A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi this question is really asking for a females opinion. I have have something called pectus excevactum (a funnel chest) and it has caused me to have a low self esteem. I worry that whe i become involved in a relationship with a women and we want to start having sex would she be put off by my defect and not want to have sex? I'm 18 by the way.
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female
reader, lostgirl04  +, writes (13 April 2006):
 Honestly whoever your girlfriend ends up being she's going to love you no matter what. And if she has a problem with your defect then she's not the one for you. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. You'll find the right girl. Everyone has their own defects and their partners understand and love them no less. Hope this helps. =)
A
female
reader, Danielle934 +, writes (11 April 2006):
 Your low self esteem is caused by your thoughts, which you shouldn't have. Society today focuses too much on appearance rather than what’s on the inside, that is why lots of people who don't see themselves as "good looking" tend to have self esteem issues. If you are in a relationship and a woman is put off by your chest then WHY would you want to be with someone who cant see past the physical part of you, don’t you want a woman to love you for who you are in the inside? I guarantee you if you get into a good loving relationship, then when it is time to have sex your appearance wont be why she is turned on, she will be turned on by the way you treat her.
When me and my husband started dating and became sexual, he never wanted me to see him with the lights on because he is so self conscious about how hairy he is (we were both barely 18 when we started dating and now we are 21). I can understand why he felt like this because if he ever wore shorts people always mention how much hair he has and the fact that you can barely see any skin under all his hair and they would stare. But his hair doesn’t bother me one bit... seriously never has, and that is because I am not someone who is obsessed on looks, and because I am in love with him. He is the most hairy man I have ever seen in person, and some girls see his hair and shriek and say that they think it is gross and ask me how I put up with it, but I just tell them that it doesn’t bother me one bit, and then I think to myself that he treats me better than any man that those woman are ever going to find "acceptable".
You just have to find a girl who isn’t obsessed on looks. Try looking for someone who has their own sense of style... never ask a girl who looks like a wanna be a movie star! Just because a girl is not obsessed on looks doesn’t mean she won’t be good looking either... I get complimented all the time on my looks and I am nothing like any girl you would see in a magazine because I have my own unique style. Well it is true that most women like a man with self confidence. Maybe you should try some counseling, my sister had very low self esteem (because of weight gain that she obtained after having a surgery, which is very hard for her to get rid of now) and then she started seeing her counselor and now she is like a completely different person. I really think it would help you out to try to find a counselor that you are comfortable talking to, they really do help out a lot!!
Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (11 April 2006):
 dear reader
don't worry about this too much just be straight with the girl in the first place explain to her your "defect" and how it makes you feel if she runs a mile shes not the one for you if she sticks around chill out and enjoy it after all its whats on the inside not out there are tons of girls out there for you hold your chin up high and go out there and face it.
all the best xxx
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