A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is 41 and has never been married. We have been together for a year. When I ask him if he sees himself getting married in the future his response is "maybe, I'm not sure". I would think that by 41 you would know if you wanted to get married or not???Do you think this is a case of he really doesn't know if he wants to get married, he wants to get married eventually but not to me, or something else?Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (1 August 2012):
 Hi
My colleague and her partner are getting wed next year,and celebrating their 40th birthdays. Its a first time for both as neither have met the right person before now. They're like a pair of teenagers.
Its a huge step for anyone,a lifetime commitment,its up to you how you handle your situation but if you want to get married,maybe have children,then thats your ideal,what you want. He may want to marry you eventually, but you need to know if your on the same page..maybe set yourself a timescale say wait 6 months and then see how he feels,dont pressure him just enjoy what you have for now
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (31 July 2012):
 The issue here is that YOU seem to want to be married. When you ask him - figuratively - if HE wants to be your marriage partner, HE sez something like, "I'm not sure..." or, "... maybe someday, but not now...."
That points to HIM not being much interested in being married... and YOU wanting to be in a marriage. The ONLY real "question" is: Do YOU have the gumption to stand up for yourself and say to him: "I want to be married... and I'd like YOU to be my mate." IF'n he then says some of his "hedging" platitudes... THEN you will know that he is not much of a prospect to be your marriage partner.
Following that, you can DROP him, and get on to seeking a man who is in concert with your desire to have a marriage partner....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 July 2012):
 I know my fiance did not believe in marriage and never wanted to marry till he met me and fell in love. My close friends are getting married in Sept and its his first he is 52!
My take is that if they meet the right person they know.
So the actual answer to you from me is yes they know and he knows. But his response keeps you around. He should say. "I do want to marry when I meet the right girl. " but that means admitting its not you
Of course you could leave and hemay miss you enough to realize it is you
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (31 July 2012):
I'm 36 and have several friends that are in your boyfriend's age bracket, and have also never been married. There are two possibilities. One is that your boyfriend is commitment-phobic and really doesn't want to marry, and he is just saying maybe because he doesn't want to say no. What are his views on children, does he want any eventually? That will give you some insight. If he's saying maybe on marriage but no to children, or even maybe to that as well, then odds are he is just not the settling down type. This type of guy will string a woman along and not feel remorse about it, as they see relationships as fleeting.The other possibility is that he was focused on education and career for so long that settling down just wasn't a priority. However, nearing 40 most of the guys in this category have gotten past that and begin to crave settling down.Finally, it is worth considering that having lived past 40 as a single man your boyfriend may just be so used to it that getting him to commit could be a challenge.The way to approach all of this is communication. Feel him out and get a sense of how he views the relationship, and what kind of priority you are in his life. That will tell you what you want to know.Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): my finance has always said he doesnt believe in marriage and to be honest ive never been fussed. Hes 42 im 39 and after just over 2 years in a relationship he proposed, i said yes, still in shock i think! When hes ready and if your right for each other it will happen.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (31 July 2012):
 Maybe it is a case of at age 41 he has been dating so long that he struggles to ever see himself married, but he wont rule it out either. Some men can be bachelors for so long that they struggle to ever see themselves married, but that doesnt mean it wont ever happen.
Do you want marriage in the future? If you do, and it is a dealbreaker if your partner doesnt want marriage, then talk to him. Just make him aware that one day in the future you would like to get married, and you would appreciate it if he would share his ideas for the future. You have been together for a year so it isnt too soon for this conversation, there is no point in wasting time with a man who doesnt want the same thing as you for the future, so you are just going to have to talk to him properly about this and get him to open up.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): We have been together for a year.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): Only he knows the real answer to that, but considering he's been in a relationship for a year with you, I wouldn't say its a personal thing to do with you.
Maybe he feels you put him on the spot when you ask him, and if he's like me, (Never gave it much thought) he may just not know what to say.
On another note though, you said he's 41 and never been married, most people would have been married at least once in their life by that age, which leads ME to think he's not keen on the idea in general.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (31 July 2012):
Im 44 and got engaged for the first time in Feb. For me, it was all about waiting for the right person since its the single most important decision one can ever make. In retrospect, SO glad I waited.
I was with my gf for 3 yrs before asking, but it was more because I was starting my own business at the time and needed to get that in order before taking the next step in my life. I knew she was the one after about 6mos to a year.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (31 July 2012):
It's very difficult to say. You really have to talk to him about it if this could be a deal breaker for you. That said, "maybe" is always better than flat out "no." It could be he doesn't really care for marriage, but that he may be willing to go along with it anyway if this relationship holds up. Anyway, like I said it's impossible to say but the "maybe" keeps the door open, even if it's just a little. How long have you two been together?
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