A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Since my last (traumatic) break-up, where my ex was sleeping with her ex and others behind my back, I began internet dating. I didn't sleep with anyone for the first few months, as I was just enjoying the dating side of it and was enjoying getting to know new people.Recently I began dating two women off the site (repeat 'dating', not 'seeing') and it all started to go well.However, both of them have now said that they have fallen for me. The trouble is that I like both of them and cannot choose between them. I never expected, planned or wanted to be in this position and I hate it. I have not slept with either of these women, nor have I said anything about 'Let's start seeing each other exclusively'- and neither have they, until now. And I feel awful, because I feel like I am now stringing both along. I am not planning to 'do the dirty' on both, but I am in a postion that I never expected to be in. My experience of internet dating has been odd and I have been treated badly on more than one occasion, but now I feel that I am in a situation where someone is going to be let down- and I feel that I am the one who should feel bad too. About two years ago, I started a punishing fitness regime that has changed me physically and mentally. Whereas before I was a poor-me, now life is really positive. But this situation really sucks and I need some advice. Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2007): There are times in life, when one has to make a choice. You need to choose one of these women if you want to become involved and commit yourself to a mutually loving relationship. Another idea for now? You could, of course, just casually date them both. Even a better idea? Why don't you could spend more time getting to know both of them before choosing one as the better fit for your life, which, of course, would be a principle of dating and using your head in the process of selecting the best woman for yourself. Go slow, take your time. Just stay real and honest with both women. Another suggestion I have: Without being too obvious...back away a bit from both of them discreetly. See which one is genuinely more accepting and respectful of giving you, your space..the one that isn't clinging. That is the one you will want because that tells you she is strong, got her act together and she can function in her daily life without having to desperately attach herself to you. She will know that having a great life for herself is important and she won't be overly, focused about thinking on a relationship with you or getting upset because you haven't contacted her, all the time. Now...that is the best woman for you! lol Good luck dear and just enjoy.
A
female
reader, NJmomabear  +, writes (30 April 2007):
 God, its so hard to tell who is and isn't right for you. Sometimes that takes years to figure that out. But because there are emotions and expectations on the line, your forced to make this choice at the express lane check out line at the supermarket. I know. I've been there. I think you need to get your feet a bit wet to find out who lights your fire the most and who you are most compatible with. There has got to be something that will set them apart.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (30 April 2007):
 Hi sweetness,
Wow, you sound like such a nice guy (I mean it)... these girls are lucky to have you in the first place!! I think Rammsteinfan had a great idea with her suggestion of writing a list. In your particular situation, I think you need to go about choosing in the old fashioned way.
What you need is some good, untainted thinking time. I think you owe it to these girls to make a decision quickly, because no one likes being kept in suspense.
You don't have anything to feel guilty about. I think you're being a gentleman in the situation you've found yourself in. Yes, someone will walk away feeling bad... but not as bad as they'll feel if you drag out making a decision. When you do decide, make sure you tell the girl that you really enjoyed her company and you had a lot of fun getting to know her. Try and end your relationships with smiles, and be glad that you got the opportunity to meet each other.
I wish you the best of luck. It's a bummer of a situation, but I think you'll be okay. Good luck, sweetness!
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, rammsteinfan +, writes (30 April 2007):
 Your story reminds me of a song that I heard long ago.."Torn Between Two Lovers"! One thing that I can say to you is that you sound like a very respectful guy. And you respected those 2 women by not sleeping with them as soon as you met them.
What you could do is make a list, one for each woman..writing down what you like about them. Check and compair each list to the other and see which one has more of the qualities you like your lady to have. You might feel more connected to one more than the other. And then pray to the Lord before you go to sleep at night, to show you which woman would make a relationship that will last forever. He will put it in you heart which would be the right choice!
I hope this helps you somewhat! I know that making lists helps...even though mine was for choosing a career. But praying to God helps...He lead me in the right direction on the BEST relationship of my life!!
The first right choice that you made was to get into a fitness routine!! Taking good care of yourself will help you be able to take care of your future family. Good luck to you and yours!!!
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