A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My parents have been divorced for 16 years after my dad had an affair with my step mum, and I'm 20. Over these 16 years, they got married and had my half sister (6) and since she was born I feel that my step mum is not trying to maintain a relationship with me and we have drifted so much apart we are now practically strangers. My brother feels that she has also been a bitter woman towards him and he feels that she hates him.Also, whenever I have been to their house, I have felt not welcome and uncomfortable because my dad and step mum do not make an effort with me when I visit. This has resulted in me sitting in on of their empty rooms in the house crying my eyes out because I feel so left out and how I feel an outsider to my Dad's "family". I have also been feeling resentful towards my half sister as she has both of her parents and has more privileges than I did her age. She is also at a private school, which charges £3,000 a term. My Dad is not helping paying my brother his university fees which is £3,000 A YEAR.Since starting at university, I have met up with my dad one-to-one which I enjoy because I know that I have his full attention and there is no distactions. My counsellor said that I should keep up with this instead of going to his house and ending up miserable.Because of this, I came to the conclusion that I do not want my step mum to be associated with my life merely because she has no purpose to be in my life - if she does not try to maintain a relationship with me then why should I try? She has not supported me at all during certain times of my life when I was depressed, or even when I started university.My question is, is this an irrational conclusion? Do I have the right to feel this way?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 Off course you have the right to feel the way that you do. It must be very upsetting to feel pushed out of there family life, it is your dad at the end of the day. Obviously your step mum has no interest in being a step mum to you. Be thankful that you have your own mother and just don't bother with her. It makes you happy spending time alone with your father so keep doing this, and if he asks why you don't call around to the house any more be firm and honest with him and tell him it upsets you feeling left out all the time. Make him aware of your feelings so that maybe he can try and help you. It is unfair that he treats his younger daughter better, but this might have something to do with her mother, maybe he does not have a say. Maybe he feels you and your brother are adults now and should be supporting yourselves who knows talk to him and ask him any questions that you have.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2011): I don't think it's an irrational conclusion, I think it's a very adult decision on your part. I've known people whose blood relatives weren't supportive financially or emotionally and have come to the same conclusion as you about there own parents. Rather than feel resentful of this half sister or your stepmother, I think you should have a heart to heart with your dad about how you feel like you're not part of his new family at some point when you're ready . Has your dad supported you through the years? If he has, I would say that's what counts the most. Good luck.
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