A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I have found white, milky hard gunk all over my comforter. I suspect my spouse and cleaning lady had oral sex. You see my spouse and I have had no sex of any kind -not even oral sex for 3 years or more. When he drinks alcohol, he blanks out afterward and claims he remembers nothing. he is a diabetic, on oxygen and claims that he can't have any sex at all. I will not do oral sex. Is it possible that what is all over the comforter semen and can it be tested for same. I want out of this marriage in the worst way I have had no sex nor do I masturbate and ache all the time for sex. Please please let me know what my options are.thank you.[Moderator note: Poster, could you verify your gender, you are listed as a 60+ male here. Thanks!]
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dorothy2342 +, writes (11 December 2009):
 I gave a brief answer before about identifing the substance and did not address the issues of your marriage. I don't know how long you were married or how long you had an active sex life, but I believe sex sould strengthen the bond between a husband and wife. All sexual activity between you should be directed to satisfing each other. You can have gratifying orgasms without intercourse. If you say you have not had sex with him for three years and you are unhappy, he is most likely unhappy too if you believe him unfaithful then maybe ya'll should consider divorce, talk to him about it. My advice to you is get over yourself, oral sex can be extremely satisfing for you both. So is masturbation to each other and yourself. If he can no longer have intercorse with you and you need that release then let him use a dildo on you or let him watch you use it on yourself. I am not writing this to be lude, crude or rude, but sex is important in a marriage and you should learn how to please each other. Maybe you need to grow up in your head and rearrange your priorities. I wish you much success in your marriage.
A
female
reader, dorothy2342 +, writes (1 December 2009):
Use a black light to see if it illuminates. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 August 2009):
 A comforter is a duvet, a bedspread, FYI. Poster, have you had a chance to think about our input?
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A
female
reader, kayla20  +, writes (21 August 2009):
 leave if your not happy find someone that can satisfy you in all aspects.usually if you suspect cheating 95% of the time they are dont worry about getting it tested i mean what else is it going to be on your comforter
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (21 August 2009):
 What is a comforter over in the States? Its a childs dummy here, a soother? If thats what it is, thats all wrong???? :o/
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Use a fluorescent black light to check your stains but I don't think it's semen.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Can_you_detect_semen_with_blacklight
http://chemistry.about.com/cs/howthingswork/f/blblacklight.htm
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): I agree - who CARES if it's semen... You're unhappy in a sexless marriage, your married to a blackout drunk... bye-bye... go get a no fault divorce, and GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. You'd be better off getting a nanny-cam and getting video of him getting a blow job. Maybe he's just jacking off on your stuff out of spite.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Well, maybe my hub's semen is different, but it doesn't dry hard and gunky. Also, if your hub was cheating on youm I almost gaurantee he would have cleaned up afterward, or she would have swallowed.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 August 2009):
I think there are tests you can buy to do an at-home mini forensic assay on the gunk. Googling "home testing for semen" leads to quite a few sites selling such kits.
The problem is the gunk could well be semen, but was produced by masturbation, not infidelity. So all you've proven, if it is semen, is that semen got on the comforter, not HOW it got there.
Why do you need to find evidence of infidelity to end the marriage? If you are so miserable, he probably is miserable as well. It can't be a great life, being ill enough to need oxygen and having diabetes on top of it. I imagine at some point in many marriages, there comes a time when one spouse is too ill for sexual activity. Sounds like yours is now. I could imagine not having sex for 3 years would be a huge problem. So I guess you have to decide how you go about either repairing the marriage or consult a divorce attorney to figure out how to end it. Be careful that anger doesn't lead you to poor judgment.
Take care.
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