A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My parents are fighting all the time. My mom says she's mad because her mother in law is mean to her and may dad says he's mad because he feels unappreciated. I think they might split up and we might move. I have friends and I don't want to lose any more friends. I want to do something but I don't know what to do. Can someone please help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): I know how you feel - At your age my parents fought alot too and looking back I think that it was primarily due to issues related to having young kids and all the fear that goes with it. My folks worked hard, but when I was that age they were not yet making enough money so that they could know that the future would be OK. It was, and they never did get divorced, but there were days when I *knew* it was hours away...
It's hard at your age to be able to know that reguardless of what the future brings that you'll be fine... people can tell you that, but when your in the middle of a storm, someone saying "this will pass" isn't exactly easy to embrace, but PLEASE know that it's true. I grew up very worried that something bad would happen to my mother (she had cancer when I was young, and in those days people usually died from it),my biggest fear was that if I was left to be raised by my father that I'd be in serious jepordy. Nothing happended, and nothing would have happedned if Mom had died... Dad would have figured it out and we'd been OK. We'd have had crappy taste in cloths, but we would have survived.
You're old enough where you have options - but I'd suggest talking to each of your parents and tell them how you feel, and your concerns. One thing that I have learned (and I wish someone would have told me at your age) is that talking about our fears is a GREAT way to make them smaller. I stuffed all mine for 6 to 8 years, and it's had an effect on me as an adult. I also STRONGLY suggest that if you ahve an aunt or an uncle that you feel close to, increase your contact with them... often I've found that this is a great source of not only comfort but insight. My uncles wife (remarried late in life) has become one of my favorite relatives and even in my 40's I *LOVE* talking to her. The cool thing is that as a "new commer" to the family, she had to do all her own "sleuthing" to figure out our won family and some of the stuff she's discovered is really interesting... like ALL FAMILIYS, we are a disfunctional lot... ours just has some odd (not sick) history...
Best wishes, and good luck- you'll do fine, and please know that you're NOT at all alone!
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