A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and everything has been going well, until last month. We've been discussing a lot of changes in our relationship, where we want to live, what the plan is for the next few months etc. Anyway, we had a bit of an uncomfortable month, but things are going better. Anyway, during this month we stopped having sex completely - which is very unusual for us as we normally have it 5-7 times a week. We've had it once a couple of days ago and he now thinks everything is back to normal and he can go back to acting really sexual around me. But I feel different. I just don't want it anymore and he's made it clear that he was very unhappy with our month hiatus. I'm worried that it's going to damage our relationship and possibly end things, but I just don't want it anymore and I don't know how to talk to him about it.Advice? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (11 February 2018):
My guess is that the one month sex break has more to do with your relationship with your boyfriend than with sex.
Be honest do you really want to be with this guy? Probably not. Your hanging on for the security and you fear being alone and starting over.
But if he is your age it is insane to expect that a healthy young man with a healthy sex drive to give up sex but to stay with you you’re being completely unrealistic.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2018): Can you try and tell us why you no longer want sex?
It's rather odd to go from sex almost every day to none-at-all without something major happening.
I'm sure you understand that most men who are sexually active would end a relationship if their partner no longer wanted sex, particularly if he is is near your age.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 February 2018):
 I agree with Allumeuse,
Something happened that makes you be OK to go from 5-7 times a week to not wanting it at all.
Was the sex bad? Always on his terms?
The plans you two made - were the mostly what HE wanted?
What exactly happened that made you got from plenty of sex to nah, I'm good... not really wanting it?
As for telling him, I think you should when you have pinpointed where it's coming from, HOWEVER... if you think he is going to be FINE with it, I think you are miscalculating a lot. I don't think he is wanting to go from 3 years of normal to high sex-drive to a celibate relationship.
This is why I think you need to figure out where this is coming from.
IF you in the fast most of those 5-7 times a week ONLY had sex because you wanted to please him, but you really didn't want it -well now is the time to bring that up and perhaps END to relationship.
Again, there is nothing WRONG in how you feel, it's not like you HAVE to go back to 5-7 times a week - if you don't WANT to, but you also can't expect your partner to be OK with no sex out o the blue.
So let's hear it, what's the REAL reason?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2018): Don't you mean 5 to 7 times a MONTH??? I agree with the anon. below. You simply over-indulged and that will be the root of the problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2018): 5 to 7 times a WEEK?!?! I think you don't want it anymore because you over-indulged in the first place so now you are turned off it. I think in time you could develop a more moderate course with maybe once a week, time enough for you to LONG for it in between.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 February 2018):
 Intimacy doesn't have to be sexual - lots of people don't ever want sex, you just have to find someone compatible. This will be a deal breaker for your relationship.
Is it possible you don't want sex any more because your relationship may be improving, but isn't fixed and he's coming on strong? He's acting like everything is sorted, but it's clear you don't feel the same. It's possible that's why you don't want sex any more.
Regardless, you do need to communicate better (as a couple). If you love each other, I think couples' counselling is the way to go - to see if you not wanting sex is situational or long term.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (7 February 2018):
Something has happened during that month that has caused to to resent him or your subconscious is holding onto something that is making you feel non-sexual towards him.
Your conscious mind has rationalised that everything is ok, but it can't be if you feel like this. You need to find out what it is that is making you feel like this because if you were having sex that often it's very likely going to be a deal breaker. If my girlfriend told me sex was over just like that it would mean the end of the relationship. You aren't married so why should he stay?
I'm not saying you are wrong in feeling like this, but you probably need to get to the bottom of it if you want to stay in this relationship. Seek professional help if it's that impotant.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 February 2018):
 Is it just the sex that you don't want now or is it the relationship? You need to take some time yourself to figure out what it is that you DO want. Are you in love with him? Are you wanting a future together? It is okay not to be in the mood for sex or intimacy but if it is long term then you need to talk to each other about it. Intimacy is very important in a relationship and you need to work out why it is you don't want this any more.
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