A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have had a dilemma with my current partner over my penis size for over 7 months now. Basically, I'm 41 and divorced, and met a gorgeous tall 39 y.o. blonde about 9 months ago who is rather inexperienced but loves sex. We are VERY compatible in that way. She has had 4 partners before me (I'm very confident of that being her real number), but the last guy before me who was a friend with benefits, was about 9 inches long, and pretty thick from what I can tell from the little she described. THe other guys she was with were about my size she says. I'm about 6 inches and pretty thick, although I never measured girth. She is pretty open about things IF I ask questions, but she downplays her sexual past a lot...saying he was uncomfortably large, and even painful in certain positions. She said size is overrated, there is such a thing as "too big", sex with him was routine, not satisfying and he never made her cum. Problem is, I accidentally stumbled on some old E-mails of hers (written about a year before I met her) where she was telling a female friend that she couldn't get enough of him, and that she loved riding him, having him pull her hips down on his cock and feeling it fill her completely. She also said he spoiled her for all other guys. Well...needless to say, that has made me koo-koo in the cabesa a bit and really made me wonder...is she lying? She did admit that his size was the only thing he had going for him...which also makes me think she enjoyed it more than she's letting on. She says I'm perfect for her, a perfect fit, that I'm the only guy to make her cum (with my fingers and tongue...she is not a vaginal sex cummer)but as happy as she is with our lovemaking, and as convinced as I am that I'm the best LOVER she's had, I can't help but feel like I'm not the wildest sex she's had. She tells me during sex how she loves how I fill her up, but in reading her E-mail...it seems she's used to a lot more "filling", so how can this be? She says I'm 100 times the lover he was, and the best sex she's had, but it's hard to know how much she is hiding or making up. It kills me that even though I touch her more deeply on an emotional level, theres a guy out there who has touched her more deeply on a physical level. She says I'm totally the one and she wants to get married and have sex every day the rest of our lives. I know it's crazy to let 2-3 inches difference do this to myself...especially since I know I'm not small, but average. It affected me so much for a while, I had a hard time maintaining an erection. It's all good now, but the thought of this big-dicked adonis fucking her good makes me queasy with jealousy. I have talked it through with her many times, but I stopped for fear of seeming insecure about it. So...based on this, do you feel she's hiding a lot? My guess is she had some fun with that guy, but loves me and my abilities more. AS she says " the whole package"
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divorce, erection, friend with benefits, her ex, insecure, jealous, my penis, penis size, sexual past, vagina Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Cherry_Blossom99  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 Trust me, she may have enjoyed it with her ex, but there really can be down sides to being too big as she's said!! You should hear what she says abotu you to her friends now :) x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): Hi there, relax. Many girls use over-size dildo too...should we get jealous of plastic now? No way.
Did that big dick guy earn even half as much as you? I bet no. Btw, your gf looks like a very materialistic woman, so I am bringing up money. She won't go away till your bank and credit card is intact. If you lose them, suddenly she will find your size smaller. It will amaze you.
So if you really want to test her love, tell her that some of your major investments have gone bust and your house/wealth is at risk. Maintain this for a week. Her reaction will show you if she really loves you. I am not sure she does.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 "I'm a bit overly self conscious about size, performance, her past lovers, etc"
You're a lot more than that unfortunately, you're obsessively jealous about it.
Jealousy causes our brains to misfire in all sorts of ways. Yours is causing you to go crazy about something that doesn't matter at all to your girlfriend. You are obsessing that it matters to her, when in actual fact it only matters to you. But your jealousy is clouding your judgment.
First thing: stop asking questions, and stop snooping. You may have been innocently working on her PC, but frankly I don't believe you. There was without question a desire to snoop and find out more about her past. A past that's just driving you nuts.
Next thing: believe her! Believe her answers: And count yourself fortunate that at your age you've met a gorgeous woman that has such a trivial sexual history (4 men).
Lastly: promise yourself you'll let go of this. The only way to make the problem go away is for you to stop thinking about this. Enjoy the relationship, enjoy the sex. If you keep thinking about it, you'll end up with nothing (you'll drive her crazy and she'll leave). That would be tragic.
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (18 May 2010):
 dude! those were written before you ever banged her, maybe she did love it, how do you know she isnt texting or telling the same thing about you to her friend? plus what girls chat about shit like that? Ive never been lucky enough to accidently log into my partners email account and find anything that good? what gives? is her friend single? Maybe your thicker then that dude? who cares about 9inches? all thats good for is locker room show! I wouldnt want to bottom out during every position! your upset that you cant make it painful by bumping into things during sex?good god! come on now!
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (18 May 2010):
 What about the women you've slept with? Some must have been shorter/tighter than her! Does this make a difference in how much you love her or the extent you enjoy sex with her? Do you compare their vaginal sizes to hers? What about the women with bigger breasts than her - can she measure up to the huge mellons you've had in your face?
The past is the past...yes she had great sex with him. He filled her up, she loved the sensation & had a blast doing it...at times it might even have been uncomfy with certain positions. However, that relationship did not last. If she was just after penis size & judged men as a whole based on their penis size; than she would be one shallow person.
You are smaller than him, but she enjoys the sex more. its a comfier fit...a better fit for her body which is more enjoyable. Take what she says to heart. She's with you for more than 30 minutes of fun in bed.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): The reason I found the e-mail was becuase she had issues with her E-mail account and I was working on her PC. I went to clean up some old files and there it was.I really do believe she's a bit turned off by large penises. She has some vibes, and they are all smallish. When we've watched porn, she cringes at the sight of the big ones. When I mentioned the e-mail to her, she said it was really the one-upsmanship since her girlfriend was braging about her hung black lover. So I'm inclined to believe her. I'm admittedly also a bit naive about this stuff. I'm just getting out of a 20 year relationship so this is the first time I've had sex with someone different in a LONG time...so I'm a bit overly self conscious about size, performance, her past lovers, etc.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 Well, sounds like those emails were a direct hit on a very common insecurity.
I guess there are two ways you can go here. I've probably seen this question answered a thousand times here on DC, and 99% of the women said size wasn't important -- for all the reasons she's given you. So you can certainly conclude from that that it's a conspiracy amongst women to protect our oh so fragile egos, and that only one percent of the women answered honestly ...
Or -- you're offering her what she wants, and she's being sincere with you that you have nothing to worry about.
Look, I completely understand where you're coming from, and I'm grateful that I'm not in a position to be compared. But it's like the questions from the gals about breast size -- they're more hung up on that than the vast majority of guys. We're more hung up about penis size than the vast majority of gals. Your hang up is far more likely to cause problems in the relationship than your size.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): you tow have poor boundaries. What are you doing with her emails and why is she telling you every details of her sexual past. You are too focused on this stuff to create a lasting and trust based relationship, very immature, good luck!
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