A
male
age
36-40,
*law123
writes:Been through a crazy love story and seem not to be able to give up. Even friends and family hope it works out. I'm 25 and met this girl through her sister a couple yrs back she had a long distance relationship of 5 yrs and she is 2 yrs older than me. We became fast friends and even faster lovers within a month we were inseparable spending all day everyday together. She is from a small town and everyone thought she marry her bf we sneak around town to places no one went and even used her sister as a way to hangout without people knowing. Eventually she told me she was in love with me began to cry and broke up with her bf. He flew in a month later and begged her to move in with him to try to make it work. She called me at 4 am and left by 5am. Said she had to try n hoped I understood I wrote her a letter telling her to go see if she had feelings for him and if she really loved me I would be here waiting. Well 3 weeks later she booked me a flight to come help her move back! I drove her and her dog across the country :) we were so in love. When we got back a couple months later The word got out how we met and she became paranoid and we broke up. A month went by and next thing you know we were back at it sneaking around for another yr. I couldn't get her to bring me out with her or hangout with her friends. She got a new job and we hungout less n less and talked less n less and now she said we should never speak again n she is seeing other guys going out public. I don't know what to do I love her so' much and can't move on bc I know if she just say screw what everyone thinks we would work. Any advice will help I can't give up :(
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broke up, long distance, move on Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Hlaw123 +, writes (11 January 2011):
Hlaw123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again. I'm going to read that book too. Goodluck to you as well.
A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (10 January 2011):
I meant to say if she does contact you keep the conversation pleasant and do not bring up the past. You must move at her pace but do not give her all of you. If she says she will call you back wait for her to, do not call first etc.
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A
male
reader, Hlaw123 +, writes (10 January 2011):
Hlaw123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much. I know I haven't made all the right moves so I hope it's not too late either. But I will take you up on your advice and go from there. I just hope she doesn't move on 2 months is a long time.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (9 January 2011):
That is the problem. No woman wants to have a man wrapped completely around her finger. We want a strong man that can say NO. We respect that. The worse thing you could ever do is smother a woman. I have had that done to me and really it is an act of selfishness. It was great you told her to go and see if she had feelings for her ex. That was an excellent move because you did not beg or cry etc. You showed her you were putting her feelings above your own. Now you must do that again. It may be too late but I say try anyway. What you need to do is relax and enjoy life without her. You can't be her friend realistically. Just be cordial to her if she contacts you. Do not contact her! You will kill any chance of getting her back. You may contact her in about two months when things have died down but not sooner. Just text her asking how she is doing. The key is to move slowly after the first contact. Pursue her without her realizing it at first. You should buy the book "How to get my lover back," by Blase (forget the last name) M.D. The book is great and I still reference it from time to time because I am trying to get back with my ex
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A
male
reader, Hlaw123 +, writes (9 January 2011):
Hlaw123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe drove her car she just wanted me there with her. N she was paranoid about everyone hating her and loosing her friends. Plus we went out places and she was worries about me getting jumped which almost happened. It has gone on for 2 yrs but guess it was a habit. N she does have me wrapped i can't argue that.
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A
male
reader, Hlaw123 +, writes (9 January 2011):
Hlaw123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes people look at her in a negative light and all her friends bf and husbands r friends with her ex so it's just a bad situation. She told me she just wasn't in love with me anymore n I told her it's kinda hard when we don't go anywhere besides a hotel room. We were making out and everything that night and the next couple nights. Then on Xmas eve she said that we have no future and I didn't speak to her for a 2 weeks and we text back n forth but she seems to just be friends idk y the sudden change. Yea i feel like when she came over the couple nights I smothered her. I wanna leave her alone for but I'm afraid that will be just it n she's my best friend it's hard for us not to talk.
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A
male
reader, Hlaw123 +, writes (9 January 2011):
Hlaw123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with you on many levels. I wish I could of taken back the way we met. N karma definitely has played it's role and I even would like to apologize to he guy I'm sure he is a good guy. Thanks for your opinion
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 This is certainly a `crazy love story'. Outside of a witness protection program, I can't understand why anyone wanting a serious and healthy relationship would be sneaking around town to meet. The moment people found out about you and her being together, she became paranoid and you broke up. What was she really paranoid about? It seems that this started off as something fun and exciting, but ended up just a habit. I am not sure.
She seems to have had (and perhaps still has) you wrapped around her finger. You wrote "I drove her and her dog across the country :) we were so in love" which I read as YOU were in love and she needed transport.
You are right that if you want a successful relationship, then she needs to forget everyone else and what they may or may not be thinking or saying and just get on with it.
This really isn't fair on you.
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A
male
reader, airwaterearthfirebender  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 You were with a woman who was cheating on her boyfriend. What did you expect? Face it, you got what you deserved. You went around thinking you're all that sexing it up and 'sneaking' around with a woman who was involved with someone else. What does that tell you about her character? What does it tell you about yourself having knowingly helped her to cheat? Are you proud of that?The irony is that while she was cheating with you, subconsciously and/or consciously she probably thought you as a scumbag and not a worthy long term partner, exactly because you were knowingly cheating with her. She offered her vagina and you were simply blinded by pussy. Did an ethical or moral dilemma ever enter your mind throughout all your trysts?Aside from what you did as being morally and ethically appalling, at least in my opinion, there is something else that people seldom think about when it comes to cheating and that is this --- by default you've chosen to put yourself in a position of weakness and powerlessness. I mean look at you, reading between the lines, sounds like you were on a high doing all that cheating. It felt like one big thrill, right? But look at you, you had to scamper about like a rat that nobody wanted to be seen with. Choosing to be involved with a cheating person, you were not accepted into her public world, you relegated yourself to being a lower class citizen. Yet it's almost like you didn't know it because you were getting some action...blinded by pussy. When it came to her reconnecting with her real boyfriend, you said by all means go give him another whirl while you waited and he laid her some more pipe for good old times while you played second fiddle once again by choice and had to scurry back to your hole and wait. While you thought you were the man in that you were confident she was going to come back for you, the reality again was that you were powerless. After all, he was her real legitimate boyfriend, not you the behind the scenes boy toy whose face could only be seen behind closed doors and who eventually caused the ostracization of even her. While I'm not going to harp on it, you getting involved with someone already involved and then this episode, there are those that would question your self esteem. So you may have gotten some tail, but it cost you your dignity. If that doesn't bother you and you couldn't care to regain it (that is to change your ways going forward), then you may be a lost cause in that there is no helping you. Hopefully that is not the case. Your ultimate downfall was that you were a fool and ended up falling for her. Part of me thinks maybe you were truly naive and simply lacked the understanding of what you were getting involved in. If Karma only worked half as good as it did in your situation then the world would truly be a better place...lol. Try not to take what I said too harshly as I think when you look back on it you will look on it as a big learning experience that will hopefully allow you to see the error of your ways and, thus, develop in character. On another note, you hopefully exposed your 'woman' as a no good cheater to her long term boyfriend, but who knows. She may have dumped him with him not knowing her as a cheater, but the fact that she dumped him was a gift in that he is no longer with her. Better it happened now and not later with a marriage or children with which to contend. Of course, what to do with her...absolutely nothing. Get over it and move on. Consider yourself fortunate that she has released you from your own naivete. Take only the lessons learned, or at least some of what I've tried to inform you of here. She is not worthy of a relationship and, thus, you as well by default. Were you wiser going in you would have never gotten involved with her to begin with. If my advice to you was not genuine and I was a real prick, then I would tell you to go after her because you both are fit for one another. The relationship is tainted, it's done, there's no going back IMO. Sure, it can happen, but why would you want it to? You would probably end up breaking up all over again anyway. Worse, you might wake up 15 years too late after a long crappy haul and realize that the basis of your relationship was a farse and you can't believe you settled for it for this long. Conduct yourself more honorably going forward and I'm sure you will attract someone worthy of not having you scamper about...if you get what I mean.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (9 January 2011):
Hi. I am confused. Why is she still hiding you? You said some people found out she was cheating on her first BF? This is a small town you said, would that make people look at her in a negative light? Just from what you wrote I would say respect her and do not contact her. Literally go out and have fun no need to make her jealous or anything. She has to come back to you on her own time. The worst thing you could do is push her. Were you overwhelming toward her? Smothering? I am not sure why she decided you two should never speak again. Are her feelings not the same? Please elaborate I would like to help you.
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