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female
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*ara1973
writes: My husband has had an affair with his boss in the military which is highly inappropriate. I am also in the military and have threatened with formal action due to my anger. He was on course for 8 weeks with his boss and rang me and told me my marriage was over. I have two children aged 7 and 20mths. He then stayed on course for another three weeks , she was on the course as well. After coming home he moved out that day and Left me with the children, looked after them 1 day a week and then 8 weeks later went to iraq for 6 month. Once he left i had confirmation of his relationship with his boss and am expected to babysit when he comes home half way thru to see the kids so he can have a couple of days with her before he goes back for another three months. We have had over 100 emails yelling screaming etc, but he cannot understand how upset and angry i am.. I will not let her ever involved in the kids life and i want to punch her lights out. The way i am reacting could affect my career ad wee. What should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (23 December 2005):
 I think you have every right to be upset. Affairs in the military seem to be somewhat common nowdays. I spent 15 years in the military and I know. Maybe it's all the hurry up and wait (do nothing) approach. However, one thing I do know is that one of my friends boss spent the night at his house after a party. They were drinking and he said he was intoxicated. So everyone left and he remained behind. Well my friend woke up around 3:00 a.m. and went into the living room where his wife was performing fellatio. My friend actually beat the snot out of his sergeant. The next day when my friend came to work he and the commanders had a formal conversation. She was sent that day from Germany to the United States and the sergeant was reduced 2 grade levels. My friend was aquitted of all wrong doing for the sergeant allowing him to drink(in his own house)too much. I personally think they just sympathized with him. I'm truly sorry that your going through this however the military does not take lightly affairs/cheating and especially spousal abuse. I WOULD have a one on one with the commander ONLY and recommend that you be entitled to 1/2 of his paycheck for the rest of the childrens aging until 21. In addition I would ask that his boss or commander be TRANSFERRED somewhere (oh let's say SIBERIA) and that he be ordered to go through marraige counseling if nothing else in the civilian world it's called FOCUS for children. Last but not least I would ask that if your happy with your job that you be allowed to stay where you are and receive some sort of support from the military or his paycheck (although I think they can only take 1/2). This way you won't struggle with housing and bills while he's off getting his head examined. I know that you may not like your situation but try and remember the military does not need personnel who cannot conduct themselves professionally and live up to their responsibilities. Also I do believe that your entitled to seek the STAFF JUDGE ADVOCATE for legal advice on divorce. P.S. DO NOT PUNCH HER LIGHTS OUT NOR HIS, for fear that you do, the military WILL prosecute you. Good luck and may the next man in your life not be an idiot. Sincerely Ed
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