A
female
age
,
*aysa
writes:I have been living with my boyfriend for 2 years. We actually knew each other 3 yrs prior just as friends talking. Well, I have many things that I consider a red flag. When we moved in together he became very jealous. He would accuse of doing things I knew I wasn’t doing. 6 weeks after we moved in together he told me he didn’t trust me! I thought what? Of course I was very hurt and tried to talk to him about it. Well things have gotten a lot worse. He wanted me quit my job, now that took some convincing since I have always been so independent. But I went ahead thinking hey I could use a break and it’s just a temp situation.I didn’t know the economy was going to get so bad. I have had a hard time finding a job. He told me to get a job or get out. I was shocked. He has blamed me for all of his credit card debt. I have no access to them, and beside he ran them up not me and it wasn’t spent on me either. I was in the hospital in Dec for 5 days he never came to see me one time. He told me the day after I came home that I did it for attention.I said a heart attack? He did not get me one thing for Christmas not even a card, Valentines Day, my birthday...I would of been very happy with a card. The wedding date had been changed 4 times and the other day he told me he had his doubts about marrying me because of health problems. I paid off my own car, and medical bills with a trust that was set up for me years ago. I have paid more than my fair share of bills. He has let me at times without toilet paper. I had to wash my clothes for 4 months with out soap powder. What a jerk! Not to mention his 2 kids are brats and disrespectful to me and will not eat anything I cook. I have 2 grown children and I am 50 he is 45 and I think he is immature, selfish and too darn money hungry he wants me to get a job making 60k a year. He makes 90K there is no reason in this world that he should be in this kind of debt. Sorry I don't mean to babble on..... But over the past 7 months I feel like he wanted a maid! I am not feeling the same way about him at all now. Do you think that I am over reacting?Oh, 4 weeks ago he started just acting really weird, didn’t want to hold my hand, and no sex.....which for 2 years was on a daily basis. My gut tells me that he is having an affair, that was too weird. I know I am still an attractive 50 yr old woman who can still turn some heads, but I feel like this guy has taken back 25 yrs to a place I never wanted to be gain.
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a break, affair, christmas, debt, immature, jealous, money, moved in, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty Lor  +, writes (13 March 2010):
Hello,
I lived in a controlled and loveless relationship for 10 years.
My advice is make plans to leave, take what you are entitled to, get a new job and a new life.
Guys like this are only abusive because you let them be. Take control of the reins and get yourself a new life.
It's hard to make the first step, the world is big and looks intimidating but YOU WILL get a new life, A GOOD LIFE and your personaility and confidence will come back.
Don't let him put you down and tell you that your can't manage without him, you are NOT useless, you should seek help with womens shelters and get great advice from women who have been through what your experiencing now.
There is a great light, a big ray of sunshine out there with your name written through it, life is what you allow it to be.....you can make changes.
Take one step at a time and rebuild your confidence, take good advice from the right organisations but do it and do it sooner rather than later.
No one deserves to be mistreated in this way,
Take good care of yourself my friend.
There is ALWAYS someone here to talk to...you are never alone..
Aunty Lor
England
A
female
reader, babymama99 +, writes (29 May 2009):
 It only gets worse after marriage! You should NOT marry this man!!! In fact you shouldn't even talk to this man, much less be in a relationship with him.
Like the other poster said. pack his crap and anything or anybody associated with him and show them all the door.
If you live in his place. feel free to move on and leave him, his kids and his debt behind.
He tells you to quit your job and then blames you for quiting your job.
You had a heart attack and he couldnt even find a moment of his time to visit. and then have the nerve to tell you that you "did it for attention".
He has doubts about marrying you???? You should have no doubt in your mind about NOT marrying him. he is a wack job, crazy as a loon, and it will NOT get any better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): Trust your instincts and get away from that guy. The more you stay with him the worse it will be. It may be hard on your own or so but it will be 100x better.
Well if you are still this confident about yourself then why are you still with such a guy babe? I think from the moment he started to accuse you of not trustimg him, he was up to no good.
Anyway good luck, hope you get out like everyone is saying.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): now this is what i suggest you do IN ORDER i write them
a)pack his bags..
b)pack his brats bags..
c)throw the bags out the window..
d)then the brats..
e)now grab a hevy frying pan..
f)smack it over his head..
g)and throw him out of the window if you are strong enough..
h)or kick him up the ass out the door...
i)and live a shit free life
sorry to seem comical but if i were in your situation this is exactly what i would do..but then again i have a vile temper e.t.c good luck x
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A
female
reader, Knight_in_White_Satin +, writes (29 May 2009):
 Get out get out get out now!!! He is abusive and unloving and it would not surprise me in the slightest if he started hitting you. You're seeing red flags for a reason.
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A
female
reader, TrueLoveCoach +, writes (29 May 2009):
 Maysa, I don't know your boyfriend's side of the story, but based on what you have said, my immediate reaction is, "Get out. Get out now!" What you describe is crazy-making behavior. If you're getting physically ill, this could be linked to your state of mental health.
Why are you settling for such behavior? Why are you ignoring the red flags you've said yourself that you've noticed? Maybe there has been enough good stuff in your relationship to justify your staying for the last 2 years, but good grief! Isn't Trust one of those non-negotiable things you must have to make a relationship work? He told you he didn't trust you 6 weeks after you began living together. Do you trust him to treat you fairly and cherish you?
Please ask yourself these tough questions: Am I willing to continue living with this situation just as it is? What is my mental and physical health worth to me? How bad am I willing to let this situation get before I decide I've had enough?
I'm not sure, since you didn't mention fearing for your safety, but I worry that safety could be a concern for you. Should you need it, here's the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233. Create a safety plan. You can go to this link to learn more: http://www.ndvh.org/get-help/safety-planning/.
I do wish you the best with this situation, Maysa.
Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPC
Your Successful Singles Love Coach
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