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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi,I have been with my boyfriend for three years.I am 25, he is 26 and we are planning on spending the rest of our lives together. At the moment we are starting to save for a house deposit.We both still live at home (me, with my parents and he, with his mother)we live fairly close.The problem is he doesn't seem comfortable with my parents, even though we have been together a while. One time he is ok the next he will seem awkward, like not bother to say much, verging on being rude! He is fine with me but when I ask him why he is like that he says he is tired or he gets rather irritated if I ask him if anything is wrong! I am fine with his family and am always very polite. This is the only negative thing I think about him but it means a lot to me that he is comfortable with my family. Perhaps if he can't do that then he is not good enough, but is this is a silly reason to break up over?Suggestions very welcome as it is really troubling me.Thanks xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (14 April 2006):
 Dear Reader,
Don't give up on your relationship now. It sounds like a good one and each person has their faults. Maybe he just doesn't know how to act or what to say and is very intimidated by your parents? Don't nagg him about it, i'm sure he'll come around. And if he doesn't, then when you two get your own place, he may only have to put up with seeing your parents at anniversaries, christmas or birthdays. ok?
Tell me how it goes!
All the best and Blessed be,
Phoebe
xxx
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reader, jo_betty_smith +, writes (11 April 2006):
 You're right to be a little bit concerned about it, but I wouldn't have thought that it's something to break up over if you're happy in every other respect.
It could be that there are some days when he genuinely is feeling tired, and as a result is more likely to feel shy and nervous around your parents, hence his being quiet and seeming rude - but he might not want to admit that to you as the explanation for it? It's also worth remembering that it's extremely rare for a boyfriend to ever be as completely comfortable around his girlfriend's parents as she is - you've grown up with them after all, whereas he probably still feels an element of feeling like he's got to be on his best behaviour around them, even now.
The main thing that I'd be worried about if it were me is the fact that he doesn't seem to like talking about what the problem is on the days when he is quiet around your parents. If you're going to be together for the long-term, then you'll need to be able to talk about all kinds of awkward and difficult situations and you need to make sure that - on the whole - your boyfriend feels comfortable enough to open up to you and share things with you when he needs to.
As long as it's not causing your parents any concern, then try not to worry about it. On the days when he's a bit withdrawn around them, gently probe once or twice when you're alone to check he's feeling ok. If you start feeling frustrated with him on those days, try not to let that show through.
I hope that helps a bit!
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