times. That's usually how friendship goes. Just be confident. I hope everything goes okay. :)
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (6 November 2011):
I know you think she is cold as a stone, but trust me that wont be the case.People who present themselves as so happy and confident and put other people down are usual the people who are the most insecure inside. They need to put on a show of kinds so people dont get to know the real them and dislike them.This dont stop it being annoying when they put you down or be mean, have you ever talked to her about how you feel and the way she can be with you, if you did this she may see what she is doing.Atleast give her that chance. If nothing changes, maybe dont drop her as such, but spend more time making a real effort (I know its hard!) to talk to knew people and get to know them, so if she does become to much, you do have other friends.
...............................
|
