A
female
age
30-35,
*hhitsasecret
writes:Okay, so here's my problem. I'm 16 and have always been attracted to all races, it's never been an issue until recently. I'm white, and have become really close friends with this guy.. who's black, we're very flirty with each other. I like him and I'm pretty sure he likes me back. My problem is my date is pretty much against mixed dating, at least when it comes to his daughter. He has many black friends himself, and I wouldn't consider him a racist... but he has made comments warning me not to date black guys, and I never really tool them to heart until now. I'm worried that if me and my friend do end up dating my dad will not accept him, which is pretty likely. What should I do? I don't want to stop hanging out with him, because I do have strong feelings for him. Race wouldn't of even crossed my mind it weren't for my dad, and it frustrates me that it has to be like this. I'm very sure that if we continue hanging out, it's going in the direction of something more, do you think we should continue? I respect my dad's opinion and listen to his advice and suggestions 99% of the time, but this isn't right and it's unfair of him to place these unrealistic standards, becuase it's MY decision, not his.What should I do?:(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): I don't know why people care so much about mixing race. You shouldn't be force to do something you don't want to do, just because society does not see it ok. Come on! we are living in a globalized world, we are able to make our own decisions. We have to stop listen to what others think about ourselves. If you like him and he likes you back, then you should give it a try. You never know what's awaiting for you. Just follow ur heart,but of course always think of what step you are going make, in terms of relationships.
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 You posted this same question on 13th December 2009.
The answers that many including myself gave you then, will still apply now.
At some stage, you will have to face the truth of the situation. No-one here can tell your father for you. It's something that you have to do yourself.
Re-read all the answers. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): you shouldnt listen to the "stay to your own kind nonsense" thats the exact reason why people cant unify now. why would you deny yourself a cultural experiene just because of RACE? its stupid. in ancient egypt arabs,africans, whites, and others lived together with NO racial barriers. they jus saw each other as people and yet we found a way to back track into this idiotic "stay in your pack" crap. If dad loved u he will atleast hear you out even if it takes forever. Then, have them meet. Maybe he will find something he likesm in him.
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A
male
reader, Faraday +, writes (3 February 2010):
 I know I will get flamed for this, but in truth, ALL people are racist, otherwise known as territorial. We unite within our own groups against threats from outsiders to the group: it's natural and inbuilt, as a way of protecting our "tribes".
Artificially changing all this, as socities have done, has led to all sorts of problems, too numerous and inappropriate to discuss here.
As for your situation, unless you are so totally and utterly sure that he and no other is perfect for you and you can face a lifetime of difficulties and hostility, I would walk away and find someone more of your own grouping.
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A
male
reader, imnicebuttdim +, writes (3 February 2010):
i am in a different sitauation as i am asian and she is black but you ave to talk to one parent first and then speak to the other as if they are together it is harder.
we have been together coming upto 10 years now and our parents were both against us but now would never have it any other way
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A
female
reader, alexis**  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 im sorry you have this problem. my dad is actually like that too. my boyfriend is black and white. i have been with him on &off for over a year. i felt bad for keeping a secret like that from my dad, but i did finally have them meet. they both love football, so i brought that up,and had them bond over that. my dad seems o.k. with him now.
i dont know how close you & your dad are, but my dad & i are kinda close.
i hope you will be able to make things work.
goodluck:)
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A
female
reader, dorothy2342 +, writes (3 February 2010):
 I can't tell you what to do but I can give you some advice. I don't think your fathers feelings about your dating a black man makes him a racist. A father wants what he believes is best for his daughter and there are many problems involved in mixed marriages, including the problems a mixed race child will face all of their life. I am not nor have I ever been racist and that goes deeper than blacks and whites, it involves people of all races and ethnic backgrounds. Mixed dating is accepted more now than when your father was your age. Like it or not white women that date or marry black men are still looked down on by society. They are usually thought of as low class or not able to get a white man. But in the end the decision will ultimately be yours. Ask yourself if this young man is worth ruining you and your fathers relationship. Have you ever talked with your dad about why he feels the way he does about you and intercacial dating? Before you make the decision, talk to your dad, then decide if you are ready to take on the problems that come with YOUR DECISION.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (3 February 2010):
Maybe just desensitize your dad to the idea by having the guy over to the house with others in group so your dad can get to see how wonderful he is. Your dad doesn't have to know he is your boyfriend right away. Maybe by the time he finds out, he will like the guy so much he will be more accepting of him.
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A
male
reader, maybe-not +, writes (3 February 2010):
 most parents never want their kids to date outside their race. but its what you feel and what you think of this guy, if he is good to you and treating you good, eventually your dad will accept it.
I'm not white nor black but wife is white, and we dated for 5 years then got married, and my parent weren't okay with that. but time get them to get used to it. they saw me happy, and it is all what they cared for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous011 +, writes (3 February 2010):
 i think that you should date him because you never know this could be the one for you and your dad is not going to be the one with you all the time when you get older your man will i also think race shouldnt matter and if you have to keep it on the down low from him for awhile then do that just do what makes you happy!!!!
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