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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: This guy and I have been dating for 2 and a half weeks. I really enjoy being with him. The problem is that he is trying to move to fast to the sex. He tried to sleep with me on the first date. I told him that I didn't sleep on first date.We have been on 5 dates,he tried to sleep with me 4 of them.On one of the dates he didn't pressure me hard because I had death in my family, but after the funeral he started again.I have told him that I would like to get to know him better before we take the next step, but if he had needs and wants I would not try to hold him back, but I hoped that He and I could still be friends. He didn't say anything to that. The next day we had another date. He seemed to happy to see me and tried to have sex again. I didn't do it. The next day , we had another date and he didn't try anything, but he didn't act happy to see me. I think that he is a nice guy but I get very uncomfortable , Because everytime except one he has tried to have sex.I know that he wants it right now and he knows that i don't. I don't want to be selfish holding him back from what he wants thats why I told him to move on if he needs to, but he hasn't. We may have a date tomorrow and Im worried that he is going to try again. Should I walk awyay from this relationship if he continues?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 October 2009):
This guy only wants sex. Personally, I'd walk away from this relationship right now. He doesnt' want to know who you are at all. He just wants sex. Don't feel pressurized to do anything you don't want to. And it's great that you haave standards that you stick by. Don't give up on them either.
A
female
reader, kliciouss  +, writes (4 October 2009):
 seems like you are uncomfortable with the sex early on in the relationship, he still pressures you even if you say you don't want to yet. drop him.
if you want sex, do it.
if you don't, drop him.
he's just going to want sex period. beware, after you give him sex, you better be prepared to give it to him all the time or he is going to be gone. that's the vibe i get from the guy you are talking about.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (4 October 2009):
 Ok, let's cut to the point of all this. Do you want to have sex with him yet, or not yet? Is it against your moral conviction to have sex this early in a relationship, or is the only reason you're not having sex to test him to see how much of a "nice guy" he is? Cause if you want to have sex with him and you think he's a nice guy, go ahead and do it, seriously. Life is too short to play these games. BUT... if his early advances toward you bother you enough to override everything else nice you think of him... THEN it's time to tell him to GET LOST FOR GOOD. My personal gut feeling about him, is that he is NOT A NICE GUY, because he is completely disregarding your wishes every step of the way as if what you want doesn't matter, and it repeatedly doesn't matter, and the time that he DIDN'T try anything, he was not in a good mood. Blech! I'd tell him to get lost if it were me. Seriously. I get bad vibes about this guy just by what you've told us about him.
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A
female
reader, thewomanmenwant  +, writes (4 October 2009):
Hi,
I would be far more direct with him. His only goal is sex. He's not interested in getting to know the beautiful person you are inside out.
Many times women are afraid to cut to the chase with men because we may fear hurting their feelings or them leaving but that is just what he needs. He needs to know that you are not a "girl" but a woman who know what you want.
Sorry but it appears that you attracted a shark and I think it's best for you to let him continue swimming. Cut your loses and move on to someone who will actually respect you.
I'd say in a very sweet way, "hey, I think you're great but this is just not going to work for me." Smile and wave bye-bye.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): from your description, this guys obviously after one thing .... your sex parts. nothing you're typing describes a guy thats going to be around for more than one or two times, and even if he does stick around, it's only because he's getting nookie. is that what you want? do you want to be used? think this through, please.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): I do agree with rhythmandblues2 you should not tell him that if he has needs to get them else where. Although he should understand that you are not ready and he shouldn't be mad at you for not wanting to have sex. If he truly cares for you, he wouldn't be pressuring you to have sex. If he doesn't get over it because you are not ready then he is not worth it. I think rhythmandblues2 is also right that he might feel rejected and you can make him feel wanted without completely shutting him down. I wish you the best of luck.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (4 October 2009):
My answer is easy. Get rid of this guy. He is not interested in anything long term with you if he is just looking to get laid. This is coming from a guy. If a guy really likes a girl and sees something long term with her he doesn't try to get in her pants on the first date. Trust me girl you are so much better off without this guy. I understand you like him but he ain't worth it. If you are looking for something long term this is not the guy for you. Once you finally put out for him that will one be all he is interested in or 2 he will consider his conquest complete and move on to the next.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): I think you don't want to be telling him that if he has sexual needs you understand and to please move on.
You don't have to feel sorry for the man, he is a big boy and he can decide for himself he he wants to wait.
Instead be more confident and upbeat about the whole thing. You can still act sexual and kiss him and all, but you have to make it clear to him that you don't want to have sex with him for quite some time, that you find it gets in the way of building a good foundation for a friendship and a romance, but that when you think you are ready that you know it is going to be so much better because you think he is such a sexy man and the two of you will be so ready for each other that it will be even that much better.
If you tell him to go on all the time, that comes accross as rejection just as much as anything and people, men especially don't like rejection of any kind. Let him know you love his kisses, his body, but sex is not gonna happen for quite awhile until you both know how into each other you are. That is reasonable and if he isn't really into you then you will know sooner than later.
Why give him the cookie when he hasn't been on the job for at least 90 days for instance. You don't know if he is going to be a good boyfriend or the right guy for you and vice versa.
He will be OK, let him try, just take control and move his little hands elsewhere....good luck.
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