| A
female
,
*lderdanmycrush
writes: hi i was wonderin what everyone thought about datin older ppl???im 14 and datin a 28 year old man.what u fink?? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): Dating older isnt a problem at all.it just for older people to recall 2 their sex life wen they were at young age
A
female
reader, MC LITE  +, writes (18 February 2010):
To make a long storie Short .......
when i got married about 4 years ago i as a 22 year old pride already had my vision of the pickit fence and family i also Knew how much Sacrifice it was as my partner 2years older than me did not have the Same vision and now im Divorced ..........i now have met a 50 year old Guy and guess what ive been treated like a queen , people often said i was matured for my age and yes it scrared me at the beginning but hey ........im happy and never felt so Secure loved and Protected , the respect this guy has for me is unbelieveable
I then Ask 2 question
Does Age matter ? the only answer i can think of and i hope this makes sence is
1. The True intension of both Parties ( eg the olde guy must not be dating the very young girl because SEX )
2. If both parties have there Visions or how they see life
on on level
3.If the Above points are met then i guess the relationship would be fine
Please email me if you would like to reply on the Following
[email address blocked]
thanks so much
...............................
A
female
reader, Dizmal  +, writes (25 November 2009):
 Ok so I know by now that it's either worked out or it hasen't he's either taken advantage of you or he hasen't I'm currently 15 and I'm pretty sure what I feel for this guy that has been a family friend for a lot of years I'm pretty sure what I fell for him is love and it's a beautiful thing when you have found it I understand that I haven't hit legal age of consent but he's not gonna use me for sex or any of it we have already talked about things like that I don't see why this world is so against age differences my brother and his wife are 14 years apart and they have been together for going on five years I personally don't find anything wrong with it.... AGE IS JUST A NUMBER!
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 April 2009):
 I fink this post is 3 plus years old, that's what I fink.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): RUN from him!! He is using you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): Hey,I met a 28 year old when I was 16 and we're not openly dating, but we still meet up and keep in contact and I'm just turning 18 and he's just turned 30. I think you're a bit young as you're under the legal age, but who are we to judge? I think as long as you feel comfortable seeing him and he likes you for who you are and isn't looking for one thing then age shouldn't matter. Take care hunny xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2008): well i think age is just a number i am 15 going out with a 20 year old ! but its not the age that matters its how you feel for each other ! and if he gotta head on his sholders that makes it even better !
...............................
A
female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (26 November 2008):
 sweety, I wont sit here and say your wrong. I couldnt lol. when I was 15 I lost my viginity to a 25 year old, whom I still talk to. im 17 now and he's 27. but being only 14, he could manipulate you very easy, so be careful hun. do what you think is right :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): i think is okay but not really because im 14 and my lover is is 21 and i suggest that you should tell your parents about it and if you think is right then do it (stay with him) but dont try to go from 14 to 28 because is not fun triust ME!!!!!!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, zoeyboey  +, writes (22 February 2008):
This person has got to be having a wind up . youve probley only just started your periods ! 14 and ur man is 28 ? have a word thats child abuse and any one that wants to sit there and say its ok its fine i did it is compleatly off there heads thats sick a man who is much too old to go out with a child . you should be concentrating on ur school work darling leave the big boys to us big girls ok ?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): At 14, you are not emotionally or physically ready to be with someone that is 28. If you were 30 dating a 44 year old, it would be a much different story; but you've barely hit puberty and your asking if it's okay?
Do your parents know about this? If not, I would seriously consider getting out of this before you get this guy in some serious trouble. He's just asking for statutory rape charges.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): I think a 28 year old man who's dating a 14 year old is looking for something more than the lovey-dovey relationship that you are hoping.
I think that relationship is just asking for trouble and hurt.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): The whole age difference will actually effect you later down the road but these may just be words to you, but when you hit a century yours old you'll understand more then you understood at your age. Your young don't be in a hurry to grow up, because when you become Legal it will probably be to late to know what your missing and that's the Unknown.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): theres nothing wrong with it.. but thats just what i think
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): I think 14 to 28 maybe a little to much of a difference iam 17 going on 18 and my boyfriend is 28 and we have been dating for 3yrs. To me age aint nothing but a number so do yo thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): I dated someone who was ten years older than I was when I was fifteen. I married him when I was eighteen. I divorced him when I was twenty; by then I had a baby who was almost two years old. It all worked out fine in the end; I worked my way through law school (my child's father remained unemployed but wanted alimony from me when I left him, when I was 20 and he was 30; he also wanted custody of my baby and child support, neither of which he got, fortunately). I supported my son, who graduated from college a few years ago, and he is fine.
But what I realized in hindsight is that there is something wrong with a guy who is in his late 20s, who can't date women his own age, and who is looking for a teenager who will accept and financially support him. I just could not see that when I was 15 -- back then, I was flattered that he was paying attention to me, and I thought it showed how mature I was. That may have been partly right, but it also showed that he he had certain deficits.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007): that's illegal you can get him on jail.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): i like to date old men..........
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2007): i'm 19 and my boyfreind is 27 and i feel that dating him and him being older shoulnd't be the issue if im ahppy. he has made me a better person in life and i look at things differently since we been together.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007): Well..14 and a 28 year old person dating. Wow, I would say your asking for trouble. Really..dating. You go out, bond, intimacy may be an issue. If your an American any 'relations' would be considered statutory rape at that point. It's not even socially accepted. I would just say the 14 year old should just wait until your older. The 28 year old should realize how ludacris this is...but you decide. It's your life...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): I think you are too young. The way you type says a lot, and I do not know one 14 year old, nor did I when I was that age, that was mature or emotionally sound enough to date someone that old.
Unless he isn't normal, no offense, he is only attracted to you for sexual reasons. He probably finds the idea of being with someone so young fascinating.
This is sometimes heartbreaking to hear (though at this point you'd be 16 and you have probably learned this by now) but you aren't as smart or as worldly as you think you are. If you are still seeing him, he has probably cheated on you or taken advantage of you in some way. At such a young age, these things can really change how you feel about yourself for the worse and set you up for abuse later. It happens to older women, too.
I hope younger girls out there that come here know that you need to put your feelings for the older men in your life to the side and do better for yourself. At a young age like that it is much more satisfying to date someone only a bit older. You won't feel intimidated or underqualified, you'll learn together, and you won't unknowingly get taken advantage of.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): Im 16 and dating a 26 year old.i find it funny because seriousely why would a 26 year old be intersted in someone so young..and then i think about it and ask myself the same question...hah.i guess it doesnt really matter for age just dont get pressured in doing things that are unnecissary..and if you feel a little nervouse about it...just wait a couple of years until you start officially dating.sure hell still be older but so will you,love is love..it shouldnt matter age or sex.:]
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007): I'm 14 years old. I had a relationship with somebody who was 20, but before it became sexual, I broke it off, because I knew it was wrong and against the law. I liked him a lot, could have even loved him, but I liked him too much for him to get sent to jail, even if we did love each other. Hopefully, once I turn 16 (the age of consent), we can start things up again, but till then I'm being smart and keeping away.The man you are dating is twice your own age. I may be young but even I know that this is wrong, he is a paedophile, and can get into SERIOUS trouble. Act before you do something stupid.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): i think that dating a 28 year old at such a young age is disgusting. i am 15 and datin an 18 year old but i feel that this is acceptable as it is not sexual and the age gap isnt that large. this man is double ur age and would expect things from you. is you are in a sexual relationship he can get put in prison and his name will b placed on a sex offenders list!!!! i think that he would deserve it i am totally disgusted!!!!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2006): I think GL needs to take a good hard look at himself. This is the second time that he has given someone less than 14 years old permission to date men who were 24 and 28. All his advice MUST be taken into context and I would advise anyone who posts a question on age issues to question GL's advice, not blindly taking it. He is using these posts to justify his own life choices without considering what is best for the person who has sought advice.
...............................
A
female
reader, Angelface +, writes (15 January 2006):
Hi im 18 and living with a 50 year old. Its the best thing that i have ever done. You will sometimes get funny looks but if you like each other then it will work. Just make sure that you are not being pressured into sex and tell your parents. Be as honest as you can with everyone and they will respect you more for it. People have got different opinions but calling him a perv is just wrong. No one can answer this but you. Reach deep in your heart and then you will find the answer x x good luck x x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2006): hi there. I personally think everything happens for a reason and every person we meet is there to teach us something about ourselves. Life is full of mistakes but we only grow up by making these. I could tell you he is too old for you but i am sure it does not change how you feel about him. What i will say is, Do not lose yourself in the relationship! Keep your own friends, your own hobbies and dont get too wrapped up in him. It is exciting dating older people but forget the age he is a person as are you and i am sure if you follow your heart you will know if its right for you. love sam
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2006): wow...i dont really have a problem with people dating older people..you just have to make sure that thats what you want for life...make sure you dont regret anything...but i feel you on the wantin to date someone older cause everyone else is too immature!...lol
...............................
A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (4 January 2006):
 i find what glforever wrote disturbing and he has given you somewhat misleading advice , firstly what he is doing is illeagal if he is having penetrative sex with you, oral sex , or masterbating, the law see this as a sexual assault facing a sentence of 2 years and if you were less than 2 years younger it would be life . there is nothing wrong with age gap relationships unless one of the people involved is a child under the age of consent.
and it isnt fine simply if you look older.
i wouldnt expect you fully understand all of this as when you are younger you can feel alot more ready and grown up than you are, well i can tell you from actually having been ther i went out with 2 men who were 24 when i was 15 and i wondered what all the fuss was about and i was just sooo chuffed someone older was interested , now i am 26 and i look back and realise that at thier age they should of known better and i feel that they were wrong for being with me even though i thought it was cool at the time!
i have nothing but regret.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2006): i am a female reader and i am 16 years old dating a 28 yearold and i think it is perfectly fine because everyone i know thought i was older then wat i am when he met me he thought i was atleast 19 years old and as long as you act mature about the situation and seem older than wat you are its not really bad. Unless he is using u just to get some evereyone says i have a higher mentallity than my bf which is probably true truthfully age is just a number because if you where 19 and he was 32 then it wouldnt matter because you are an adult and i dont think it should matter either way. good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (2 January 2006):
 I think that no matter what GL may say, this is wrong. He may not be a paedophile but there is something disturbing about a grown adult wanting to date a minor. If I found that an adult was showing interest in a daughter of mine your age I would have some serious advice for him, which he would be wise to take note of: Stay away.
...............................
A
male
reader, GLforever +, writes (2 January 2006):
 If this 28-year-old man pressures you for sex, treats you disrespectful, talks down to you, or tries to make you feel inferior to him, then I agree absolutely that you should send him packing.On the other hand, it is discouraging to see so many narrow-minded (or factually wrong) replies to your question. Where to start... Oh, "this man is a paedofile". Unless you have not yet reached puberty, this is probably wrong. A pedophile is an adult attracted to prepubescent children. Another says that your relationship is "against the law". That is (in at least 99% of the world) not true unless you are having sex with him. Other people seem to feel that since they had a bad experience with an older man, that you too are doomed to have a bad experience as well. Someone else is concerned that "You cant even go to a bar together". Well, that is probably true, but it would still be true (in the USA) if you were 20 and he were 21.It amazes me how much other posters know about your boyfriend just by reading your question! They are able to tell that he is a pedophile, that he is "very immature", that he cannot "handle 'real' relationships with a woman his own age", and that he only wants sex and will leave you "heartbroken, and quite possibly, pregnant". I didn’t know that there were so many psychics posting.I agree than many relationships with significant age differences are not healthy, and do involve the older person taking advantage of the younger person. But not all relationships with significant age differences are this way. Sometimes, these relationships can be very rewarding for both people involved. Disclaimer: I am an adult male who prefers the company of teen girls over that of women may age. Thus, in the eyes of prior posters, I am a pedophile, I am immature, I cannot handle relationships with women my own age, and I cannot go to bars with the girls like. Well, at least one of those four assumptions is actually true... I will leave it to you to guess which one(s)...Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, Grim Reaper +, writes (29 December 2005):
 It's not the age difference that bothers me, it's the fact that you are only 14. This man you are dating is old enough to know better, you must put an end to this dangerous situation.
I know you don't want to hear this but, you are still a child, enjoy being a child while you still can.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2005): You know what? I'm dating a 33 year old and I'm 20. Same difference. Everyone makes a bigger deal about it when your younger, but when he's 63 and your 50, is it that big of a deal anymore? I've fallen in love with my older boyfriend and could never see myself with a younger man. I just love the maturity and know I'm not missing anything about my age by being with him. We've been together for over a year now and our relationship is only growing stronger. Do what's in your heart. If he makes you happy and feel the way you want to feel, why would you leave him b/c he's older? You could end up trying to date 20 other men, your age, who make you feel horrible. Doesn't make sense to me. Live your life, not how other's would live it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2005): I think that its very dodgy. Why do you want to throw away you childhood on someone who is so much older? You should be spending time with friends having a laugh and having no worries, at 14 you dont even have exams to worry about yet. Enjoy yourself!
You cant even go to a bar together, I would say you are holding each other back.
...............................
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (24 December 2005):
 Bad idea... What on earth do you two talk about? School? Boys? Fashion mags?
Come on, girl. You have nothing in common with a 28-year-old and he has nothing in common with you. He wants you for sex. That's it, full stop. When he gets tired of using you for sex, he'll walk away, leaving you heartbroken, and quite possibly, pregnant.
A man his age who dates girls your age is a bare-faced paedophile.
If you're as grown up and smart as you think you are, you'll walk away and find someone who's interested in your _mind_.
I speak from experience, by the way, hon. When I was 14, I was with a 44 year old. When I was 17, I got married to a 26-year-old. Neither relationship worked because I was always "under the thumb", being ordered around and being assumed to be pig-ignorant. Thankfully, I smartened up... though not until I was 23. Don't make my mistake.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2005): I aggreed to meet up with a guy who was 28 and i agree with 'irish'...its all about power and control. Does he know your 14? I was 17 with this 28 year old and it turned out that he liked girls who were 'inexperienced' etc which was very creepy. Get out before you get really attached to him, that much of an age difference has alot of troubles.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2005): Dear, I respect your feelings about love and dating but when you are 14 years old, the idea of a 28 year old man liking you, likely seems irresistable to you. But hun, this is not real love...it's about power and control, on his part. He's older and he calls the shots. This is not a equally balanced, healthy relationship. To him a younger girl your age, would be be easier to deal with, but the reality is--if he could handle "real" relationships with a woman his own age, if he was socially mature-he wouldn't be giving a 14 year old, the time of day. He's setting you up to be used for possibly sexual purposes, he's very immature himself..he's trouble.
You have been told about the illegal aspects of what could happen if this relationship turns sexual. A good way to really figure him out? Warn him about the "statuatory laws" and if he still wants to have sex with you, then no matter how much it hurts- leave him! When an alleged adult will disregard the law and risk 'jailtime" because of his own selfish needs and wishes, there's no telling what else he'll disregard-including your needs and wishes. Always discern a person by his actions and behaviours, dear-not by what he says.
But at 14, you may be bright and mature but it could be that your emotions are way ahead of your ability to judge the situation or this person properly. You just don't have the knowledge and experience to handle this type of relationship yet. Teenagers always say "It's different for me-I can deal with this!' Well-that may be so, but this is SO incredibly different because you have nothing to compare it to. You stand a chance of being hurt very badly. You need to grow, gain knowledge, attain more life experience to deal with this type of adult relationship. Please talk to a trusted adult in your family about this. But take action...don't get hurt, dear. Dump him and date boys closer to your own age. Keep in touch and take care.
Hugs, Irish
...............................
A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (23 December 2005):
 I'm sorry but in my opinion until you are at minimum 17 you should NOT date anyone older than 17 period. The difference in age around this time frame is too hard to handle and their is a maturity level that cannot be broken. I'm sorry that you are in this relationship but if he really cares for you he will break it off. Besides the fact that it's against the law. Good luck. Ed
...............................
A
female
reader, shania +, writes (23 December 2005):
 He is far too old for you.This man is fast approaching his thirties and what worries me is why would someone of that age would want to date a 14yr old? You are not yet a woman and he ia abusing your age and lack of experience.If he was to have sex with you,he would get done for statuory rape because you are under age.I hate to say this but this man is a paedofile,i hope for your sake,he hasnt taken advantage of you? This man gets turned on by young girls or young teens.Please walk away,this man is nothing more then scum.
...............................
|
