A
male
age
30-35,
*aringurl
writes:First things first, I'm an 18yo gay male, and have been wondering quite a few things for a while. A description of self: I'm gay, and I've been out of the closet since the prehistoric. I act, think, and talk like a femme, and somewhat dress, but not over the extremes like wearing a skirt? bah!, but you could judge by the looks, pretty much effeminate. From where I come from, effeminate gay guys don't have Happy Ever Afters. And I've noticed that lots of gay relationships in movies, or tv series, include two hot, masculine gay men. And in real life, the ones who look like 'straight men' usually ends up with someone. While those who're quite/slightly/somehow femme are thrown to the sidelines to weep. I know this probably would've been asked years/months back but -- ~ Could gay/bisexual guys possibly like or love effeminate gay guys? ~ Is it really taboo for a gay guy to fall in love with a femme gay one because it's contradicts the very reason they're gay? Or does it still boil down to self preference? ~ I could only bring myself to like, masculine, or manly, or aggressive or dominant(what more to call)gay guys, and only like as a BFF those co-effeminates. Am I broken? Or is it normal for gay people to be that way?I'm worried because I don't know if the problem is me, the community I live in, or my heart's callings. Help. (O.o) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Brendan95  +, writes (25 June 2013):
I just wanna say I find feminine guys attractive but not masculine guys just wanted to say maybe it will boost your confidence
A
male
reader, flashboy +, writes (15 May 2011):
There is definitely a bias against effeminate gay men within the gay community - I grew up with the understanding (with myself and from others) that I was clearly gay. I'd rather watch a rerun of Project Runway over the Super Bowl. In my teens, I could more easily identify with women because I had so little in common with my male peers. Now that I'm approaching 30, I've become much more aware of how much posturing and bravado is exhibited by adolescent males (which more than likely includes your 18-21 age bracket). The social construct of hyper-masculinity seems (to me, at least) to be far less of a focus the older you get. Things that are (unfortunately) socially acceptable at 21 are seen as pathetic when you're in your thirties or forties. At 18, it might still be important to you that you date guys that are "straight-acting." It's easier to give top priority to a hot, buff, masculine guy. There's little flexibility when it comes to defining your "ideal." Trust me when I say that for some men, our ideals broaden to incorporate a greater spectrum of potential partners.And yet you perpetuate the stigma by claiming to only be attracted to masculine men and that you see other effeminate men similar to yourself as being little more than potential BFF's. Our ideals and preferences aren't static - they're ever-changing. At some point you may realize that the things that make a person a BFF are some of the very things you value most in a relationship.
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A
male
reader, georgey5100  +, writes (1 May 2011):
I imagine there to be more of a range, or spectrum, of effeminacy. I myself am in the middle. I dress reasonably well, I care about what others think about me and I LOVE a good musical! However if you heard my voice, you would have no idea that I was gay until you listened to what I was saying. My boyfriend on the other hand, is a lot camper than me! He may not have the best fashion sense and he may not be obsessed with musicals, but his actions and voice are very effeminate and he loves Disney films! I believe that I am attracted to boys at both ends of this "spectrum". It may be to do with the fact that I do not mind whether i dominate or am dominated by my partner, or what but i do. So yes, from looking at me and my boyfriend... there are people who date camp boys.
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A
male
reader, aaringurl +, writes (30 April 2011):
aaringurl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for all who've given advice. And I've noted you're ideas and experiences, and hopefully, apply them. I like cross-dressing.
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A
male
reader, DsuzaSam2  +, writes (30 April 2011):
There is not like that the way you think.i am also a gay guy. my voice is totally a sweet girl voice. my hair is like emo girl.I am slim, but i am not a cross dresser. i dress like straight guy. Even of this thing, many of the hot straight guy i know, who are attracted towards me, and offer me one night stands - but i refuse them. i met my dream boy who really loves me. he totally looks like kevin zeger. he is/looks straight. But then also he want to have a relationship. See the problem is you should adjust your self accordingly. In the surrounding where you live, try to not to be a crossdresser.Though always be yourself
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 April 2011):
 There is no 'normal' way to be gay. At the end of the day you are attracted to men but you obviously have a preference just like you would have a preference to certain way women looked if you were straight. You cant help who you are attracted to and who you arent. Dont worry that there is something wrong with you or that you will never find someone. Other gay men could be attracted to feminine guys. Its just whatever each individual likes. We are all different thats why we are unique so try not to worry yourself over it.
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A
male
reader, gaydating +, writes (29 April 2011):
Well, to be honest, I dont like effeminate gay guys. I like those who look and act like men not like girls. If I liked effeminate gay guys, I would be dating girls instead. I think it could be possible to fall in love with a effeminate gay guy, but it is not easy, because as you know most of us humans go for the look instead of the personalities. I go for both, I'm looking for someone with a nice a personality and who isnt too bad looking. If you are looking to date a masculine looking guy, then I would recommend you to make some changes to the way you are BUT be you. Sometimes we need to make some changes to the way we are for the better of us and to accomplish what we want, but remember making some changes DOESNT mean to change the way you are. if you want to try to look masculine and all of that then go for it, but if you feel that is totally not you, then dont do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): Personally I think masculine gay guys can fall for an effeminate gay guy. I've seen that sort of a relationship before, some of my friends have relationships like that.
Being a lesbian I find it quite simple to answer because I'm what you call a slighty 'girly girl' I'm not extremely girly but I'm not a tough cookie or anything. But everyone always asks me 'what do you go for dykes (manly girls)?' Well the answer to that is because I like those girls but I can't date a guy. It's all down to your choice and preference. And no you're not broken. I could never see myself dating a 'girly girl' but I've dated 'dykes' before and loved it.
I hope this helped you. And by the way, you will have a happy ending, you'll find the perfect man and you'll both love each other for the rest of your lifes. Don't trust the movies, movies are what people want in real life but sadly life isn't a movie.
So good luck with your happy ending, I know you'll have one. :)
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