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female
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anonymous
writes:HiOk so...let me start at the begining...I've been engaged for 3 years...living with my fiancee.I'm home alot as I'm disabled, and he works crazy hours so we barely see eachother.I recently made a Myspace page in order to talk to my brother, who lives pretty far away from me. and I got contacted by a man who lives in New Zealand. I live in the states..Anyway, we started chatting on and off and he gave me his phone number. For the past two nights I've been chatting with him. He is very blunt about the fact that he finds me attractive, (My voice, my Myspace pics) and I've never had anyone who seems so....exotic to me, profess to care for me.I've not taken it further, as in given him MY phone number or anything, and I don't encorage him when he flirts w/ me, I usually just laugh it off and change the subject...I'm just afraid that because I DO find him attractive that I will let my hormones and emotions get the better of me and ruin what I have with my fiancee whom I do love very much...But I don't want to have to stop speaking to my myspace friend as I do enjoy his company...Is it wrong for me to talk to another man? I have no intentions of cheating on my fiancee...Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007): If you don't want to sound mean, but you want to make it clear enough that you won't go further, just simply don't react to his flirts. I'm not saying ignore his flirts. Just act humbly and modestly. Over time, he may lose interest and stop flirting with you, possibly even get the hint that you are indeed quite in love with your soon to be hubby and that's that. If he confronts you with questions in the future, you can also tell him that you would like to remain friends with him, etc and you can explain how you feel about your hubby, what he does that make you tick, etc, etc. Even if he tries to counter it... Ah nevermind. Feels like I'm not making any sense, though that is what I would do and have done and has worked before.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk guys/girls..
thanks for the input..I really do appriciate it..
I decided to come clean to my fiancee...I told him I was chatting with this other man, that he had called me, and that he's showing himself to be interested in me.
I told my fiancee that I do find him attractive also, but that I would never cheat, and I just enjoy talking to him.
Surprisingly he told me he trusts me completely and that he has no problem with me talking to him so long as there are boundaries. He even went so far as to say he understood what this other man was feeling because he finds me just as beautiful...I am in shock..
Ok so, I have decided to put my foot down with the Myspace man as well...I need to tell him to stop flirting with me and just be my friend...if he gets upset and cannot do that, thus ending our friendship...well..that is his choice I suppose...
How do I tell him to stop without sounding mean tho?
Thanks
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A
female
reader, NJmomabear +, writes (30 April 2007):
 3 years is along time to be engaged...although what your doing is wrong, maybe somewhere in the back of your mind you know being engaged for 3 years isn't a great sign either.
If your doing this to fill the void your feeling...then what is your fiance doing to fill his?
Oh- and not to mention that guys myspace pics can be totally fake!
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A
female
reader, rammsteinfan +, writes (30 April 2007):
 I, too, have a Myspace page....I did this so I keep in touch with my family and close friends and post my artwork for my friends to see. I am in a very good relationship with a most wonderful man, and I don't need to talk to another man, either in person or online.
My guy would be have his feelings hurt if he saw that I was chatting online with other guys. He would probably not trust me at all....and I would hate to lose him because of that!
You stated that you do find him attractive and that you are afraid that your hormones and emotions will get the best of you and possibly ruin what you have with your fiance! By you saying that....I think that you should get out FAST before anything does happen! You don't really know if this man has a wife or he is playing you. He could be someone who has made a fake Myspace profile to to fool unsuspecting women. And NEVER EVER give your address or phone number out to someone you just met, that is dangerous!! When ever I get an invite from a guy I don't know on myspace...I delete it proto! Of course I have a couple of famous people (a comedian and a musician) I don't want to jepardize what I have (which took me a long time to find my heart!!!)
Right now you have a man who loves you dearly and is working hard at his job for the both of you. I think if the shoe was on the other foot you would be heart-broken to find out that your guy was talking and flirting with a very attractive woman online. You would feel as if he was cheating on you.
Get out while you still have a chance of keeping your relationship intact!! And by all means....delete the other guy's profile from your friend's list!!!
And if you want to....send me a private message here, and I will give you my page on Myspace if you want...
God Bless you and your fiance!!! I care...let me know what happens!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007): wow, ok first of all, Yes it is very wrong because you are saying in your question that you don't want to let your emothions get the best of you. If you love your fiancee, then you would have stopped this guy from even saying things like that to you. I mean it is ok to have guy friends but no if them guy friends are hinting on you. Thats no cool at all. Imagine how you would feel if it was the other way around. How would you take it
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female
reader, Sissy 04 +, writes (30 April 2007):
OK, put your self in his shoe's, if you were to come home and find him/her talking to someone on myspace what would you feel like. And no you may not want to cheat on your love one but, You should really think how you would feel about it
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007): hi,
just wanted to let you know that it is not wrong to talk to another man while you are engaged to another. the question that you have to ask yourself is if it is okay to keep this friendship that you have developed with this other man a secret from the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with.
i have been in your fiance's situation. the man that i have been with for nearly nine years hid a friendship that he had with one of his female co-workers from me for close to a year. although there was nothing more than friendship between them, i can't begin to tell you how hurt i was when i found out about her.
please tell your fiance about your friend and reassure him that he is the only one for you. just remember that the attraction you feel for your friend is just a passing thing. good luck and thank your lucky stars that you have the good man that you have.
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