A
female
age
41-50,
*appygirl
writes:Question:I had 2 flings the past year that i was crazy about.So heres the pattern:1.They chase hard2. they get me3. I fall for them ...eventually it becomes sexual4. I think of them and want to get a lil serious 5. they get distant and pull away6. I get confused so i pull away7.I do my thing and forget about them...move on w/my life8. one to two months later,... they call me to see what's up10. by this time I'm over them...i ignore them. Someone..please tell me what's going on? What do they want from me? When I want them they don't want me.But then why do they come back and call like nothing happenend. Is it they want to be friends or stay in contact to have sex? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, nichiren +, writes (11 February 2009):
 communicate more.from what i see you have the traditional inefficient chase and conquer situation going on.get out of the mindset of the 'chase' and 'games' and get in the mindset of having an equal or close to equal partnership with someone.be more proactive instead of reactive.yes i know there are some men out there who are intimidated by a woman who meets them halfway. but for our modern society that works well because that is a part of the gender equality issue.if they pull away ask them why. talk to them. try to find a common ground. if there is none then let it go.about the sexual part, you said eventually.which means you are choosing to take your time.thing is it seems like you are not communicating effectively or meeting incompatible partners, or a bit of both.just try being more bold, more honest, and expanding your pool of potentials.
A
male
reader, tux +, writes (10 February 2009):
 They want the sex.. of course. You continue this cycle by doing the same steps.. Stop doing the same steps.. Maybe stop going for the ones who chase hard... or just maybe stop having sex with them until they become serious with you.
Why do they call back 2-3 months later? Because you are a booty call to them.. I bet if you didn't ignore them and said lets meetup.. they'd be expecting sex at the end of the night,.
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (10 February 2009):
 they chase you you give in, thats the problem, wait to get to know them better, till there is a solid connection and foundation, then take the next step, wait for them to ask you for an exclusive relationship, you shouldnt ask them, dont be so clingy early on, act more independent, wait till you both want the same thing
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