A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been on and off friends with benefits with a guy for 4 years. I've fallen in love with him and I told him in person. he said he likes me but can't commit to me because of his family situation as his family are not speaking to him. During this convo he started saying something was in his eye and started to rub it, it was like he was about to cry. I ended things and walked away from him . the question I have is did I do the right thing? or from his reaction was there something more than what meets the eye? could it of been his ego stopping him?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 February 2018):
 This is the thing with having casual sex, you need to be mentally prepared for it and not allow your emotions to get in the way. It is difficult and well having casual sex for four years is madness. Think of all them years wasted on this guy. One sided love is not fun and yes it does hurt. It is a shame it has taken you four years to do this, am guessing you kept hope that he has falling for you as well. You declare your love and he tells you he likes you? That says enough for me. Why would he not date you because he has had a fall out from his family? That makes no sense. Honestly to me it sounds like something did get in to his eye. I am glad you got the strengh to end things and walk away now do yourself a favor and keep walking. Of course you done the right thing you should not waste any more time having sex with a guy who is not going to offer you more. Want more for yourself. Set your standards higher.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2018): His ego isn't stopping anything. Snap-out of it, girlfriend!
You said you're in-love with him. He told you in a convoluted, upside-down, and roundabout-way; that he doesn't love YOU! Those lame-ass reasons he gave don't mean poop!!!
You need and deserve the complete package. Someone who cares about you as a person, willing to commit, and willing to share his life with you. Let him rub his eyes and dry his crocodile tears! He's just sees the honey-pot drying-up.
He only wants you to lie-back and spread-open. Nothing more!
Pardon my crudeness; but I have to be frank about it! You're all wrapped-up in your feelings for him. You stretched this whole FWB-arrangement out; thinking he'd be into you eventually.
Hon, his heart hasn't changed in FOUR years!
My dear, "man-tears" are a useful tool of a player. They conjure them up to get themselves out of a fix. Keep that in-mind for future reference. They're used to stun your intelligence and cause confusion, like the use of the L-word!
If he's in your age-group or older, that man is not concerned about what his family thinks. Unless he is an heir to a fortune, or his parents are die-hard religious fanatics who'll have him burned at the stake. He's a grown-man, and he makes his own decisions.
As previously mentioned. If he's Muslim or Hindu, you're considered impure. If you're non-Muslim, you're an infidel and not good enough to be presented to his parents; because you're not a virgin. Aside from the fact he doesn't love you. A fact that can't be dismissed.
He wants the hive's honey, but he doesn't want the queen bee.
Shutoff his supply and go find what you're looking for elsewhere. Too many young people get caught-up in futile infatuations insisting on trying to make people feel what they don't. All he wants from you is sex on-demand.
Accept the reality of things. Start detaching your feelings, and move on. Learn not to use your body like man-bait. If you get attached, you're not FWB-material. You tried to hook him with sex, but that's all he wanted.
Some guys will even go as far as to have sex with you for years; and not consider you good enough to be his woman. Just someone he uses to get-off. They don't have a molecule of respect for you; but they'll pretend they do.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 February 2018):
 if he cared about you, he wouldn't of been having meaningless sex with you for 4 years, you would be his girlfriend.
Simple as that, he is getting sex with no commitment and you've wasted 4 years of your life on it that you could if spent in a loving relationship with someone what wants you for more than the contents of your underwear.
Break it off, block the guy, move on.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 February 2018):
 You did the right thing by leaving because you were only supposed to have NO STRINGS ATTACHED sex. That's what it was for him, but you got attached and are projecting your hope on to him. I'm afraid you shouldn't enter something like that unless you're prepared to keep your emotional distance.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 February 2018):
 How could you even get the ego angle in here?! What ego could there possibly be in telling someone close to you that you love them? The simple fact is that he's just having sex with you and has zero romantic feelings for you. There is no love. There is not going to be any love.4 years is long enough to determine that. He's just lying to get out of an awkward situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2018): The fact it was ON and OFF further drives the point home that he doesn't care for you as deeply as you care for him.During the OFF times, he was having sex with others. When that well ran dry, he came back to you again. Sorry, sweetie. I know it's hard but his actions speak loud and clear and that excuse about his family? That's pretty lame. At least he could have had the decency to come up with something better!If you tell a man you love him and he says "I like you" or he won't say "I love you" back, then I'd say you have your answer as clear as day.You made the RIGHT decision. Please stay with it. Just be glad he didn't lie to you in order to keep you around. Some guys would say they love you!Don't let him use you anymore.You are still young and vibrant. You will find a new guy soon enough. But next time, don't enter into this kind of arrangement. It is emotionally destructive to women for the most part. Hold off on sex until you know he really does care about you as a person. Take care.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (6 February 2018):
 My grandmother used to always say "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free"??? He doesn't care about you enough to want to be in a relationship with you after 4 years? THINK ABOUT IT. He wants sex and you supply it and as long as you do that he'll keep you around. Push for more and he walks. Respect yourself enough to want MORE sweets. Cut all contact and leave him in the past.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 February 2018):
 No, I think not.
If he CARED about you in a deep or loving matter he wouldn't have kept the FWB going for 4 years! Come on, OP
Maybe it's your EGO that needs a checking out? You won't admit to yourself that this guy is in it for the NO STRINGS attached sex and therefore you are WASTING your BEST years on a a guy who REALLY isn't worth it.
LISTEN to what he said to you and GO by his ACTUAL action, not one little "I got something in my eye" crap.
His WORDS says - I DO NOT want to date you. I don't want to be in a RELATIONSHIP with you.
His actions - being FWB for 4 YEARS and NEVER suggesting to take it further shows that his ACTIONS and his words match!
You are DOING the right thing in walking away, unless you want to waste more time on someone who IS looking to have anything SERIOUS with you.
Think about it. 4 YEARS! Think about how many guys WHO would have liked to get to know you and eve date you, that you could have met in those 4 years?
Block him, delete his number and work on moving forward not stagnate with him in his tiny little puddle of "woe".
What on Earth does his family has to do with him dating you? Unless he is Muslim/Hindu and you are English...
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