A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a first grade teacher who found myself attracted to the father of one of my students. He has shared custody of his son and is quite involved in his son's life. However, he maintains almosts zero communication with his ex. I maintained a professional relationship with both of them up until a few months ago. He chaperoned a class trip and we spoke during the entire bus ride. The chemistry was undeniable and I couldn't help but send him a subtle text expressing my interest. Originally, we agreed to just be friends until his son was out of my class, but we simply couldn't fight our feelings for one another. To my surprise, our relationship blossomed into the most captivating, influential, romantic, mind-blowing relationship I've ever had in my entire life. We are engaged to be married now and the school year is not even over yet. We'd like to marry in the summer but don't want it to seem too obvious we were seeing each other all this time. When he was with his ex, she asked him to marry her on 3 different occasions and he turned her down. She's bitter about how things turned out between them and will be pissed to hear that he got married, especially to me. What should we do? I know it seems unethical to date a parent, but this is my soulmate. I've never felt a love like this before. What could the consequences be for my job if it leaks that we were together while his son was in my class? Should we wait another year to marry so that it doesn't look too obvious? Should there be an attempt on our parts to cultivate a friendly relationship with his ex in order to create a better outcome on a whole? Or are we living in lala land, hoping she will even be receptive to our attempts? We really don't want to wait another year to get married. I don't think my job would be at stake. Even if we did marry this summer, they couldn't prove that we started seeing each other before his son was out of my class. Couldn't we have started dating in the summer and fell head over heels in love, therefore marrying by August? What should we do? Honest replies please.
View related questions:
engaged, his ex, soulmate, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your positive responses. We are definitely planning to marry this summer. He agrees that it would be pointless to try to cultivate a friendly relationship with her. I understand that viewpoint, but I would really like for us all to have a functional healthy relationship. I guess I can only wait it out....it would have to be up to her. Maybe in time she'll come around....although it seems doubtful. I also want this to be a smooth transition for his son. He obviously doesn't know yet, nor do we have any intention of revealing this relationship until the summer. During that time, we intend on spending a lot of time together. His son lives with him half the time so we want to make this transition as comfortable and natural for him as possible. I'm hoping that for the benefit of his son, his ex would at least try to be positive about it in front of him. I don't want it to get ugly. As an early childhood teacher, my main concern is for his son.
A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (1 April 2010):
 Yes by all means marry, if hes the one then hes the one...end of story.
However developing a relationship with his ex is pointless, if she wants him then she will never accept you.
More important is his Son. Dont try to force this relationship, just be friendly and helpful and he will come around...it make take a few years though
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 April 2010):
It's legal, and you shouldn't have any problems with your job.
...............................
A
female
reader, WiseAngela23 +, writes (1 April 2010):
Absolutely not. There is no law telling you that you cannot marry a students father. No law can stop you from spending the rest of your life with someone you love.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 April 2010):
 I don't think there is any law which forbids the marrying of one of your student's dad and your job is not at stake.
If you are still unclear, you could consult your department of education to verify matters.
It just happens that his son is one of your students.
You may try to cultivate a friendly relationship with the ex but I think that is an exercise in futility.Just be civil to her.
...............................
A
female
reader, RainStorm  +, writes (1 April 2010):
I would just get married in the summer, people do get married after knowing each other just few weeks/months so sure that would work.
...............................
|
