A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im curious to know what the difference is between your celebrity crushes and the feeling you have for your boyfriend. I know everyone is attracted to other people, but to what extent? I mean, you'll gush over whomever the actor may be, be it orlando bloom or ryan gosling or something, and never really talk that way about your guy. I mean do you like them more but does the fact that they're famous and out of reach cause you to settle with a normal when its really them you want? I guess Im wondering how your celebrity crush would stand up to your boyfriend if the choice had to be made...
View related questions:
crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 July 2012):
 The crush is based on a projection of what you hope the celeb is like. Let's take George Cluny. He's handsome, successful, seems suave and polished and appears to be living a jetsetter life with whatever he needs at his fingertips. He looks like he smells nice too. So the fantasy is that he's also charming and nice and thoughtful and will match up to his image.
In matter of fact, he may be a selfish prima donna with an overinflated view of his influence, he may actually smell really bad and he forgets to floss so his breath stinks. Oh and maybe he smokes so he smells like a dirty ashtray. He never buys anything for anyone because he doesn't have to, so he's a stingy guy and leaves behind a wake of disappointed waiters and bartenders.
Obviously, I don't know George Cluny in the slightest and whatever I wrote, i made up. It's more fun to assume the good stuff in a celeb, though when they crash and burn, as Hugh Grant did with the prostitute, it can be very entertaining. Though I have to admit, Hugh was one celeb I liked the look of and it was disappointing he was just a bloke who was willing to pay for sex.
So the crush is more about the longing for an ideal, whatever that ideal may be, and the notion that a prince charming will come by and swoop you up.
The celeb is just the screen we project our fantasies onto, and it helps that it starts with a good looking person.
I get the sense that you are threatened by this in a fundamental way.
The thing about a boyfriend is that you get to know him really well. You find out he's really good at tennis but can't fold underwear to save his life. He has a way of whistling when he's concentrating that's simultaneously endearing and maddening. He makes a distinctive face when he's about to... oh never mind. The point is that with a real person, you love the quirks and individuality and there's a deep and resonating bond that cannot be described with words. Even if he exasperates you from time to time. He's human, after all, just as his girlfriend is.
So if I had to choose between George Cluny and my husband? No contest. My guy is tried and true and George seems to be a gadabout. Though it is fun to consider what staying in the Lake Como house would be like.... just a fantasy, you see. Just a fantasy.
If you are with a girl who would drop you in a heartbeat for a guy she doesn't know, you are dating a groupie. Maybe it's time to find a new girlfriend.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (20 July 2012):
Oh and I just wanted to add, just because girls find some celebrities good looking doesn't mean they require their boyfriend to look like that. There is no contest because there is no comparison.
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (20 July 2012):
As a teen I had my share of celebrity crushes. Or more accurately, character crushes. I watched movies and TV series and thought a certain character was hot and attractive, but mostly because of the way it's written. That's how my celeb crushes worked. I never fancied Brad Pitt for example, but I liked some of his characters. I went crazy over Jensen Ackles, but only because of the character he played in a TV show. It's the image that gets to people, not the real person behind it (because we don't know them.)
Real love is so different it's not even on the same frequency. When I have a boyfriend, I love him and only him. You have to understand, OP. Girls like to 'fangirl' over characters and people. It's harmless fun for them, a subject to talk about with their friends. I'm 24 and I think Chris Hemsworth is a hot looking guy. Does that mean I'm in love with him? Of course not. It just means I appreciate beauty (as it is in my preference). It's stands separately from the love and attraction I have for my boyfriend.
Also, and this is something a lot of people forget, girls can be as big a fan of female celebs as they can of male celebs. When I was 10 and saw the movie Entrapment with Catherine Zeta Jones I thought I just witnessed the most beautiful human being on the planet. I'm not a lesbian. I just appreciate beauty when I see it. No more, no less.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 July 2012):
 Celebrity crush is a fantasy, just with a certain person in mind. How you love/care for your BF is infinitely more deep and different.
The latter it's about his body, heart and soul.
The celebrity it's it "idea" of a character, so make believe.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): It's a fantasy the same as you may have for a certain car, or the MVP in your favourite sports team or if you're religious then it's the same as your love for your deity. It's the same as any passion you may have for any object. A celebrity is just an object, a persona, something that makes you feel good to fantasize about. You must have some object you really love as a passion. To me it's soccer and the best players on my team when they make my team win, that's a passion and a love that's very strong but it's something separate you know?
It's the same thing really.
No choice would ever have to be made OP that's the whole point. The best part of the fantasy is that she'll never have it ruined by actually meeting those guys and realizing they're not some ethereal being they're just another random dude who farts, picks his nose and scratches his arse like the rest of us hehe.
I used to work in a job where I got to meet lots of musicians and famous rock stars. More than once I brought my girlfriend in so she could meet some of these guys and it was just a rush meeting them for her but that rush then was directed at me. That great feeling she got from meeting them translated into affection and excitement that she shared with me, not them. I will never be able to compete with the mystery and buzz she got from just meeting a star for 5 minutes of small talk but those guys didn't stand a chance of competing against the deep love she has for me and all that we are. Celebs are novelty items nothing more that are better as a fantasy and really don't hold a candle to a real partner.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 July 2012):
 Ya know to me they are eye candy... crushes are just about the public persona... and until you get to be old enough to realize that they are just people and not perfect, you have them on a pedestal.
Once you realize they put their pants on the same way we do, it becomes easier... all we see of stars are the good things...
we are not SETTLING for normal... NORMAL is what we get... we know we can't have the stars.. not even sure if we really want them.... but hey candy is candy... it's nice once in a while but not a daily diet of it...
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (20 July 2012):
 With a celebrity, it is a crush. A crush is an intense and usually short-lived infatuation with someone. The feeling for your boyfriend hopefully is more than infatuation. It should be a deeper attraction and caring based on more than just looks and achievements. The relationship with your boyfriend should be growing, if it is a good one, and you will recognize that the feelings for him will grow stronger and deeper over time. You will look up to him for the thoughtful things he does, the way he treats you, the things he does for you, his worth ethic, etc. This type of relationship can't be developed with a celebrity, so the feelings don't grow or go anywhere.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): I'm not a girl but I do have an opinion so here goes...
A celebrity crush is just fantasy, a typical case of people wanting what they can't have.
A particular celebrity maybe handsome/pretty, obviously rich, famous, popular and appear to have all the resources you could want to live a easy and happy lifestyle (I say lifestyle by the way because celebrities are rarely happy in life despite what they have, their smiles are usually just for show)
All the above things look attractive to people and its easy to say "Oh he/she is definitely ideal marriage material etc etc"
In reality though, its love and respect and admiration of a deeper kind that people feel for their partner and that is real and not a fantasy.
Its the single people in life who live in fantasy worlds that I would be concerned about, as its those people who will to no end lust after a celebrity all their life and actually ignore real people and never settle down and be happy because nobody else is good enough for them. And in extreme cases they become dangerously obsessed with a celebrity.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 July 2012):
 A celebrity crush is more like an admiration for an "ideal". It's different from feelings for your boyfriend because you know that you'd never actually date the celebrity. The celebrity is like the 4 carat diamond ring in the locked case, or the Ferrari at the auto show, or the multimillion dollar yacht or mansion you read about in exposes on the rich and famous.
What makes a celebrity crush a celebrity crush is that he's unobtainable. The media has made them larger than life, seemingly perfect, flawless, and so on.
I don't understand your question at the end about a "choice". Are you saying that in order to date, she can't have a celebrity crush, or are you asking if she'd drop her boyfriend if she were able to have the celebrity crush in real life? I didn't understand.
I know that when women meet a real guy who rocks their world, we DO gush about him all over the place. As time goes on, those initial exhilerating feelings mellow into a deeper love that's less on "gush" and more on actual love. The guy is no longer on a pedestal, and that's okay.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): If I had to chose between my celebrity crush and my boyfriend, I would chose my boyfriend everytime no question. A celebrity crush is more the fact that you know what he looks like, but you can imagine his personality, so you can imagine him in a way that he has no annoying habbits, and is a perfect gentleman always, the truth of the matter is that faced with the real person, he obviously would have bad habbits and has his own personality, which generally is never what you imagine it to be. With my boyfriend he is the man I have chosen to be with, he has his own personality and he has his own faults (we all do) but I love him for all of who he is. Basically a celebrity crush is purely a physical attraction, and we all know that in real life women want much more. I wouldn't risk my life to save a celebrity crush, but I would risk my life to save my boyfriend because I love him, he makes me laugh and makes me want to be the best I can be, I would do anything for him. If I had to chose my choice would always be my boyfriend, no matter what I might say about how good looking a celebrity crush might be, my boyfriend has my heart and he would always win in that contest.
...............................
|
