A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, and thanks for reading my post. I've always been a happy person, smiling,laughing enjoying my life lately I'm tired, headaches, a tad down. I'm sure its because of my turbulent relationship. It started like a dream come true. He was charming, attentive, listened and so sweet and understanding. That lasted maybe 6 weeks once I was hooked he changed. Became demanding, untrusting, accusatory. He texts at least 200 times a day to see what I'm doing, where I am etc. Then gets mad if I'm not quick with replying stating ok ur out eh well have fun. I'm not allowed to have a girls night out. I don't care about drinking its more just getting out, dancing, and having a female relationship. I believe people need friends. He calls my friends "skanks" and says he doesn't trust them. I reply, no its me u don't trust. His life always has drama whether its spending too much gambling then not having enough $ to make it through til next pay. He makes me feel guilty if I'm eating well. Makes snide remarks like " oh must be nice eh". I tell him if he managed his money better he could eat well too. I help him out a lot $, groceries, cigarettes,fuel, and then he will say I don't think u love me. Accuses me of cheating, talking to men etc. I assure him I haven't. We've been together almost 3 years and its taken its toll on me. When he texts/talks to me he will ask how I'm doing? I respond I have a migraine he has the nerve to ask why. I'm emotionally exhausted from giving and reassuring my love for him. I suggested he gets help, as I said u must have had these issues prior to me as well. He denies it but admitted awhile back he used to look through his exes cell phone when she was showering. I have sooo much love to give, but tired of giving it to someone that has no respect for me. How do I make him realize he needs to or were done?
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gambling, his ex, money, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 Control freak. Could come out of a textbook so here is a textbook answer: Run!
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 November 2010):
 This relationship is purely toxic and that is what is making you sick. Look after yourself and dump him.
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A
female
reader, AuntieSnap  +, writes (8 November 2010):
Bail out now darling and find someone who will love and appreciate you without all the hassle. This man sounds emotionally screwed up, he is trying to control and manipulate you to his own ends and this is not healthy at all. Obviously something horrible has happened to him in a previous relationship and rather than addressing the problem at the time he has let it fester and poison his perspective on how a healthy relationship should progress and work. I think you have become so cowed by his horrible behaviour that you tend to capitulate to him for a quiet life.Get out now while you still can otherwise he will gradually isolate you from friends and family then dominate you completely and what life would that be for you? I truly hope everything works out positively for you.God Bless.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (8 November 2010):
200 texts a day? I can only imagine what an amazing job he must have.
Guy is a loser. All the signs are there. Leave or become what he is.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 November 2010):
 The operative word, "make", won't happen. He can't change for you, and you can't make him change if that's not what he chooses to do. Change is always personal and to benefit one's self. If he were to change, it'd need to be because he's tired of how he treats you, and wants to become someone who's not driven by jealousy and control. So, 6 months good, 2 1/2 years, not so good. How long are you going to accept this treatment? I'd let him know directly that if things don't change, you'll have to part ways. Discuss with him how you choose to be treated and let him know those are your boundaries and you will not accept anything less. If he doesn't agree, you may have to make that change.
I hope this helps. Take care.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 November 2010):
 I think you should just be done. He doesn't care what you feel or this behavior wouldn't have lasted as long as it has. Get out. Be done with this jerk. There is no excuse for his behavior and he will only change if he wants to. He obvioiusly doesn't want to change.
Walk away, it will be the best decision you've made in a long time.
You might want to change your phone number right away too. That way he can't keep harassing you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): This is abusive girl. Control, not allowing u to have friends. Keeping u isolated. Creates drama for u to prove your love for him. Only thing is NO ONE need to keep reassuring anyone how they feel. He has issues which will get worse maybe physical over time if he can't have his way. By him making remarks by u eating well is a guilt trip. He's an adult needs to behave as one. He is emotionally and financially abusing U.
If he doesn't want to change or seek help let him go find another woman trust me he's not much of a catch. Most women would have cut him loose by now for their own sanity.
No one deserves to be at anyones beck and call. You're not his slave, his mother, his caregiver. You're his equal.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): Its not really a question anymore. You need to leave him.
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