A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ill try and keep this brief, but this is a complex situation, which is why i am asking for outside help(not friends and family who have their own agendas)Met this girl through a mutual friend 6 weeks ago and we have had some of the most romantic dates i have ever been on. Everything is there, the chemistry, the intimacy, the conversations, all are spot on. Never a boring moment when we are together. Really starting to fall for her. She told me the 2nd time we hung out about her living situation with her "Roommate", who is a male. She told me they hooked up a few times, but havent done anything since December. She swears to me that they were just hooking up, and never a couple. I'm an adult, so whatever got no problem with that. As the weeks have past i have come to discover that her roomate is madly in love with her, whereby he calls her 10 times in a row, or texts her nonstop, cyberstalks her Facebook, goes into her stuff when shes not home. She always ignores him when shes with me, but im not sure shes doing that when im not around. She then tells me last night that she had abortion(pregnancy by the "roomie"), in January, and this really bothered her. She told me she terminated the pregnancy because the guy was crazy, and she didnt want to continue. She told me that she is moving out from her roommate to a one bedroom in July. Then i go on her facebook, and start to realize that her "roommate" is all hugged up with her in pics, meanwhile not one pic is up of us in the past month(and we have taken a bunch).We spend alot time together, but i feel like im a secret. I felt like things are getting a bit more serious now, and she proceeded to tell me last night, "You are the missing piece to my puzzle", whatever that means... maybe a woman can help me out with that one. I do think she has been honest with me, but i feel like im not getting the whole story either. Is it too soon to pry for that knowledge? OR Am i being naive regarding her roommate? Do women really avoid labels such as the gf/bf/FWB thing just to ease their mental health or what? Any advice and support would be greatly appreciated since i am kind of lost at the moment.
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abortion, facebook, roommate, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe talked. failed miserably. Guess we werent on the same page. She told me she moves on a much slower pace than i do. Im ok with that. Thank you to you agony aunts and uncles. im gonna go get drunk and find a random. What a shame, really thought i had something with this one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your thoughts. I will have an update for everyone tommorow. Some serious discussion for tonight.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 June 2009):
 Awkward! Situation that is.
First of all, I like the fact that she was honest about the abortion. About the casual sex with her room mate. She is fairly upfront with you.
However, to me it seems like she isn't quite over the experience of the abortion. She she is having casual sex with someone she doesn't really give a fart about she should be WAY more careful about contraception. Does the Roomie know about the abortion?
Abortion can take a HUGE toll on a girl/woman emotionally and psychologically. So what you may have to do.. It wait and see if she actually moves out.
The roomie might be a little of a weirdo, but for some people having sex means more then it does to others. He might actually "believe" they are in a relationship.
You would think if her Facebook is very active that she would add you to it as her boyfriend. Could be she don't want you to think she is moving too fast.
Talk to her. Try and ask her to reverse the scenario where you are the one with the "fuck-buddy" roomie....
Seems like a lotta drama very early on.
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A
female
reader, always.you +, writes (4 June 2009):
 i totallyy think you should go ttalk to her tonite about it tonite..thats the only way your gonna get down to the truth but dont let her push you around. update on what she says. good luck hun
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPassionatelyNumb: "Does she act hot and cold from time to time? Like one minute she's all about you, then the next she's saying "I'm not ready for a commintment relationship yet"?
Jeez. That scares me the crap outta me that you said that. Since i met her shes been all about me, calling me,texting, sleeping over a few nights a week. Last night after telling me about the drama with the roomie, she proceeds to tell me, that all that the commitment she wants from me right now is to tell her if i am talking/sleeping with anyone else.
Must of had my love blinders on with this one. Gonna try to talk to her tonight, pin her down on the relationship thing. If she cant commit, then i must quit! Thanks again for your insight.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (4 June 2009):
 She sounds like she's stringing you along. I mean you've been dating her for six weeks and she doesn't want to use any "labels", or post any pics? I could understand that for the first few weeks, but its been a month and a half. She should at least know if you are relationship material or not.
Does she act hot and cold from time to time? Like one minute she's all about you, then the next she's saying "I'm not ready for a commintment relationship yet"?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply. Was hoping i was just being paranoid about some other dude and her past. But unfortunately, i think under the circumstances, this isnt a great way to start a relationship. NEXXXT!
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (4 June 2009):
Trust me man. This is not a roller coaster you want to be on for the rest of your life. Get out of this while you can. There are so many girls out their who will love you and not put you through all the emotional trouble this girl is going to run you through.
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