A
female
age
41-50,
*reciousjules
writes:Dear Cupid..I've been with my fiance for 11 years. 3 of those years we have been engaged. We pretty much grew together. We met when I was 18 and he was 23. I'm now 30..Anyway, Saturday night he walked down to the local bar, something he will usually do if I'm not in the mood to go out. By 3am, and still not home, I started feeling that something was wrong..bar closes at 1am. By 9am and still not home I had called the hospitals, local jail, friends and family and no one knew where he was. He finally came in at 930am still drunk from the night before stating he fell asleep at a buddy from the bar's house. I was so mad but also glad he was okay. A crazy thought raced through my head that night...could he be cheating? So I asked, just to clear my mind, after all that wasn't him. He was so furious at me that I asked him if he cheated.."how dare you" he said.." I would never do anything like that to you" "F**k u for asking me that!" That was Monday night..Wednesday night he sat me down to tell me the bad news...he had cheated. He said he was drunk and didn't realize what he was doing. He never used a condom and doesn't remember pulling out!! I'm so confused at what to do...This is the love of my life and I'm soo heart broken and lost.I can't even shed another tear. My trust is gone. So My Question is..is this a fixable problem? Or should I pack my things and start over?
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female
reader, always.you +, writes (4 June 2009):
 dont listen to the people that say this isnt fixable it is. atleast he was a man and sat down and told you. make him promise it wont ever happen again but for rite now that you dont trust him and hes going to have to prove himself to you. but if you trully love him and he trully loves you you guys can work it out. it was one mistake over the eleven years yall were together. mistakes happen.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): I would make him move out immediately or I would move. End the relationship. Once he gets away with it once, he'll do it again. No one should have to live with a broken trust like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): maybe you should move out for a while while you make sense of his cheating.
if he was so drunk, how does he know what he actually did/ did not do. who did he have sex with. does he know anything about her. what about sexually transmiited diseases/ HIV. you have to be careful if you intimate with him - some diseases cannot be cured , you know this.
maybe when you are gone he will realise just what you mean to him. better find out now than when you get married. how sure are you this is the first time. a lot of cheaters always blame the alcohol. but it is not the alcohol. they know they are not f*cking their normal partners but they carry on regardless. the alcohol is merely aiding them to cheat. it serves as their legitimate excuse. does he make it a habit to get drunk.
its your choice whether to stay or go. but be wise and make certain you do your homework regarding him and his infidelity. you may be afraid to be alone after being with him for so long, so you may opt to stay out of fear. or you may opt to go to clear your head. call tim out and revaluate your life, feelings for him. the concept of his infidelity has not really hit you. it is relatively new him confessing. as the days and weeks go by you will really be facing the harsh truth of him having sex with someone else. these are early days after the confession. the next few weeks are vital as you decide whether to stay or to leave. if you stay you need make peace with the fact he was unfaithful or else it will eat you up.
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A
female
reader, happytobe +, writes (4 June 2009):
 I think this is fixable. It will take some time for you to regain your trust but eventually you will. It sounds like he was good enough to actually tell you that he cheated (which most guys arent, so be appreciative!) so he must love you very much. You have been with him for a long time. You two need to spend a day or two just to yourselves with no outside interferences and try to regroup and remember all the things that make you a happy loving couple. He was drunk, this is NO excuse I understand that, but it did alter his decisions. I think that he would have never done such a thing sober. Maybe you two should think about only drinking together. Or in a private setting, like a friends party. Not a bar. Or maybe even stop drinking all together. Just talk about what solution would be right for the both of you. Certainly do not throw the relationship away so fast on this.
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